Drake
Certified Lover Boy


1.5
very poor

Review

by Odal USER (22 Reviews)
September 3rd, 2021 | 174 replies


Release Date: 09/03/2021 | Tracklist

Review Summary: Jokerfied.

I’ll be honest, it’s hard to muster up the courage to listen to Drake’s Certified Lover Boy -let alone write about it- when it sounds like Drake didn’t take care in making it. Unlike the rollouts of his previous few singles vehicles, CLB has never really been promised as a magnum opus that will shake up the game. Instead, that void was seemingly induced by the public at large that if this were going to be the next former studio release by the world’s biggest artist, then of course it will be a landmark moment in the culture. Grandiose promises by the man himself were substituted with a haircut that seems like some sort of hazing ritual, cover art that screams meme-ability to the point of desperation, and a bizarre lack of an all-encompassing single to hang your summer hat on. The best should surely be saved for the album, no?

No.

It turns out that there was a good reason for the lack of discourse on the music itself, because there is absolutely nothing to talk about. The collection of songs here, running an absolutely ludicrous 90 minutes and 21 tracks, play out like tossovers and barely fleshed out b-sides from his recent and already maligned releases, which is rich coming a mere year and change after the much more fleshed out Dark Lane Demo Tapes. The beats here barely exist and the hooks just simply don’t. Drake runs on auto-pilot to tell you that he gets the ladies, but no the right one; that he’s the most popular, but doesn’t have friends; that he has it all, while having nothing. It’s a literal song and a literal dance that we have all heard from him before, but without the dance. Where once his punchlines and gushing honesty were legitimately game-changing, they now ring hollow and reek of desperation. At one point, he tells you he’s a lesbian. This man is 34 years old.

Despite there being a song that tells you otherwise, Drake brings along a lot of his friends in the industry and while I wouldn’t say they make for the best parts of the record, they are at least the most entertaining. “Way 2 Sexy” is a song that is so offensively bad and sonically tortuous, that it easily stands out as the most compelling point in the record and will get the people talking and the kids making tik toks. Maybe Drake will find his next girl there to make a far better record about. His pen game is slightly elevated on “Fair Trade” and “7am On Bridle Path” and those industry friends admittedly spit fire on “You Only Live Twice”, but other than that the highs are few and far between and really not that high to begin with.

If there is any confusion as to why a review is coming out for a titanic 90 minute album mere hours after release, the only reasoning needed is the same reason anyone is caring about it in the first place: it’s Drake. He is at the top of his game and seems hellbent on building his musical brand on corny catchphrases, caked in milk. People will flock here to see if he comments on Kanye or his son or if the horrendous emoji cover art is a clue to more children, and the answer is a resounding...kind of. And that should not come as a shock, as the man as the man has always been anything but forthcoming, but his airy, cool demeanor has given way to just airy. Certified Lover Boy is, at long last, a parody of the man who always managed to make the joke before anyone else could.



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user ratings (179)
1.8
poor
other reviews of this album
1 of


Comments:Add a Comment 
Odal
September 3rd 2021


636 Comments

Album Rating: 1.5

Looks I was juuuuust beaten the punch lol Oh well. Comments/criticisms appreciated

JefferyBigglestein2
September 3rd 2021


425 Comments

Album Rating: 1.0 | Sound Off

bigglestein always comes in first place.



that being said great review, glad to see i was not the only one who thought this was just drake on auto pilot.



this would be the unwanted third or fourth posthumous album that released if drake died and they needed to scrape together demos and rejected c-sides.

Sowing
Moderator
September 3rd 2021


39344 Comments

Album Rating: 2.0

is this really 21 songs wtf is going on this year

Digging: Circa Survive - A Dream About Love

TheGlowingWeen
September 3rd 2021


16 Comments

Album Rating: 2.0

Besides a few decent features this was embarrassing.



