Rings of Saturn
Embryonic Anomaly Remake


2.0
poor

Review

by Pizza PUNTRIBUTOR USER (299 Reviews)
June 21st, 2022 | 17 replies


Release Date: 02/09/2021 | Tracklist

Review Summary: A super polished turd from the dinosaur age, shiny and excellently preserved. Conclusion: it’s still shit.

Speaking of pointless remakes, here we have a remaster of Ring of Saturn’s debut album. I ditched this album a long time ago in favour of their better albums (which also suck), but apparently Rings of Saturn won’t let this piece of musical history die - they should have. With cleaner recordings, every previously annoying note is, lo and behold, more grating. Inside this nightmare is the worst type of technical death metal. The false alien/computer game sounds from the infinite riffs are cringey at best. At its worst, it sounds like a stadium of R2-D2 clones in bidding wars (with a spaghetti monster on the mic). Translation for dummies: the crazy wanks make your lil’ willy hurt lots.

The original album was produced great. This is both an unnecessary remake, and a new level of pain. Sure, this remake has crystal clear quality, but it drains the life from the originally sludgy, heavy guitars, which had y’know… texture. These new recordings make the drums sound even more programmed (though they are not). The overproduction brings the album to the modern era for worse. Forgive me if I stab my ears with the nearest pencil, I’m sure someone will miss my reviews. There’s no one? Figures.

In conclusion, this is still a cheesy/corny album. The technical guitar playing and drum work is technically impressive, and that’s the sum of available positives. The songwriting does not impress and songs are worse than discovering you are becoming bald on the morning of your wedding. I may have chickened out at giving the non-remake a low rating back in the day for I was a tadpole, and thus my balls did not outweigh the Earth, but things and times have changed. I am now a glorious, full-fledged dick and declare that this album sucks. Peace be with you.



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user ratings (27)
3.1
good

Comments:Add a Comment 
pizzamachine
June 21st 2022


16519 Comments

Album Rating: 2.0

Rings of Saturn sucks m/

Digging: Draconian - Under a Godless Veil

Purpl3Spartan
June 21st 2022


4090 Comments


m/

tyman128
Contributing Reviewer
June 21st 2022


3468 Comments


brother pizza throwing reviews out left and right


Purpl3Spartan
June 21st 2022


4090 Comments


he goin for that contrib again

tyman128
Contributing Reviewer
June 21st 2022


3468 Comments


pizza for contrib, bring him back

pizzamachine
June 21st 2022


16519 Comments

Album Rating: 2.0

I ain’t playin’, peeps gonna catch these pizzas

Koris
Contributing Reviewer
June 21st 2022


15350 Comments


pizza for contrib [2]

pizzamachine
June 21st 2022


16519 Comments

Album Rating: 2.0

I’d even settle for Emeritus

Get Low
June 21st 2022


12619 Comments

Album Rating: 1.5

this remake sounds like shit, I enjoy the original though

pizzamachine
June 21st 2022


16519 Comments

Album Rating: 2.0

Lol at the 4.5’s

SIMBOLIC
June 21st 2022


6318 Comments


I only wish it was more brick walled

YoYoMancuso
Contributing Reviewer
June 21st 2022


16581 Comments


9/10 review no Oompa Loompa references : (

Digging: Roseville - something about a fig tree

pizzamachine
June 21st 2022


16519 Comments

Album Rating: 2.0

Tried to give the old review vibe but with no Oompa Loompas. I know I know it was risky. 🥴

mrdogthrow
June 21st 2022


1919 Comments


remake is terrible, the beginning of final abhorrent dream had me dead, like the review said, the "texture" really made the og album. remake 2 polished

pizzamachine
June 21st 2022


16519 Comments

Album Rating: 2.0

Agreed!

FR33L0RD
June 21st 2022


6191 Comments


Nice entertaining review 🍕, pos’d. Not a fan of the band, to say the least.

pizzamachine
June 22nd 2022


16519 Comments

Album Rating: 2.0

Apparently they have fans 🫣



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