Chunk! No, Captain Chunk!
Cum On


1.0
awful

Review

by Dalton DuBois USER (12 Reviews)
December 16th, 2017 | 19 replies


Release Date: 2008 | Tracklist

Review Summary: Some origin stories are better left stained on the mattress

Chunk! No, Captain Chunk! has always had the benefit of a fun atmosphere and positive reputation for fan interactions and bouncy live shows, this has carried them up the chain of Pop-Punk stardom to where both of their recent albums cracked the Billboard Top 200. Not all origin stories are dazzled in shimmering lights and glamour though, as Chunk! No, Captain Chunk!’s debut EP is shoddily produced, dripping with clichés, and runs way too long for its own good.

Bertrand Poncet has always had a divisive voice, but in later years his undeniable improvement has been notable. Back here in 2007, it’s almost as if Bertrand’s nose was alive and attempted to consume the microphone right from under his face. His vocal tone is so nasally that at times it’s almost impossible to tell whether he’s singing in English or French; this might be a blessing in disguise though, as the lyrics reach cringe levels so toxic that even the abandoned city of Pripyat would be jealous.

”You teach me sex tricks, you make it hard as a brick (you love my stick).
I am the gladdest geek that have the luckiest dick (you are the best chick).
I love your nipples, in spite of wrinkles.”


- MILF!

His terrible tone aside, the actual notes he hits stay in one octave primarily throughout the entire EP, and any attempts to break into his higher register actually sound as shrill as two pieces of scratched glass rubbing against the edge of a chalkboard.

Perhaps the instrumentals could save this? Nope, it’s your standard Pop-Punk / Easycore hodgepodge, with generic “upbeat” chord progressions and semi-speedy drum fills, but the absolute garage-band levels of production quality mixed with the lack of any semblance of songwriting polish make every moment sound tinny and unbearably droll to the point where you have to strain your brain to even try to justify calling this “fun.” Chunk! No Captain Chunk! have cum far in their careers since these, ehem, “humble”, beginnings, and it’s relieving to see that they haven’t gone back to where they began.



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user ratings (43)
1.8
poor


Comments:Add a Comment 
BlackMalachite
December 16th 2017


3711 Comments

Album Rating: 1.0

EP Stream - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PpV9xaW9DaA

Here we go again

BlackwaterPork
December 16th 2017


4390 Comments


At least you didn’t give it a 5

BlackMalachite
December 16th 2017


3711 Comments

Album Rating: 1.0

Love you too Blackwater lmao

Darius The Imposter
December 16th 2017


22753 Comments


This is probably better than most of snide's 5s to be quite honest

Good review tho

BlackMalachite
December 16th 2017


3711 Comments

Album Rating: 1.0

Thnks bb, and no fam just listen to MILF and you'll understand.

BlackwaterPork
December 16th 2017


4390 Comments


I did pos btw

BlackMalachite
December 16th 2017


3711 Comments

Album Rating: 1.0

Thanks bb, I'm surprised this didn't have a review already.

Darius The Imposter
December 16th 2017


22753 Comments


Yeah pos, and Id really rather not tbh

BlackMalachite
December 16th 2017


3711 Comments

Album Rating: 1.0

But the vocalist is totally accepting though, he's okay with your nipples, even if they are wrinkled!

Darius The Imposter
December 16th 2017


22753 Comments




BlackMalachite
December 16th 2017


3711 Comments

Album Rating: 1.0

#Nipplecore

SteakByrnes
December 16th 2017


22132 Comments


"But There Ain't No Whales, So We Tell Tall Tales and Sing a Whaling Tune"

I'm so glad bands don't make song titles like this as much as they used to

Pos, never liked this band

Sinternet
December 16th 2017


23742 Comments


these guys suck on record but are surprisingly fun live

Darius The Imposter
December 16th 2017


22753 Comments


I think most bands in this genre(s) tend to be that way.

BlackMalachite
December 16th 2017


3711 Comments

Album Rating: 1.0

Thanks man, and tbh I like the overlong song titles... if the songs attached to them are good.

JayEnder
December 17th 2017


9001 Comments


This was so necessary lmao.

Great review though dude.

Digging: Thou - Tyrant

AtomicShane
December 18th 2017


2121 Comments

Album Rating: 2.5

i love ur nipples, in spite of ray charles

BlackMalachite
December 18th 2017


3711 Comments

Album Rating: 1.0

@Jay: Thanks fam

@Atomic: Wait what

Get Low
July 3rd 2019


9026 Comments


Dat EP title



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