Numenorean
Adore


2.5
average

Review

by MiloRuggles USER (4 Reviews)
June 19th, 2019 | 31 replies


Release Date: 2019 | Tracklist

Review Summary: Dolly Parton lies prone, all is wrong with the world.

As you get older you start to see more patterns. Wisdom is slowly distilled from the fact that the number of unique experiences available to you is finite and declines at a rate corresponding to the number of things you've experienced. In the same way that your brain can parse memories of pattern observation on a sports field in order to deduce your next move in any given situation, it can also take snapshots of moments that affected you emotionally, and further on in life relate that moment to an emotion you're currently experiencing, sending warning signals straight at you just like that mongoloid-looking, waistcoat-sporting BFG from Twin Peaks, squinting into a spotlight and waving his gangly arms, that familiar warning, “It is happening again...”

Well, fuck me. If that ain't relevant to how this album makes me feel, then someone needs to tell my Dad that it's entirely possible that Dolly Parton sleeps on her stomach.

Blackgaze is an important genre for me, and no amount of Moonlight jokes is going to change that. I didn't use blackgaze as some kind of aural lubricant to grease my ears into eventually getting reamed by the the OG church-burners and murderers. I glid through the whole grimy black metal canon prior to approaching blackgaze with my acoustic meatus positively gaped, expanding with glee to encompass and swallow every offshoot and totally-not-self-marketed bandcamp link thrown my way.

At this juncture- specifically my fifth time listening to Adore- my brain is on some 4D chess shit, calculating vectors and trajectories. Emotions are surfacing that I've felt before, and my brain is throwing up neon signs that read something like this: BLACKGAZE IS FUCKING DEAD.

Woah there, buddy. That's certainly melodramatic. Let's consider that statement as we would consider a prophecy from R'hllor: maybe it's already happened (alumni of the University of Fuck Deafheaven may find solace in this interpretation), maybe it will happen (Alcest have signed on to Nuclear Blast), and maybe it'll never happen (could the cold logic of reality possibly allow for bands with promise to continue to emerge?). All of the above options are possible. All of the above options are correct. So what's the deal with this LP then?

Adore is thoughtful and well-constructed. It sounds every inch like the record Numenorean must have dreamed of going into the studio. I can only imagine the glee that everybody involved in this project feels about it's release and reception. If I ever meet one of these people, I'll buy them some obscure beer, and maybe after I congratulate them on their success and sincerely mean it our beards might accidentally touch. We'll kiss, briefly, but when our eyes encounter after we pull our mouths apart the feeling will sink in. I'll never be capable of loving you, and I'm too old to waste my time. The feeling is mutual.

Adore is impeccably produced, if slightly sterile. The drums are admittedly the weakpoint production-wise. They are clean, pristine, and without character, but they still do the job and the performance is more than admirable. The bass is standard metal fare, but the tone is merlin. The guitars adopt guises from thicc and nasty riffage to clean and reverby noodling with all the grace of a geisha in corpse-paint. The vocals are strong and varied and treated in a variety of interesting ways. The introductory fuckaround of a first track does a great job of drawing your attention in, and succeeding interludes and transitions all bring something new to the table (those howling vocals and steadily descending noises at the end of Portrait of Pieces are a real highlight). Diverse and interesting effects are utilised with care at precise moments on this meticulously crafted album, supplying plenty of kooky details with a practiced flourish.

These are all compliments I feel obliged to make before stepping back, arranging my index fingers and thumbs into a neat rectangle, and squinting at Adore trying to make out just where it belongs. In the long and storied context of metal as a whole, it's trite. I mean, a lot of metal is. But Numenorean is trying so hard to be more than another trite metal band that I feel pangs of disappointment every time they fall short.

Portrait of Pieces provides the first of these moments during the major key break before its final section of black metal, when a guitar pops in front-and-center with some godawful effect stamped all over it that's so out of whack with the rest of the rest of the song that it's hard not to laugh. Unfortunately this cheesy, corny vibe that they stumbled upon here is something of a touchstone for the album, and it's instantly backed up when Horizon's chorus kicks in with its cries of “I finally found myself again / This home is now my friend.” In and of itself, it's a weak lyric. Delivered as perhaps the defining anthemic chorus of the album, it's reminiscent of the clueless self-indulgence that Ricky Gervais once lambasted before turning into the very monster he despised when he decided that Afterlife was a script worth turning into a television series.

