Review Summary: Choose your character!
The M3tal Review:
Exhumed literally pull down their pants and fart in the faces of the weak in their latest album which paints a lovely, yet unholy picture. This is true death metal, the kind that grows weeds amongst the tender, delicate blossoms in your garden of cuddly indie lovers while encouraging your grandchildren to pass the meth pipe at a funeral. One may say no such metal exists, yet truly I tell you this wrecks. It’s perhaps repetitive as taxes, but like taxes it destroys homes. The growls are putrid vomits from aborted, possessed ogres and the drums are what you get when drums are drummed hard enough to rattle the rib cage until you’re like ow that hurts me but please continue.
The riffs are so heavy that you won’t have to search your entire life for the Ark of the Covenant, one listen of one chord will melt your face. And I’m only talking about the instruments so far, damn this kicks. This *** isn’t for people that 5 Artificial Brain, it’s for true death metal listeners. This one is for people that walk across streets when the sign tells them not to. This is true metal for true metalheads, not for Sowing.
The Staff Review:
It’s been a year for metal hasn’t it? I woke up this morning, grabbed my black coffee and this thought occurred to me. It’s not an original thought but it’s true. I remain enthusiastic at the type of metal I’m seeing, and it’s getting later in the year. The latest release - of course - is To the Dead, another slammer from Exhumed, and more proof of veteran branded brands/bands bringing their A-game.
From the early 90s these long haired/bearded boys have brought skull crushing offerings, and the latest would please Dagon. The gore metal here is no picnic, with brazen lyrics such as:
“Siphon the liquids from your rotting husk
From blackened veins into the tubes entrust
Through the trocar the gurgling juices flush
A noxious concoction of post-mortal sludge”.
That being said, good luck deciphering these lyrics which are encoded with gruesome, guttural crust and purely stomach churning guitars. It’s not for everyone, but that’s the point, the metal machine is unstoppable. The drums slap away much faster than lightspeed, and at times I wondered what I subjected my mortal coil to.
If you’re looking for variety, you found it - somewhat. Riffs shift and spill into each other, with the point being that the onslaught is continuous. The atmosphere, especially evoked from the vomitous, unhinged growls, is unrelentingly permeating. There’s nowhere you can run or hide, the metal men will find you and drag you into their disgusting lair. I love metal like this, it’s the stuff of legends and proves classic metal can still exist in 2022. Exhumed’s style may be one of horror, but I am exceedingly pleased.
The Soundoff Review:
Wrapped in a swirling vortex of pain, the transcendent, glowing riffs are juxtaposed with the infinite abyss of drum sewage. Exhumed have carefully evolved their vile creation like an unholy mutation through the years, a casual staple for all metalheads alike. The intensity steals the show, a true magnum opus of deathly, hollow spirits shrieking in tune with toilet water awaits Exhumed’s next unexpecting listener. It’s easy to shrug its effect and state it an average death metal album, yet these carefully selected guitar portions say otherwise. Welcome to the future, welcome to Exhumed.
The Short Review:
Really good album. I like it.
The Rap Review:
Listen son u better run, riffs come for you like a machine gun. Yeah, like pills Exhumed get it poppin. Drums like hurricanes - they ain’t stoppin. Faster instruments than Chopin, the riffs get choppin yo head off like a riff-off. In and out like a soundoff? Nah, they’re Here To Stay; that ain’t Korn-y to say. Check out this mate’s tricks, riffs downloaded directly into your brain.
They do metal better, it’s fire but they don’t forge ***, metal so sharp like they’re swingin’ swords. ***, maaan the riffs are comin’. You got 300 degrees? Maaan they’ll bake you in the oven, I ain’t bluffin’ - you’ll see birds like Puffins. Delicious ***, it’s a cold treat that only comes once in a while and it goes down smooth - they got that Eggnog runnin. *** has hard time going downhill like Cool Runnings.
The Invisible Review:
