Review Summary: If you’ll allow me, I’d like to regale you all with the tale of the time in which I recently pretended to be sick, and got to stay home from school for a whole week.
As I’m sure you can quite easily imagine, fun times were had by all. The good times began when my various friends discovered what I had done. Given the fact that they were all very studious and hardworking, they were obviously disappointed in my antics.
“Why the hell would you do that⁈” Jack yelled over the phone, as I proudly explained to him how awesome I was.
“I just wasn’t feeling it.” I replied, feeling no remorse for my actions, “I can just make up all the work that I miss. It’s ok if I half ass it, the teachers grade based off of participation anyways.”
“I don’t think we can be friends anymore.” Jack said, scathingly.
“Well ***.” I responded, bummed out about having lost one of my best friends.
Later in this very day, I decided to go out on a brief walk, while my parents worked. It was nice outside, but there was a tangible air of uncertainty, floating about through the air. And the distinct lack of living creatures and people may have also been cause for concern, but I chose not to care. The rest of the day continued on, much like any other day. I walked around to find some friends in the ground, but all the bugs had packed up and gone away, it seems. Regardless, life continues. Perhaps this was a feature. Life is something of an enigma after all, so it isn’t out of the question.
However, on the second day, I began to grow increasingly certain that something was wrong. This small, Kansas town was filled with people I didn’t know. A change of pace from previous, but a somewhat unwelcome one, nonetheless. I was hoping to glean some information off of them, and inquire as to why they were all dawned in only the most festive of Christmas attire. Much to my detriment, they were to distracted with the hasty installation of Christmas lights throughout the town. Christmas light are nice and, and provide exactly what their name implies, but alas- the lights were all orange, and from experience, I can confirm that if ever was there a color that didn’t feel “Christmasy” It would be orange. The tree came first, but that’s not the point. Santa always puts his lies underneath a pine tree anyways. Orange trees never got the credit they deserved. But hey- If I were to associate with Florida as much as those guys do, I’d probably be equally as ignored/disliked. At least I wasn’t at school, and for now; I could breathe freely.
The third day was quiet, but not too quiet. Whispers were audible in the air, and footsteps permeated the dense, quiet atmosphere. A thick fog filled the air, bathing everything in, (for lack of a better word) A thick fog. The orange lights were on, and for the first time, I noticed the outlines of all the buildings that I had spent nearly my whole life in. They looked angry about something, but for the life of me; I just couldn’t figure out why. One of them spoke to me, but I just don’t recall what it said. It sounded tired, which is more than understandable, it must be a lot of work to stand up all the time.
On the fourth day, I made some new friends, who provided me with a brand new drug. I haven’t done drugs, and I’m not familiar with them, so this was a refreshingly exciting experience. The appeal meth has suddenly become much more apparent. Maybe I’ll save up my allowances and pick some up at the 7/11. The drug took me somewhere far away. The ground was black, and littered with damaged pieces of machinery. About a mile ahead, I saw a tower. It was constructed out of some sort of yellow crystal, and the whole structure glowed dimly. It rumbled, and oscillated slightly, giving the impression that its collapse was imminent. At the base of the tower, many people were congregated, cheering and laughing happily, as they celebrated and praised the building, for being so good. What was it good at? I still do not know. Effortlessly, I drifted nearer to the building, and found that the people involved with the celebration had no eyes. Just skin, obscuring where their sockets should have been.
The fifth day was difficult. The orange lights were leaking, and everything began to grow taller. It was subtle at first, but their size increased exponentially. The whispers were screams, and the noise was deafening. Everything sounded the same, but it sounded nonetheless. These creatures, that were once building; now warped and contorted, blocking out the dim grey light from the sun. It now rained constantly. Small drops of glowing, orange liquid, provided the illumination necessary to see somewhat clearly. The concrete walls of the skyscrapers were now stained with the same orange hue, and an intense, orange luminosity. A luminocity, perhaps. A knife fight broke out around the middle of the day, and the town square was darkened slightly by the large amounts of blood, which seemed to almost absorb the light that the liquid emitted. Everyone was bored, and they all looked identical. My name is “Number 16” now. I was the 16th one to get a name and the corresponding tattoo.
on the sixth day, I attempted in vain to dance away the monotony. After countless visits, to countless gay bars, I came to the conclusion that sexual orientation is not a very fun theme for a bar, despite its usefulness. I’d much rather to to a Pirate themed bar, or perhaps a bar revolving around Outer Space. This could be a problem in future however, as my lack of straightness may clash with non gay bars. I tried getting a pet. I went down to my local pet store, and picked out a cat. Despite being the most average cat of all time, he was still a good cat, and I loved him very much. He was friendly, and I was nice to him, so we were both happy for the time being. He makes me lasagna though, I fear that his intent may be malicious. Trying to fatten me up will ya⁈ I’m okay with that. carry on, Robert.
Day seven was neat. I got in a fist fight, and developed an intense level of hatred of people who bring guns to fistfights. People are getting smarter, but I’m not sure if I want them to. Manipulation is easy when ⅓ of the population is stupid. I’d burn down the libraries, but I don’t want to be that Guy. The day felt longer than the other ones, as if it just didn’t want to end. The orange rain began to slow, and the people dawned in Christmas garb began to disappear. During this long day, I took up stamp collecting as a hobby; but in retrospect, it was too dark to see my beautiful stamps, so it may have been a waste of time. Once it started getting dark out, one of my remaining friends and I decided to go hunting, and while we wandered through the forest, we looked for things to shoot. Growing disheartened, and a bit disappointed that nothing has died by our hands, we heard the rustling of a bird taking off from a tree. It was too dark to see, but ears were all that was needed. My friend fired a shot, and we heard a thud, as something hit the ground. Due to the lack of light, we were unable to find our victim, so we chose to camp out, and examine our handiwork the next day.
The next day was a Saturday. Sun out, buildings normal, and no more ***ty Christmas outfits. I woke up my friend, and after a brief search, we found the bird. The bullet had merely grazed it, carving something of a trench through its breast. The bird was black, which shiny, long feathers. I’d seen this type of bird before, but I just couldn’t remember what it was called. The bird was not dead. Every once and awhile, it twitched, or moved slightly. It was in pain. It bled a bright yellow liquid that seeped into the ground, and deep into the soil. The bird finally died, and as it did, nothing happened. I simply did my missed homework that was all going to be due on Monday. My grades certainly reflected my effort though. I don’t know how, but I ended up turning in the exact same thing for every assignment, in every class.