Reviews oh so rarely get to the point these days, so I'll just sum up my normal two paragraph long intro with one simple statement:
James Blunt sucks.
What's wrong with Blunt isn't anything in particular. It's a culmination of horrible facets that, while they may occasionally work for other artists, he deems suitable to flaunt at every single waking moment. The most obvious example of this is his extremely high, annoying voice. The first four times I heard
You're Beautiful, I could stand it. Mind you, I didn't
like it, but I could stand it and enjoy the music (more on that later). However, as time wore on (AKA I listened to this album once), I already hated its very being. Not the normal 'oh that guy sucks' kind of thing, full on 'Why is this mother #@!$%^ singing!?You see, he has a weird little trick he does with his voice, that I really can't describe, but since I assume everyone has heard Shakira, I can only describe it as an emasculated, more grating, and even more impossibly high.
Of course, some singers overcame bad voices with their penchant for songwriting (Bob Dylan, anyone?). James Blunt completely sidesteps this as well. A mere check of his hit single
You're Beautiful will reveal just how awful Blunt be. There is the quintessential Blunt chorus "
You’re beautiful. You're beautiful. You're beautiful, it's true". Really, is she beautiful James? I'd say this was the worst lyrical moment on the song, but there are quite a few others to draw from. The
Jimmy Hendrix tribute
So Long Jimmy is silly and completely worthless, as Blunt epically sings such lines as
”Did you lick that line yourself, Or did the voodoo magic help? " Did it, Mr. Blunt? I don't appreciate such thought provoking questions being asked to me when I'm listening to sugar coated faux-alt pop. What I want is stuff like "
Look who's alone now, It's not me. It's not me.” and for it
not to be ruined by “
Those three Wise Men, They've got a semi by the sea.”. Again with the thought provoking questions; Why do they have pickups!?!?!? (oh, for reference, that was the only listenable track on the album,
Wisemen).
Well, so James Blunt sucks. I've established that pretty well. But maybe the music as a whole can overcome that, right? There is no reason for Boy George to be anything but an affront to life, but by god if I can ever get
Karma Chameleon out of my head for a week after I've heard it. Unfortunately, James Blunt is neither a flaming homosexual nor catchy or moving in any way. The moments that do end up getting stuck in your head, such as the chorus from
High ("
But now I'm hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiigh") go from being memorable to anger-inducing within 5 minutes, and you'll punch your best friend more times than you'll actually press play on winamp. There's nothing going on instrumentally that even constitutes real discussion; what they do is so absolutely monotonous and bland that if I heard Daniel Powder or any number of not-worth-the-time artists over it, I would think "Oh, that must be that 'Snow' song.
Back to Bedlam is kind of a neat title. And
Wisemen is a decent song (I mean, come on, psuedo-biblical references ftw).
Did you see that? Three paragraphs expounding on why this album stinks, and two whole sentences on what was good. Granted, I didn't go in depth in any way, shape, or form for the good part, but honestly, this album doesn't
make me want to. It revels in being stereotypical and cliché, with oh-so-little room for originality outside of the rather trippy cover art. I honestly cannot find an ounce of real talent to even be able to say the standby line in these circumstances, "He has talent and hopefully he'll build on that next album." This album may not have originally made to be a major label tool for selling albums, but honestly, the only people I see enjoying this album are housewives in turbulent marriages and pre-teens who just got broken up with because summer came. If you have a strong tolerance for utter manufactured pop, you may be able to tolerate this album. If you like crap for music, well, this is just for you. What I see her is nothing but artificial balladry with the occasional attempt to be edgy; and by golly, it sure does sell records. But I can't give this above a 1.5 There were three wisemen, you see; and all they tell me "
Gotta ask yourself the question: Why are you listening to this album now?"
If You Want Horrible Lyrics: listen to "Goodbye My Lover"
If You Want An Annoying Voice: listen to "You're Beautiful"
If You Want Bland Music: listen to "Cry"
If You Want A Song That Coulda-Shoulda-Woulda Been Pretty Good: listen to "Wisemen"
