Christian And The Hedgehog Boys
Christian and the Hedgehog Boys


1.0
awful

Review

by IronyIsADeadScene USER (1 Reviews)
August 21st, 2019 | 31 replies


Release Date: 2006 | Tracklist

Review Summary: An album both abysmally pathetic and fascinating as a work of outside art.

An obvious statement about Christian and the Hedgehog Boys is that they are one of the most utterly talentless bands to ever exist, but this would be inaccurate. Christian and the Hedgehog Boys are not a band at all, but the solo project of a thoroughly disturbed individual, Christian (later Christine) Weston Chandler of Ruckersville, Virginia. The "Hedgehog Boys" are in fact merely characters from Chandler's "Sonichu" comic series, which is to art what this project is to music. Chandler, however, not quite living in the same reality as the rest of us, believes his poorly proportioned creations to be real, to the point of claiming to have married some of them.

Unlike Chandler's fellow band members, the music on offer hear is all too real, though it is certainly not "real" in any terms of musical authenticity. Literally every song on this album consists of Chandler's blithely tuneless wailing over another artist's song, with the original lyrics frequently being audible underneath. To Chandler's dubious credit, his lyrics are at least frequently more entertaining than those of the original work, offering an insight into his comical worldview.

The opening song, "So Need A Cute Girl", by far Chandler's most famous, is one of the best examples of this. Over the tune of a dull Backstreet Boys song, Chandler moans about his failure to get laid, as if everything else about this album didn't make these issues rather obvious. His pitiful "Tell me why I'm stuck as a virgin with rage / Tell me why I so need a cute girl my age" and "Why do all of the jerks get all of the pretty girls / You may not notice, but I want you to know that I am a lonesome heart!" epitomise all too well the asinine ravings of the "incel" movement, blaming everyone and everything but their own repulsive personalities for why pretty ladies aren't seduced by the sight of them. "Feel So Lonesome", sung over a Britney Spears song, is even more pessimistic, discussing self-harm in Chandler's typically inept fashion: "Tell me, don't I have the charm? / If no girl comes, I'll break my arm." "BFF's (Best Friends Forever)" is directed at Chandler's former crush Sarah Hammer and her then boyfriend Wes Iseli, lamenting that she no longer wants to be with him: "You hang out with your new friends you made / And your boyfriend who acts as a Black Sonichu". With these lyrics, Chandler incorporates characters from the "Sonichu" mythos into his music, creating a bizarre fusion of fantasy and reality which reflects the world as he sees it.

Nonetheless, this record is not merely a series of musical rants about Chandler's virgnity, and other songs cover a diverse range of subjects; even Chandler realises that his audience may find 8 songs of moaning about his lack of sexual prowess a little tiresome. "A-U-T-I-S-M", sung over another Backstreet Boys tune, describes his struggles with the condition, but downplays it as merely a minor inconvenience, pointing out that he made honor roll; the fact this was probably a gesture of pity by the teachers eludes him. "Yellow Is A Mellow Color", meanwhile, is intended as light relief sung over the tune of the Macarena, or what Chandler describes as "random-access humour"; to everyone else, this means utter nonsense, but is it really any more surreal than the rest of his life? "La Cocina en La Casa de Casanova", sung entirely in Spanish over a Ricky Martin song, describes a wild party of the sort that Chandler imagined the "jerks" enjoying: "¡Hay muchas chicas y niñas aqu* en la casa! / ¡Casanova está muy feliz porque está hacienda cosas calientes!" (There are many girls here in the house / Casanova is very happy because he's doing hot/sexy things). Unfortunately for Chandler, this saw little success in the Spanish music market.