Somehow Kanye won this by default...Drake didn't even show up



Odal
September 3rd 2021


636 Comments

Album Rating: 1.5

Yeah, man. It sucks lol If you thought Donda was long, this will seem insurmountable lol

letsgofishing
September 3rd 2021


1612 Comments

Album Rating: 1.5

Well, I made it through ten tracks.



Probably all I'm making it through.



Love All and Fair Trade are a B- run.

Odal
September 3rd 2021


636 Comments

Album Rating: 1.5

That was about the point where I looked at my phone, figuring there was only a handful of tracks left and realized in my despair that I wasn't even halfway. Nearly threw my phone across the room

letsgofishing
September 3rd 2021


1612 Comments

Album Rating: 1.5

Well, when you put absolute embarrassing trash fires like Girls Want Girls and Way 2 Sexy in your opening run of tracks - and the whole record still feels half-asleep - I figured there just wasn't any hope.

Odal
September 3rd 2021


636 Comments

Album Rating: 1.5

those two moments are probably the most visceral on the record, bad as they may be. Second half is more boring than bad, which could be a more offensive sin. Still, You Only Live Twice is a nice track but you can skip the rest.



I was gutted at how bad the Cudi song was. Could you imagine how good a song with them both at the height of their powers could be?

SteakByrnes
September 3rd 2021


25110 Comments


Man I can't believe that's the album art

Digging: Every Time I Die - Radical

letsgofishing
September 3rd 2021


1612 Comments

Album Rating: 1.5

"Those two moments are probably the most visceral on the record"



Oh God....

Odal
September 3rd 2021


636 Comments

Album Rating: 1.5

It's an absolute snooze fest lol DJ Akademiks literally fell asleep on stream listening to it

JefferyBigglestein2
September 3rd 2021


425 Comments

Album Rating: 1.0 | Sound Off

It's an absolute snooze fest lol DJ Akademiks literally fell asleep on stream listening to it



[2]



should also be brought up for context that ak is drake's biggest dickrider and hype man in the entire world. it would be like if quavo dropped an album and takeoff & offset fell asleep listening to it.

JeetJeet
September 3rd 2021


9972 Comments

Album Rating: 4.0

Sput hating a Drake album. Surprise surprise.

This shits on Donda from a bird's eye view btw.

Digging: JPEGMAFIA - LP!

SteakByrnes
September 3rd 2021


25110 Comments


I have not seen anybody say anything positive about this album lol

Odal
September 3rd 2021


636 Comments

Album Rating: 1.5

This shit's on DONDA? In what world? lol



I don't want to bring DONDA into this but at least that album took risks

JeetJeet
September 3rd 2021


9972 Comments

Album Rating: 4.0

I've been seeing a lot of love and some hate for it, which makes sense since that's basically the reception every Drake album has been getting since 2016

GarthAlgar
September 3rd 2021


701 Comments

Album Rating: 1.0

How can anybody listen to Nothing Was The Same or Take Care and think this dumpster trash is acceptable?

Odal
September 3rd 2021


636 Comments

Album Rating: 1.5

I haven't seen anything genuinely positive outside of the drake subreddit and even then it's mostly cope

JefferyBigglestein2
September 3rd 2021


425 Comments

Album Rating: 1.0 | Sound Off

even /r/hiphopheads which are massive drake stans are shitting on this.



"“I had to fuck a lot of girls to get a kid like this” real eugenics hours"



"This is like if you had a machine learning algo create a simulacrum of a drake album"



"this album is straight out the focus group"



"Man I'm so tired of hearing Jay z half ass features just say no you fucking bum"



"Drake is 34 and the content of his music has not grown at all, either he’s just using the same formula and doesn’t care how the music comes out or he’s a grown ass man who still acts like a teenager"



"I can tell you this much: he could not have packed stadiums for listening parties three different times for fans to hear this aggressively mid album lmao"



this is the same subreddit that thought Dark Lane Demo Tapes and Scorpion were GOOD lmfao







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