Review Summary: Words fail. Ratings fail.
In 1998, I was sitting in the womb wondering if I’d ever get the opportunity to experience an elated sense, one visceral and tangible enough to elevate me beyond the boxing planes of the third dimension into unspeakable lightness. I spent many years, 18 in fact, searching for my provider. I tried education. Family. Optus. Religion. It was not immediately apparent that such searching was nothing more than endless frivol because the right hand of justice would always come to those who believed in the existence of the light. I was 18 when Corey Feldman made love to my left ear canal (due to a faulty headset, my right ear canal would have to wait for another day), and rapturous joy has penetrated every fibre and moment of my feeble being ever since. Enter
Angelic 2 The Core.
Being a millennial on the search for ascent into shining glory, it should come as no surprise that my initial endeavour into Feldman’s work was nothing short of earth-shattering. The opening track “Ascension Millennium” wastes no time pushing triumphant release into the forefront. Feldman is a Greek god; his four-on-the-floor retrostep soundtrack his chariot. Endless flow and pristine autotune are simply the spoiler and fluorescent paint job on this proverbial battle vessel; Feldman’s phlegm-esque snarls and slightly off-key adlibbing brings perfect levels of imperfection to a faultless track. A guitar solo to make a Jonas Brother blush catapults “Ascension Millennium” beyond the realm of possibility, and my efforts to choke out this immense erection are both futile and unbecoming. Feldman has me in the grip of his warm, slightly discoloured hands, and I can only succumb to the wishes of the father.
50iL
And the lord said… thou shalt not lie!
It’s necessary to say “Lovin Lies” is a rather tremendous approach at electronic music as a whole. The halftime banger is coated with abstraction, as the talented songwriter showcases his futuristic vocal technique with an avant garde sound. He plays slightly off time and partially mumbles the lyrics, which calls for a deeper understanding of the music itself; why just hear something when you can LISTEN to it？! It also shines light unto Corey’s deeper, edgier, obscure persona, which is my personal favorite. Leather looks so good on him :3
And remember to be sexy!
Now, just because Corey has a dark persona doesn't mean he can't get down with his lighter side. With help of his seductive angels, the man produces another neo-electronic banger while spreading “seamless” love to every soul willing to dance! When listening to the track, it's hard to keep from it, actually. The funky beat combined with Corey's slick tone makes you go hard and shout “I'm gay and I love it!” Corey, thank you for being an accepting soul that dares to break society's standards. It is much needed in this world of chaos.
pjorn
Meanwhile back at Detective Jones' secret lair…
I'm gonna cut to the chase here: '4 Bid In Attraction' is a masterpiece of musical artistry, a landmark achievement in the genre of "music that sounds like a GameCube party game soundtrack for people who like to fuck", and a true testament to mankind's determination to persevere through all adversity. Imagine if Puscifer was good. Okay, now imagine that Shadow the Hedgehog is the frontman of Puscifer and also has a totally-not-weird obsession with Charlie's Angels.
(writer's note: Charlie's Angels is a movie starring beloved character actor Crispin Glover). Corey manages to make these stock GarageBand loops all his own, defying all expectations and creating something truly memorable and transcendent. He shows with his work -- this... masterwork -- that the music industry always plays it safe (like Sonic), collecting accolades (gold rings), and engaging in a never ending circle jerk (... I guess those loop parts of the map？) that only acts as a false sense of momentum and progress (those spring jump pad things). I'll leave it to one of the greatest voices of our generation to sum this track up.
"My name is Shadow. I'm the world's ultimate life form. There's no time for games. Farewell." - Shadow the Hedgehog
You crossed, you crossed…. You crossed the line!
