The Contortionist
Our Bones


5.0
classic

Review

by ValenDreth USER (22 Reviews)
August 9th, 2019 | 31 replies


Release Date: 08/09/2019 | Tracklist


This is my first time hearing The Contortionist and I am in tears. Those breakdowns... those soulful, passionate vocals... and the message. Wow. I just listened to the hit single "Early Grave" and at first I was just bopping up and down, getting chills as I swayed to the melody. But the chills got colder and it felt as if I had stepped into the freezer. It hit me halfway through the song that vocalist is talking about the facts of life. He's telling us we better appreciate life while we're here and we better love each other, because you could, as the angelic chorus reminds us, "end up in an early grave, oh yeah!" I haven't looked up the guy's name yet, but he's a genius. He can hit angelic highs, demonic lows - in a way his masterful vocal stylings, his dominance of juxtaposition, is a metaphor for the journey of life, and is almost literary in its scope and execution - if this were Black Ops 2 he would be like a no scoper with his vocals. He doesn't even have to try, but he tries so hard because he wants our ears to be uplifted with purity. Well, again with a Call of Duty metaphor, I'd say he got a lot of headshots here.
The guitars are swirling, textured rays of beauty. The breakdowns though, damn. It is more juxtaposition, making this one of the most intelligent albums of the year. The bass is so good. And the pounding drums, you could take ever double bass tutorial off of YouTube now and just make people listen to this maniac - I feel like I'm getting hit in the head. It takes you by surprise, it confuses the brain, but in a good way, like if someone farted or took a big crap and it actually smelled good. You'd be glad you stuck around. And that's like this album - a turd that smells wonderful. I'd eat it.



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user ratings (139)
3.4
great
other reviews of this album
SitarHero CONTRIBUTOR (3.5)
Rising from an early grave...


Comments:Add a Comment 
Darius the Great
August 9th 2019


21513 Comments


piss off

Devastator
August 9th 2019


4035 Comments


What the fuck is this.

Muppelope
August 9th 2019


1836 Comments


I liked reading this. But not in a good way. Oh, I get it. It's a juxtaposition, you little fuckin genius you.

veninblazer
August 9th 2019


10326 Comments


what the hell did i just read

WeepinnWillow
August 9th 2019


926 Comments


what

ValenDreth
August 9th 2019


68 Comments

Album Rating: 5.0

Any tips (not that I need them), or just insults?

butt.
August 9th 2019


7055 Comments


" if this were Black Ops 2 he would be like a no scoper with his vocals."
made my fucking daaaaay

Devastator
August 9th 2019


4035 Comments


"Any tips (not that I need them), or just insults?"

Have someone else write your reviews, then they might actually be funny.

sizeofanocean
August 9th 2019


1778 Comments

Album Rating: 3.5

I hope this is an elaborate troll. Reads like one of those overblown youtube comments

Devastator
August 9th 2019


4035 Comments


All his other reviews are like this so it's just a troll or some 13 year old that thinks he's funny.

hansoloshotfirst
August 9th 2019


1430 Comments


is this how u got into scat porn?

Digging: Realmbuilder - Blue Flame Cavalry

9Hammer
August 9th 2019


298 Comments

Album Rating: 3.0 | Sound Off

I guess I'll consider reviewing this now, lol.

Digging: Twelve Foot Ninja - New Dawn

LotionLord
August 9th 2019


83 Comments


"if this were Black Ops 2 he would be like a no scoper with his vocals."
"like if someone farted or took a big crap and it actually smelled good."

These are the best 2 sentences I've ever read.


butt.
August 9th 2019


7055 Comments


"It takes you by surprise, it confuses the brain, but in a good way, like if someone farted or took a big crap and it actually smelled good. You'd be glad you stuck around. And that's like this album"
getting this tattooed on my forearm

Deathconscious
August 9th 2019


24143 Comments


Lmao

Digging: Pepper Proud - Water

sonictheplumber
August 9th 2019


10985 Comments


A fine review

Slex
Contributing Reviewer
August 9th 2019


9422 Comments


Www dot Sputnikmusic dot com is thriving

Digging: Nicolas Jaar - Cenizas

Ninjahague
August 9th 2019


1621 Comments


uuuuhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

pos

butt.
August 9th 2019


7055 Comments


after reading a couple of his other reviews, this is sadly not genuine, but I'm still entertained and thankful

Get Low
August 9th 2019


7588 Comments


Better than most staff reviews.



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