Review Summary: Some origin stories are better left stained on the mattress
Chunk! No, Captain Chunk! has always had the benefit of a fun atmosphere and positive reputation for fan interactions and bouncy live shows, this has carried them up the chain of Pop-Punk stardom to where both of their recent albums cracked the Billboard Top 200. Not all origin stories are dazzled in shimmering lights and glamour though, as Chunk! No, Captain Chunk!’s debut EP is shoddily produced, dripping with clichés, and runs way too long for its own good.
Bertrand Poncet has always had a divisive voice, but in later years his undeniable improvement has been notable. Back here in 2007, it’s almost as if Bertrand’s nose was alive and attempted to consume the microphone right from under his face. His vocal tone is so nasally that at times it’s almost impossible to tell whether he’s singing in English or French; this might be a blessing in disguise though, as the lyrics reach cringe levels so toxic that even the abandoned city of Pripyat would be jealous.
”You teach me sex tricks, you make it hard as a brick (you love my stick).
I am the gladdest geek that have the luckiest dick (you are the best chick).
I love your nipples, in spite of wrinkles.”
His terrible tone aside, the actual notes he hits stay in one octave primarily throughout the entire EP, and any attempts to break into his higher register actually sound as shrill as two pieces of scratched glass rubbing against the edge of a chalkboard.
Perhaps the instrumentals could save this? Nope, it’s your standard Pop-Punk / Easycore hodgepodge, with generic “upbeat” chord progressions and semi-speedy drum fills, but the absolute garage-band levels of production quality mixed with the lack of any semblance of songwriting polish make every moment sound tinny and unbearably droll to the point where you have to strain your brain to even try to justify calling this “fun.” Chunk! No Captain Chunk! have cum far in their careers since these, ehem, “humble”, beginnings, and it’s relieving to see that they haven’t gone back to where they began.