I won't bore you further with a laundry list of cherry-picked moments that I personally disliked in this already indulgent 2.5 review of a widely enjoyed and acclaimed album that's actually deserving of its success, but the fact is that these and other small pockmarks are omnipresent throughout this album, and it turns what could have been an altogether pleasant experience into one that's as frustrating as a dutch rudder with oven gloves on.


user ratings (196)
Chart.
3.8
excellent
other reviews of this album
Scheumke (4.5)
Focused and satisfying, gut-punching and tear-jerking...



Comments:Add a Comment 
BlushfulHippocrene
Staff Reviewer
June 19th 2019


2923 Comments


...good review.

Winesburgohio
Staff Reviewer
June 19th 2019


2592 Comments


...good review.

Digging: Crossed Out - Fuck Grindcore

Scheumke
June 19th 2019


947 Comments

Album Rating: 4.5

Yeah why not, I'll join in.

...good review.

Digging: Heilung - Futha

DDDeftoneDDD
June 19th 2019


5855 Comments

Album Rating: 4.5 | Sound Off

I agree this ain't blackgaze, or in its purest form to say the least.

Digging: False - Portent

neekafat
Contributing Reviewer
June 19th 2019


16401 Comments


...fantastic review
can't believe you managed to use "thicc" unironically in a semi-professional review and it somehow worked

ramon.
Contributing Reviewer
June 19th 2019


3157 Comments


fuck me dead bahahahaha
pos

verdant
Staff Reviewer
June 19th 2019


2416 Comments


A NEW CHALLENGER EMERGES...

Papa Universe
June 19th 2019


22234 Comments

Album Rating: 3.5

your first review here, but I reckon not your first overall.



POSenorean

clavier
Staff Reviewer
June 19th 2019


951 Comments

Album Rating: 2.7

the sort of review that makes you want to retire to an island and never write again

Digging: for your health/Shin Guard - Death of Spring

Pikazilla
June 19th 2019


1350 Comments

Album Rating: 4.0

pls review more

TheSpirit
Contributing Reviewer
June 19th 2019


25579 Comments

Album Rating: 2.0

this album doesn't deserve this review, but this is the review this album needed

zaruyache
June 19th 2019


21122 Comments

Album Rating: 2.5 | Sound Off

this review is my animal guide through the spirit world and gives me LIFE.

Archelirion
June 19th 2019


5716 Comments


This is absolutely out-fuckin-standing

alt or not, I love whoever wrote this

MiloRuggles
June 19th 2019


38 Comments

Album Rating: 2.5

Thanks for the feedback everyone! I've been lurking here for an impossibly long time, so it means a lot.



@clavier If it's any consolation, I was actually just digging through your reviews yesterday at work. You're an amazing writer!



Also, this review was inspired by @ramon.s review of Warforged. thx buddy

JohnnyoftheWell
Contributing Reviewer
June 19th 2019


15555 Comments


This made me happy. Keep writing. Be more savage. We don't deserve it, but do it anyway. Pos.

Digging: bloodthirsty butchers - Kocorono

clavier
Staff Reviewer
June 19th 2019


951 Comments

Album Rating: 2.7

@milo i'm blushing

i'll be sure to pass on the message to ramon

Winesburgohio
Staff Reviewer
June 19th 2019


2592 Comments


i've been laughing about "as frustrating as a dutch rudder with oven gloves on" since i read it, inspired

FilteredSeaMen
June 19th 2019


4 Comments


I can speak from first hand experience about the whole dutch rudder glove thing. Except it was with oven mits on (do they count as gloves??). Really empathized with you on that. Review was shit, but in a good way.

vkristi
June 20th 2019


6 Comments

Album Rating: 4.0

This album is far better than average.

Hawks
June 20th 2019


72455 Comments

Album Rating: 4.5

Damn Brandon a 2?? I’m kinda shocked that you don’t dig this.

Digging: Blood Stain Child - Epsilon



You have to be logged in to post a comment. Login | Create a Profile





STAFF & CONTRIBUTORS // SITE FORUM // CONTACT US

Bands: A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z


Site Copyright 2005-2017 Sputnikmusic.com
All Album Reviews Displayed With Permission of Authors | Terms of Use | Privacy Policy