The tires of my AE86 struggle to grip the slick asphalt as rain pours down from the heavens on to Mount Myogi. Keisuke Takahashi thinks he can defeat me, but he is sorely mistaken. In the distance, I can see the town below. They know nothing of what is to come. We twist and turn down the mountain, doing sweet drift moves and other rad car stuff. Oh no! I hit a patch of oil and almost lose control! I regain my composure and manage to get control of my ハチ*ク (hachi-roku) once more. A simple street vender rolls his cart across the street. I jam the e-brake and drift around him, in a very cool way. Takahashi slams right into him, exploding the vendor’s weak and pathetic body into a pink mist, covering the hood of his RX-7 in a thick layer of viscera. I look at my rear-view mirror to see Takahashi remove his sunglasses... a single tear rolls down his face as I cross the finish line. The police are waiting for Takahashi. They charge him with vehicular manslaughter and he is sentenced to 10 years in prison. Thank you Corey, thank you so much for making this album.
Joeman82
“Bad People” is a crowning achievement of human evolution. Understanding the genius of this track is quite simple in actuality. Corey Feldman is not himself on this track; he is instead a character. This is blatantly stated, via symbolism, from the opening seconds of the track being a homage to movie “Charlie’s Angels.” Feldman excellently portrays a lonely, homeless man on the street corner playing 80s hits for only the true passion of music. Feldmen’s performance is teeming with the desperation, hunger, pain, and mournfulness accurately needed to portray such a character. Moreover, the soulful, raspy vocal delivery and the pitch perfect harmonica playing escalate Feldman’s performance to perfection. Aurally, the 80s dance beat and Feldman’s voice intertwine in such a manner that will shed tears throughout the eyes of thousands of listeners. Feldman’s method acting ability on “Bad People” is one to behold and something that only years of acting and sensational talent could combine to create. “Bad People” blurs the line between character, artist, and listener.
“Duh!” an enigmatic, flawless concoction that encapsulates the ineffable talent Corey Feldman possesses. “Duh!” was inspired by an underground musical, “One Night At The Alien Rave Party Ending In a Short Bus Orgy.” The play stars a raspy, shouting black man, a valley girl, and an alien all attending to a rave party to enjoy a night of pure adrenaline, whilst they become increasingly intoxicated. Within the song “Duh!,” Corey portrays all three characters as he spontaneously changes between the three throughout the duration of “Duh!” Surprising nobody, the fearless Corey Feldman achieves this immense risk with ease. The beat matches the intense cross between genres, as there are traces of EDM, hip hop, and new wave on top of a trap influenced beat. “Duh!” is proof that Corey Feldman could effectively imposter a gangster, a drag Queen, or an extraterrestrial being if he so desired.
BallsDeep
Everybody: Opening with a few sensually strummed chords, ‘Everybody’ is immediately imbued with a sense of unbridled sexuality, even before triple-threat Corey Feldman’s trademark croon graces the ears. With the pronouncement ‘I just want to have a good day’ the track is established as nothing short of a life-affirming anthem. However, Feldman then chooses to adopt a peculiar delivery style which I feel lies somewhere between that of a Disney cartoon’s theme song and the speaking voice of your average incorrigible public transport masturbator. The former child actor’s wenches soon join the fray and lend a polyphonic quality to the chorus, quite unlike anything I’ve heard before. Eclipsing both artists whom share a similar moniker, the notorious Doc Ice proceeds to spit pure venom behind the mic - not the neurotoxic variety but rather the jubilant ‘I just got gifted reddit gold’ strain, mind you. With thought provoking sentiments such as ‘you wake up feeling crappy, why waste your time in that way？’ Feldman issues a wakeup call to all those battling severe neurochemical imbalances who insist on moping through their lives. I’d be hard-pressed to find any faults with the track. The chorus’ could’ve been a little longer and the vocals more prominent in the mix but overall this certainly has something for… EVERYBODY.
Lickety Splickety: If ‘Everybody’ was an impetuous post-breakup bender in vegas, ‘Lickety Splickety’ is the crushing trip to the sexual health clinic to be told you’ve contracted HIV from the Armenian hermaphrodite you supposedly engaged in a blood orgy with after losing a game of ‘what are the odds’. Shit gets real as Feldman opts once again for a bizarre delivery which is some queer hybrid of the cookie monster and the King of Pop himself; children being a recurrent theme in his approaches. While never achieving the career heights of Doc Ice, Westcoast emcee Kurupt lays down some potent verses which fit the track like a glove on a thalidomide baby. The track features an infectious chorus (See: song title x6), before shifting into a highly experimental bridge which I feel really helps drive the songs profound message home. The madness concludes with the former child actor revealing his inner wigger to Kurupt, in a bizarre acapella exchange which sounds decidedly closer to two geriatrics nattering on the porch of an aged care facility than a zany thc-fueled skit. A pitiful and unintentionally hilarious shitshow or an avant-garde masterwork and redemption song, you be the judge. Though I hope you feel like an insensitive prick if you chose the former.
