Goldie Lookin Chain
Greatest Hits



by undertakerpt USER (28 Reviews)
July 14th, 2006 | 4 replies

Release Date: 2005 | Tracklist

Goldie Lookin Chain are chavs and they know it. What's a chav you ask, well, although they are not as common in America are they as in the U.K, they can be identified by what they wear, their actions and style of words. They often wear counterfit gold, tracksuits and baseball caps. The talk with a very limited vocabulary which is half explicit words, half nonsense. They also have a reputation for doing drugs and drinking alchohol daily. Thank God you havn't got them. (If you would like to see a picture of a chav, please click on my profile thingy, it's not me i swear)

But Goldie Lookin Chain are different from normal chavs. They make fun of themselves a lot and the envioronment they grew up in which is mentioned throughout this album. In interviews, the band were not afraid to say they purchased their clothes from charity shops and stated that "Oxfam is where its at." The album also features numerous drug references which are both funny and probably true. Welsh slang and way of speech is also featured, notably words like "Ambluence" which the band pronounce "Amblumance." It should also be said that while the band lack in speed of rapping or skill in rhyming, they make up for it with over the top humour that makes you wonder, just what is life all about.

Another strange feature is that the album was entiled "Greatest Hits" when it's their debut LP. This was because the band had released a selection of albums locally in their town. This album combines some of the standout tracks of those albums. The American version was entitled "Straight Outta Newport" and features a piss-take of the NWA cover.

The Chain

Adam Huissain
The Maggot
Dwain Xain Xidong
Mike Balls
2hats (say it fast and you'll get the joke)
Mr Love Eggs
Billy Webb
DJ Flatpress (Vocals on Soapbar)

1. The manifesto

Usually i don't give intros a mark but what the hell. This is basically Mr Love Eggs talking about how the band first came together and created a revolution. The background music is really dramatic like a breaking newsflash and Eggsy's voice really sets the tone for the album. The intro is quite funny and deserves some respect. 3/5

2. Self suicide

Now the humour starts to shine. This song is about how famous people have killed themselves and become more famous. Throughout the song, a comedy trumpet plays the melody which makes the song sound quite funny. The song starts with two of the members asking each other to kill themselves so they can become famous. The song then kicks off and features piss takes of dead celebrities like Jimi Hendrix, Kurt Cobain, Elvis and "That bloke from INXS." What is said in this song is controversial but is very true. At one point Adam Huissain says "That Drummer from Def Leppard, his arm has made 10 times more than he has." Which in my opinion is arguably true. Overall this is a very funny song that should be seen whith a sense of humour. 4.5/5

3. Guns don't kill people, rappers do

This be the Chain's first single and it did reativly well reaching number 3 in the U.K charts. Its about how being a rapper makes you automatically tough. Obviously, the Chain are taking the mickey out of American rappers because they show references to Eminem, Tupac, Snoop Dogg and club shootings. The songs background meoldy is played by an elctric guitar and the chorus has a build up of trumpets. The chorus is quite catchy but pretty basic. After hearing this song so many times, I have gotten pretty sick of it, but i still remember the first time i heard it and rejoyced. 3.5/5

4. Half man half machine

This song is literally nonsense but its really clever and funny. It's about one member of the Chain, Mr Love Eggs, thinking he's a robot and doing all twisted things with himself, such as inserting his penis into a plug socket, trying to dance like C3P0 and charging his own energy up by sticking a jack plug into the eye of his cock. Another member of the Chain, Adam Huissain, also raps in this song about how Eggsy is out of control and has gone too far. The song sounds very electronic because it has a slow heavy tempo. The chorus has all the rappers trying to sing as high as they can which is quite funny. The song ends with all the rappers pinning Eggsy to the ground and injecting him to keep him under control. Excellent song. 5/5