The remaining songs on the record, "Sonichu Zip" and the closing track, "Christian and the Hedgehog Boys Theme", concern the characters of the Sonichu mythos. Depending on one's tolerance for preposterously poor artwork and storytelling, reading the comics can give some insight into the meaning of the lyrics; a brief summary would be that Sonichu and his fellow "electric hedgehog Pokemon" are combinations of Sonic the Hedgehog and Pokemon, who fight various villains frequently based on people from Chandler's real life. "Sonichu Zip" is in fact sung over a song called "Sonic Drive" about Sonic the Hedgehog, demonstrating the degree of copyright infringement in Chandler's work. I suspect, though, that Chandler could make a case for fair use in terms of parody; no one is likely to confuse his work with the original. The final track is unusual in that the song it is sung over is instrumental, bringing Chandler's laughable vocals to the fore. The lyrics proclaim a glorious future for the band: "Christian and the Hedgehog Boys will rock the world!"

Sadly for Chandler, this did not happen. The album, recorded in 2003 when Chandler was 21, went completely unnoticed until Internet trolls took interest in him in 2007. After this, it and Chandler's subsequent works have received a significant amount of exposure, but only as objects of mockery and derision.

When assigning a rating to an album, a reviewer must decide whether to rate purely on the quality of the music, or the significance of the album in general. In this case, I have gone with the former, and given this the worst rating I can give; if I could give a zero or negative rating, I could, since this album is truly devoid of any artistic merit. Yet, as a work of outsider art, the album remains an interesting curio - the voice of a delusional man who recognises that he is a pitiful failure, and yet believes he is destined for greatness.


user ratings (32)
3.7
great
other reviews of this album
Drbebop (4.5)
Autism, trolling, PS Triple, Sonichu...


Comments:Add a Comment 
IronyIsADeadScene
August 21st 2019


184 Comments

Album Rating: 1.0

This is on the wrong "Christian and the Hedgehog Boys". It's supposed to be on the debut.

Sinternet
August 21st 2019


20286 Comments


imagine 1ing this

Digging: Lana Del Rey - Norman Fucking Rockwell

Sinternet
August 21st 2019


20286 Comments


also congrats on the three fucking dead pages

WeepinnWillow
August 22nd 2019


754 Comments


why on earth did you take time out of your day to review a fucking Chris-chan album

veninblazer
August 22nd 2019


10076 Comments


[2]

Space Jester
August 22nd 2019


7190 Comments


You guys are acting like this isn’t a masterpiece

Ninjahague
August 22nd 2019


1465 Comments


this is an awful meme why would you do this
why

BigPleb
August 22nd 2019


59794 Comments


Ah, so this is the guy you were on about haha.

BAT
August 22nd 2019


725 Comments


kinda sounds like the pixies

Trebor.
Staff Reviewer
August 22nd 2019


56933 Comments


JustinRPG is much funnier

Digging: Daniel Johnston - Songs of Pain

Supercoolguy64
August 22nd 2019


8997 Comments


was that the guy that was a straight up pedo?

Digging: Rabbit Junk - REframe

IronyIsADeadScene
August 22nd 2019


184 Comments

Album Rating: 1.0

For my first review I wanted to do something abysmal that didn't already have a review. So I chose this.

PsychicChris
August 22nd 2019


327 Comments


Legit Pinkerton review.

CugnoBrasso
August 22nd 2019


749 Comments


Giving this album a 1 should count as bullying.

Drbebop
August 23rd 2019


65 Comments

Album Rating: 4.5

Implying this isn’t a fascinating masterpiece

Jasdevi087
August 23rd 2019


5651 Comments


not a bad album

CugnoBrasso
August 23rd 2019


749 Comments


I remember listening to a guy on youtube whose songs were about having sex with a pokemon, and he kept on moaning "oorresshirreemm oh my reshireeeeem", was it Christian?

DoofDoof
August 23rd 2019


5111 Comments

Album Rating: 1.0

Light the bonfire

Pikazilla
August 23rd 2019


3429 Comments


Peppa the Pig, Slipknot, Christian and Lana gonna have to fight it out for aoty now

MarsKid
Contributing Reviewer
August 23rd 2019


10117 Comments


If only this came out in 2019

Digging: WRVTH - No Rising Sun



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