Ovrot
We Wanted Change - Desiderius Erasmus Roterodamus, the foremost Renaissance humanist, once said "There are some people who live in a dream world, and there are some who face reality; and then there are those who turn one into the other." I can think of no other statement to adequately describe this roaring sea of Gary Newman spittle and human air-raid sirens. History has shown time and again, man will do anything in his desire for power whatever it might be. Sex, drugs, slaves, cheese, escaping the crushing monotony of this hellish facade of life! All common desires in the search for power and the search for the one truth, control. Corey wastes no time in his attempt to reach for the greatest of all. Money; the building block of civilization. The cornerstone for glorious growth and place where all empires begin. This bastard of a canceled sitcom jingle is much more than a song, a trite campfire story set a rusted out guitar. It's a telling of his feelings and journeys. His soul is put out there with every pitchy grindstone shout he belts and strained vocal progression he croons onto you. Corey's quest for change is a somber one no matter where it's at. In front of a grocery store or the corner of a gas station. The side of the highway or in front of the post office. In a local park or from your speakers. The man just wants a little change and who are you to deny his coin cup？ Corey truly is a man who can turn his dream world into a reality.
Test 1 - Mike Patton, perhaps known best for Mr. Bungle and Faith No More is a prolific and influential musical artist and multi-instrumentalist beloved around the world. His experimental style and bellowing almost haunted quality voice is uniquely his own. His wonderful work across many different albums and genres have been inspired by everything from classical to world music and musical recordings of candles blowing out. His mark of the world of music is one that will last forever and his influence will live on long after he finally assembles his sapient spacebot and becomes the living heart to power it as it explores the known universe. Unfortunately Corey is not Mike Patton and no matter how bungle-esque he makes his R&B slam poetry sessions these two pillars of modern music couldn't be farther apart. Corey's sensual moans and raspy vocal lines do their best to drown out any semblance of a decent track as you it drifts from stabby hobo feel to smooth autotuned T-Pain impressions as Corey keeps reminding us that
Time keeps passing by. Yes, yes it does Corey and somehow the the seconds here seem to last three times as long. It slows down a bit and the whispers of madman keep abusing your right ear as you wonder if you really deserve this. You could be doing so many other things right now. Calling your grandma (You haven’t spoken to her in a while), petting your dog, making a sandwich, relaxing in bed watching The Goonies like your uncle made you every weekend in your youth but no, you chose this. You made your bed, lie with it. You slink back to reality, eye bulged and circulatory system slowly failing but it’s almost over. Once the track finally cools off into the outro you're reminded you're only half done with this slog and the auditory waterboarding sets in.
Bloon
The Angelic Funkadelic side of
Angelic 2 the Core truly shows the genus of Corey Feldman. Some goddamn
fools may attempt to “criticize” the first half of this masterpiece by describing the experience as a creepy, overtly-sexual, wince-inducing mess full of out of tune singing and off-kilter, stereotypical beats. However, these people are simple-minded idiots who have absolutely no insight; Corey is obviously parodying the sad state of pop culture while implementing experimental Funk. He blends melody with grit and post-ironic satire with fun, which is something the jerks on this website have forgotten. Corey just wants to make the world a better place and he did it in an interesting, amazing, and very quirky way.
The second CD, named Angelic Rockadelic, begins with ‘Seamless’, which is a great example of this album's fun nature. This song pokes fun at the society’s love for sex, as a really cool saxophone, and features a sick metal portion from Fred Durst! I’m usually not a fan of (c)rap, but Limp Bizkit is super different, as they are a great band with great hits. Everything from the crazy riffs from out of nowhere to the fun groove of the track is done in a fantastic way. Feldman is just having fun and prodding the holy cow that is pop culture.