5. Roller Disco

The chain decide to take a trip back to 1983 when they were kids and what experieces they shared. The song shows how the Chain used to enjoy their lives before they discovered Hash and Weed (Referred to the Chain as Draw.)
The Chain rap about how they used to watch A-team and Bullseye and how their main hangout was a roller disco. The song is quite fast paced and could be the fastese on the album. The song ends with a DJ going nuts with voice samples. It's overall a good song but a bit of a filler. Gains marks because of the DJ bit. 3.5/5

6. Soap Bar

This is a great song. It starts off with two of the members showing their mobile phone ringtones. Then one of them goes "Check this one out Clart" and then the song kicks in. This song is all about soapbar (which incase you didn't know, is slang for cheap hash, normally called dope.) The melody in the background of the song is very funky and hazy, sort of like the type you would here in a rastafarian den. The song is very laid back and shows why the band like to sit back with a joint and smoke the day away. 5/5

7. Billy Webb's lament

A short Skit that relly doesn't meen anything. Just a member of the band talking when he was drunk.

8. Your mother's got a penis

One of the funniest sickest songs that i can proudly say, my whole family has heard, even my Gran. The GLC's second single from the album. The song has a pretty catchy tune to it and gets really catchy in the chorus. The song basically explains how Eggsy had slept with your mother and discovered male genatalia between her legs. There's nothing more to say. Just Listen to it. 5/5

9. The maggot

This song was written all about band member "The Maggot" (Who appeared on celebrity big brother and did very well coming third.) The song explains how Maggot is a crafty theif and will nick anything off anyone. One part of the song explains how Maggot got annoyed one day and beat up a woman ,nicking the baby and the pram in the process. The rest of the band really rip into Maggot in this song and fair play to him, he must be very patient. It's a good song but could be better. 4/5

10. You knows i loves you

This could be the funniest song on the album. It is basically a ballad or a love song which still features rapping but in a much softer way. The song is about how chavs like the Chain, treat their girlfriends and how they devote themselves to them, like buy them a packet of quavers, or "take them to Mcdonalds with a candle." The vocals show lots of passion in them which makes the song 10 times more funny. The chorus is great because it has all the members singing in a really awful way which is hurtful to the ears. 4.5/5

11. Leeroy fashion's lament

Another skit that means basically nothing, just one of the members talking crap when he was stoned.

12. 21 ounces

You should instantly recognise that this is a piss-take of So Solid Crew's 21 Seconds. The Chain have added a funky bass line and slowed the tempo though, which i think makes the song more bouncy. In case you didn't know, an Ounce is a reference to weed or hash. (Usually the quantity it comes in) The song isn't really that good, just a total rip-off chorus and a bit of drug humour here and there. 3/5

13. Time to make a Change

And now the album reaches the close. This is the slowest song on the album and has been toned down to end the album. It is like a final message to the fans and telling them to "Take care, we'll be back." The song explains why the GLC do what they do and how you should do it to. It's not that good a song but it works better as the final track instead of anywhere else. 3/5

If you came to here extreamly fast impressive rapping that is hard to understand, then you must be lost. However if you came to hear obscene over the top funny lyircs that show you just how stupid the world is today, then I welcome you with open arms. If you live in America and have never heard of these guys, then i suggest you try them out because you can't just listen to big black guys rapping about bitches all your life. You Knows It

Final rating 4/5

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user ratings (13)

Comments:Add a Comment 
July 14th 2006


Album Rating: 3.0

I think that GLC are funnier than people think, but alot less funny than thier fans think. This record is ok, I got it on vynil. They are very loud and very good live too.

Good review

July 14th 2006


ah local boyos. see them all the time about and about. all in all i dont really take them seriously, but they are genuinely funny and always put on a good live show. nice review.

August 6th 2006


yeeh, i seen these dudes play in the afan lido down port talbot, you should have seen the sweat dripping off them. Also, i think maggot did pretty well in big brother.

August 6th 2006


i saw em in brecon, and i agree they put a lt of energy in!

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