Review Summary: Love, Life, Death, Dorks, Kevin
It’s easy to make a ***post. But it’s hard to make a good one.
Ok picture this right, this is an album about Kevin from Ed, Edd n Eddy. With me so far? Ok, it’s also 101 songs long, four hours and crosses a load of different genres, styles and lengths. You still get me? Ok, what if I told you it’s actually fantastic?
Dorkcore 101 is a ride from start to finish. Spamming multiple genres and track lengths, its sort of a White Album for Gen Z. Except, y’know, if the White Album was three times longer and about Kevin. It’s an album that revels in its own insanity. The duo behind Kevin and The Bikes (subbed Kevin Boy 1 and 2) are clearly aware of what beast they’ve released upon the world. The spoken word ‘Podcasts’ (Of which there are 5) that scour the record offer a brief glimpse into what they were thinking with this monster, which quickly break down into a barrage of profanity, insults and badmouthing their own record. They’re aware that what they have here isn’t entirely listenable. The excessively sloppy and crude instrumental work, the stream of conscious barely connected to EENE lyrics and the horrific mastering which makes nearly every word incoherent all point to this being one big demented ***post. But it’s more than that.
‘Fun Fact: The album becomes listenable at track 83’ reads the group’s Bandcamp page. Indeed it does. It’s at this point the record finally snaps into shape and the playing and singing become surprisingly good. The track ‘Jimmy’s Gay’ is an surprisingly solid peace of hardcore which ends in a genuinely wild wall of death moment. The dream pop MBV influenced ‘Kevin, You’re Gonna Be Someone Someday’ is genuinely beautiful and the emo instrumental ‘Stuck In Purgatory’ mixes twinkling guitars and shimmering synth notes to make something actually quite touching. Least be said of the climatic finale ‘Kevin Moves Out Of Peach Creek’, a ten minute post rock opus which somehow manages to be supremely funny and absolutely heartbreaking at the same time. The fact an album about Kevin from Ed Edd N Eddy moved me to such an extent speaks volumes about how much time and effort was poured into this
Still. You might think to simply jump straight to track 83 and ride out the last hour of the album without having to face the 3 hours of chaos that proceeded it but that would be cheating. Ironically, some of the album’s funniest and most creative moments lie within the madness of these tracks. From power electronics (‘First The Cul-De-Sac, Then The World’) to Country (‘What’s Under Double D’s Hat? (Hint: It’s Weed)’) free jazz (‘Bikini Babes Magazine (Free Jazz Version’) harsh noise (‘Eddy’s Brother is a Child Batterer’) punk rock (‘Kevin Domination’) and more, it’s an album that touches all bases. It definitely can come off like a test of patience in places but the shambolic nature of half the tracks make up for it in someway. The band’s cover of Weezer’s ‘Buddy Holly’, (now named Buddy Dorky) is a complete trainwreck, with out of Time drums, extremely dissonant and awkward guitar licks and slurred almost drunk vocals. Half the lyrics are simply replaced with the word ‘bike’ as the group desperately try to cling onto any Kevin related imagery they can. It all ends with one of the two mumbling “I hate my life” into the mic.
The duo are clearly having the time of their lives recording this and there’s frequent banter and hysterically laughing from the two throughout many songs. They’re aware they’re not good at what they’re doing, but they don’t care. It’s all a big meme at the end of the day and they had fun and you should too. The fact this monster took 4 years to fully make and crosses nearly every genre under the sun, with two Second noise tracks, strange freak folk ballads and reaches into Power Electronics and IDM just makes it all the more charming. There’s something to be found in nearly every track, as harsh and difficult as they may be.
Good Family Values
The Entire Plot Of Ed, Edd N Eddy Summarised in One Sentence
My Bike is Damn Fast
*** Any Dork
What If There Were No Dorks?
Bikini Babes Magazine (Free Jazz Version)
Stuck In Purgatory
I ***ing Hate My Friends, They Don’t Understand My Love for The Eds
Kevin, You’re Gonna Be Someone Someday
Kevin Moves Out Of Peach Creek