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This is my first time hearing The Contortionist and I am in tears. Those breakdowns... those soulful, passionate vocals... and the message. Wow. I just listened to the hit single "Early Grave" and at first I was just bopping up and down, getting chills as I swayed to the melody. But the chills got colder and it felt as if I had stepped into the freezer. It hit me halfway through the song that vocalist is talking about the facts of life. He's telling us we better appreciate life while we're here and we better love each other, because you could, as the angelic chorus reminds us, "end up in an early grave, oh yeah!" I haven't looked up the guy's name yet, but he's a genius. He can hit angelic highs, demonic lows - in a way his masterful vocal stylings, his dominance of juxtaposition, is a metaphor for the journey of life, and is almost literary in its scope and execution - if this were Black Ops 2 he would be like a no scoper with his vocals. He doesn't even have to try, but he tries so hard because he wants our ears to be uplifted with purity. Well, again with a Call of Duty metaphor, I'd say he got a lot of headshots here.
The guitars are swirling, textured rays of beauty. The breakdowns though, damn. It is more juxtaposition, making this one of the most intelligent albums of the year. The bass is so good. And the pounding drums, you could take ever double bass tutorial off of YouTube now and just make people listen to this maniac - I feel like I'm getting hit in the head. It takes you by surprise, it confuses the brain, but in a good way, like if someone farted or took a big crap and it actually smelled good. You'd be glad you stuck around. And that's like this album - a turd that smells wonderful. I'd eat it.
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What the fuck is this.
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I liked reading this. But not in a good way. Oh, I get it. It's a juxtaposition, you little fuckin genius you.
| | | Album Rating: 4.0
what the hell did i just read
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what
| | | Album Rating: 5.0
Any tips (not that I need them), or just insults?
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" if this were Black Ops 2 he would be like a no scoper with his vocals."
made my fucking daaaaay
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"Any tips (not that I need them), or just insults?"
Have someone else write your reviews, then they might actually be funny.
| | | Album Rating: 3.5
I hope this is an elaborate troll. Reads like one of those overblown youtube comments
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All his other reviews are like this so it's just a troll or some 13 year old that thinks he's funny.
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is this how u got into scat porn?
| | | Album Rating: 3.0 | Sound Off
I guess I'll consider reviewing this now, lol.
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"if this were Black Ops 2 he would be like a no scoper with his vocals."
"like if someone farted or took a big crap and it actually smelled good."
These are the best 2 sentences I've ever read.
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"It takes you by surprise, it confuses the brain, but in a good way, like if someone farted or took a big crap and it actually smelled good. You'd be glad you stuck around. And that's like this album"
getting this tattooed on my forearm
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Lmao
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A fine review
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Www dot Sputnikmusic dot com is thriving
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uuuuhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
pos
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after reading a couple of his other reviews, this is sadly not genuine, but I'm still entertained and thankful
| | | Album Rating: 3.5
Better than most staff reviews.
| | | Album Rating: 3.0 | Sound Off
Entertaining of a review, yeah. I'll agree on that.
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