Review Summary: I want to dream.
I sometimes wonder if many of us suffering from depression are, in fact, nothing more than eternal optimists.
You see, what being negative about the state of the world really stems from is reality not aligning with one’s beliefs about the way things should be; we lose our mind over the fact that the bus is late because it’s supposed
to be on time; we feel disappointed in our partner when they make a mistake because they’re meant
to be perfect; we get anxious reading the morning news because, regardless of how you think it came into being, the world wasn’t designed
to be this fu
cked. The truth regularly falls so flat on its face compared to the vision of it we have in our heads that we actually start to expect things to go wrong, even when they won’t. Sometimes the bus just pitches up as scheduled, but only after we’ve spent the past 15 minutes fuming about how we’ll feel if it doesn’t. Most days our relationship is probably going just fine… until, that is, we sabotage it by pre-emptively blaming our partner for something they didn’t even do yet. The news, well… yeah, the news sucks, but only because, for some inexplicable reason, we expect it not to.
The happiest among us, those we might enviously suggest are deluded, or crazy, or, if we’re being particularly spiteful, just too stupid to know better, are actually just people who are properly aligned with the realities of the world. They don’t experience crushing disappointment in their day to day lives because they aren’t anticipating everything going perfectly, nor are they waiting for something to come along and shatter that vision.
These days, I’m trying to be more of a realist. I want to be better. I want to feel okay with the way things are. But sometimes, in the dead of night, with nothing but the sound of this album playing in the background, I want to believe that maybe, just maybe, one day my perfect world could come true.