BryanStars
Picture Perfect


1.0
awful

Review

by Dalton DuBois USER (12 Reviews)
December 31st, 2017 | 19 replies


Release Date: 2016 | Tracklist

Review Summary: Oh, how the (not so) mighty have fallen

Bryanstars just can’t catch a break in both the Youtube world and his musical career, although due to his questionable life choices it’s hard to feel any sympathy for the guy; after nearly destroying the careers of nearly ten other Youtubers, scamming his own fans, and having an emo-life crisis threatening lawsuits left and right, it’s surprising that he’s still going. His inevitable follow-up to his debut had everything working against it; from his slaughtered reputation, to a lack of funds due to the EP’s IndieGoGo page only receiving 25 dollars from one backer (falling just a tad short of its $3,000 goal) to his channel’s massive decline in the size of its viewer base as a whole. So how does the infamous Bryan's newest effort fare" ‘Picture Perfect’ is a downright abomination of an EP, as it not only flat out rips off chord progressions from its contemporaries, but takes a steep decline in vocal ability, stylistic flavor, and songwriting prowess.

Bryan’s debut showcased that he had some decent vocal chops and the innate ability to write a catchy pop-punk hook when he wasn’t trying to aurally worship the ground Christopher Drew dragged his acoustic on, but all of that has gone out the window as he’s descended into gargling Never Shout Never’s signature sound so hard that even the pluckiest of his songs would blush. This EP consists of nothing but sickeningly saccharine synth beats, processed guitars with tonal inclinations so thin they couldn’t hold up a stick of gum, up-tuned fingerpicked acoustic numbers, and lyricism about getting girls to open up about their secrets along with other pseudo-creepy romance subjects. The problem here is the same as his debut but far more noticeable; none of it sounds even remotely genuine, and this time he doesn’t have the sizeable production budget or songwriting chops that helped his debut’s more tolerable moments stand out.

His vocals have taken a noticeable downturn in quality, sounding far more nasally than before and even utilizing some vocoder nonsense in songs like “Moment Like This”, while the intention was to give the song a “cute, high school sweetheart” vibe, it just comes across as the second coming of ‘Let’s Start a Riot’ era Dahvie Vanity, but without any of the upfront sexual hijinks. There are no hooks to be found here, and the production style is basically All Time Low’s ‘Dirty Work’ but without out any of the party-life poppy atmosphere or open-ended breathable charismatic mixing that helped that album stand out despite being considered by many as a guilty pleasure. The acoustic tracks are literally just Never Shout Never but with a worse vocalist, sappy production, none of the lyrical charisma, and absolutely no charm. Which is the absolute worst part of this release, not an ounce of charm or likability is presented anywhere throughout this release, it’s so sterile and processed that at times I’m wondering whether this is Skynet’s newest plan and we’re going to get an unwanted cameo in the unneeded sequel to the already unwarranted Terminator Genisys.

So, Bryan; if you happen to read this review, take a step back and look at yourself. What you’re doing isn’t working, it’s clearly not what you want, it’s not what your fans want, and it’s not what the world wants. You need to take some time off, get back to what you clearly enjoyed the most, and just be yourself. You’re not Christopher Drew, you’re not Dahvie Vanity, you’re not Alex Gaskarth, you’re BryanStars. Either that, or you could just keep putting out-of-place “la da da” vocal breaks in your declining discography and continue to wonder why your channel went from averaging 200,000 hits a video to 2,000 hits a video.



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user ratings (12)
Chart.
1
awful


Comments:Add a Comment 
BlackMalachite
December 31st 2017


3524 Comments

Album Rating: 1.0

"Picture Perfect" - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cu1PjOJ9sfY

Picture Perfect IndieGoGo - https://www.indiegogo.com/projects/the-picture-perfect-ep#/

It begins once again. He literally had to look down at the lyrics to his own songs in his live acoustic performance, if that doesn't scream "product", I don't know what does.

Digging: The Dillinger Escape Plan - Dissociation

dfevil085
December 31st 2017


1137 Comments

Album Rating: 1.0

Why does Bryan still do?

CaimanJesus
December 31st 2017


3707 Comments


Snide why

BlackMalachite
December 31st 2017


3524 Comments

Album Rating: 1.0

Cause this wasn't added to the database for some reason and didn't have a review, figured this would at least have a catchy song or two but I was so wrong.

Drubbi
January 1st 2018


266 Comments


oh shit i missed out on spending $100 an hour to hang out with bryanstars

Digging: Dwellings - Lavender Town

Dewinged
January 1st 2018


10446 Comments

Album Rating: 1.0

Tx for the objectivity booster reminder Snide

Digging: Black Fast - Spectre of Ruin

sempiturtle
January 1st 2018


1426 Comments


Why do you waste your time on this type of shit man, lol.

Ninjahague
January 2nd 2018


421 Comments


why does this exist

Ninjahague
January 2nd 2018


421 Comments


also bryanstars going all "scene" in order to appeal to emo kids he was already appealing too was the dumbest shit ive ever seen

SteakByrnes
January 2nd 2018


12133 Comments


My dude got the scene hair going in his 30s

Digging: Night Verses - From the Gallery of Sleep

BlackMalachite
January 2nd 2018


3524 Comments

Album Rating: 1.0

Bryan's career died

GetLow
May 2nd 2018


2012 Comments


"My dude got the scene hair going in his 30s"

Praying that doesn't end up being me.

SteakByrnes
May 2nd 2018


12133 Comments


Just don't attack your hair with a straightener

GetLow
May 2nd 2018


2012 Comments


You know, I've had short hair for a few years, but I never got rid of my straightener "just in case" lol.

Ninjahague
May 2nd 2018


421 Comments


did snide dead

BlackMalachite
May 2nd 2018


3524 Comments

Album Rating: 1.0

I'm still here, just been buried in my DAW when I'm not at work mostly

Darius
May 3rd 2018


15999 Comments


Which DAW do you use?

Digging: Tiny Vipers - Life on Earth

BlackMalachite
May 9th 2018


3524 Comments

Album Rating: 1.0

I use Sony ACID and Reaper.

SteakByrnes
May 9th 2018


12133 Comments


It took him 6 days to say that



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