The Contortionist
Our Bones


5.0
classic

Review

by ValenDreth USER (15 Reviews)
August 9th, 2019 | 30 replies


Release Date: 2019 | Tracklist


This is my first time hearing The Contortionist and I am in tears. Those breakdowns... those soulful, passionate vocals... and the message. Wow. I just listened to the hit single "Early Grave" and at first I was just bopping up and down, getting chills as I swayed to the melody. But the chills got colder and it felt as if I had stepped into the freezer. It hit me halfway through the song that vocalist is talking about the facts of life. He's telling us we better appreciate life while we're here and we better love each other, because you could, as the angelic chorus reminds us, "end up in an early grave, oh yeah!" I haven't looked up the guy's name yet, but he's a genius. He can hit angelic highs, demonic lows - in a way his masterful vocal stylings, his dominance of juxtaposition, is a metaphor for the journey of life, and is almost literary in its scope and execution - if this were Black Ops 2 he would be like a no scoper with his vocals. He doesn't even have to try, but he tries so hard because he wants our ears to be uplifted with purity. Well, again with a Call of Duty metaphor, I'd say he got a lot of headshots here.
The guitars are swirling, textured rays of beauty. The breakdowns though, damn. It is more juxtaposition, making this one of the most intelligent albums of the year. The bass is so good. And the pounding drums, you could take ever double bass tutorial off of YouTube now and just make people listen to this maniac - I feel like I'm getting hit in the head. It takes you by surprise, it confuses the brain, but in a good way, like if someone farted or took a big crap and it actually smelled good. You'd be glad you stuck around. And that's like this album - a turd that smells wonderful. I'd eat it.



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user ratings (98)
Chart.
3.3
great
other reviews of this album
SitarHero CONTRIBUTOR (3.5)
Rising from an early grave...


Comments:Add a Comment 
Darius the Great
August 9th 2019


20740 Comments


piss off

Devastator
August 9th 2019


3904 Comments


What the fuck is this.

Muppelope
August 9th 2019


1716 Comments


I liked reading this. But not in a good way. Oh, I get it. It's a juxtaposition, you little fuckin genius you.

AgentDeathbat
August 9th 2019


10022 Comments


what the hell did i just read

WeepinnWillow
August 9th 2019


733 Comments


what

Digging: Bad Omens - Finding God Before God Finds Me

ValenDreth
August 9th 2019


56 Comments

Album Rating: 5.0

Any tips (not that I need them), or just insults?

ButtBoy
August 9th 2019


4310 Comments


" if this were Black Ops 2 he would be like a no scoper with his vocals."
made my fucking daaaaay

Devastator
August 9th 2019


3904 Comments


"Any tips (not that I need them), or just insults?"

Have someone else write your reviews, then they might actually be funny.

sizeofanocean
August 9th 2019


1317 Comments

Album Rating: 3.5

I hope this is an elaborate troll. Reads like one of those overblown youtube comments

Devastator
August 9th 2019


3904 Comments


All his other reviews are like this so it's just a troll or some 13 year old that thinks he's funny.

hansoloshotfirst
August 9th 2019


1417 Comments


is this how u got into scat porn?

9Hammer
August 9th 2019


211 Comments

Album Rating: 2.5 | Sound Off

I guess I'll consider reviewing this now, lol.

LotionLord
August 9th 2019


64 Comments


"if this were Black Ops 2 he would be like a no scoper with his vocals."
"like if someone farted or took a big crap and it actually smelled good."

These are the best 2 sentences I've ever read.


ButtBoy
August 9th 2019


4310 Comments


"It takes you by surprise, it confuses the brain, but in a good way, like if someone farted or took a big crap and it actually smelled good. You'd be glad you stuck around. And that's like this album"
getting this tattooed on my forearm

AdolfChrist
August 9th 2019


21983 Comments


Lmao

Digging: Cerebral Rot - Odious Descent Into Decay

sonictheplumber
August 9th 2019


10427 Comments


A fine review

Slex
Contributing Reviewer
August 9th 2019


7866 Comments


Www dot Sputnikmusic dot com is thriving

Digging: We Are Only Human Once - The Prettiest Boys in Town

Ninjahague
August 9th 2019


1414 Comments


uuuuhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

pos

ButtBoy
August 9th 2019


4310 Comments


after reading a couple of his other reviews, this is sadly not genuine, but I'm still entertained and thankful

Get Low
August 9th 2019


6111 Comments

Album Rating: 3.5

Better than most staff reviews.



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