Blush
Wanna Break Free: Writing of ‘Wanna Break Free,’ I run the risk of misinterpreting the uninterpretable. As we further traverse the hellish pits of “Angelic Rockadelic” – leaving, in our trail, the ashes of an uneven though no less immersive emetic of immense emersion – Feldman, along with his band Truth Movement (which, admittedly, would have made for an apt title for the album itself: Movement/2ruth (representing each of the album’s distinct dicho2mies (2 Dance and 2 Rock (in equal parts (2 each)))) pulls no punches. As contemplative as it is immediate, and as ephemeral as it is affecting, ‘Wanna Break Free’ is mountainous in range. Be2een its eerie synth patterns and Corey’s monstrous whelps, it represents, for
Angelic 2 the Core, a final transition from fun 2 the manic. Feldman proves himself a vir2oso on ‘Wanna Break Free’- the riff of the second half is rivalled only by 1:17 of the Metal Brothers’ ‘Electric Chair’. Feldman isn’t just a Former Child Actor. Singer. Actor. Don’t bully him. Don’t box him in. He wants 2 break free.
Dedes
Corey Feldman is incredibly abrasive on this track, much like 40 grit sandpaper, or Trent Reznor after power-smoking 6 cartons of no-filter Camels. At the same time, he retains this sexiness, an unparalleled sauciness much like that found on a gas station pizza. Truly, it is incredible. One man simply should not be able to accomplish so much raw emotion (raw, like a raw chicken breast marinated in year-old tire grease). He wears his heart on his sleeve, just like middle age mothers who share sassy minion memes and think they’re special because they’re woman who can handle Budweiser and can watch Nascar for 3 days without sleep. I don’t understand how he does it, but he has a 5/5 from me.
Aaron
The following two tracks, 'Ya Got Me' and 'Baby Blue Eyes', contrast wonderfully, offering the listener a glimpse at his insecurities through two very different prisms. The first of these, 'Ya Got Me', takes clear inspiration from Stone Sour and Motley Crüe'; its punchy verses, full of angst and grit, lay the grounding for an irresistible chorus (fortunately repeated several times for us all). The strength and supposèd confidence which exudes from the track can easily be misconstrued as a display of narcissism; however, through the testosterone-laced fog of party rock, Feldman delivers a cutting monologue that detracts from the bombast that surrounds it. Through cleverly juxtaposing tectonic movement with fecal matter, he sufficiently elucidates the degree of trouble he's in without being too on-the-nose. By the time the track reaches its climax, one finds themselves thinking “you know what Corey？ Yes, I've got you, but you've also got me; pizza, ice-skating, even if you just wanna chat. Hit me up.”
'Baby Blue Eyes' replaces the virile surge of 'Ya Got Me' with rock's most unfairly maligned entity: the rock ballad. Channelling other followers of the righteous path such as Whitesnake and 3 Doors Down, through five heart-tingling minutes he sings about how strong his love is for others despite the 'clouds' that mar his own experience; the powerful choice of imagery alongside the unique timbre of the acoustic guitar means that Feldman is really able to cement the track's sensitive nature. The way his drawling vocals merge with the wah guitar may initially seem like a production error, but it's actually a brave artistic decision; much like he must fight against his own troubles and indeed the world, he must also fight against intrusive guitar effects. A startling metaphor.
Ian
the car's on fire and there's no driver at the wheel
and the sewers are all muddied with a thousand lonely suicides
and a dark wind blows
the government is corrupt
and we're on so many drugs
with the radio on and the curtains drawn
we're trapped in the belly of this horrible machine
and the machine is bleeding to death
the sun has fallen down
and the billboards are all leering
and the flags are all dead at the top of their poles
it went like this:
the buildings tumbled in on themselves
mothers clutching babies picked through the rubble
and pulled out their hair
the skyline was beautiful on fire
all twisted metal stretching upwards
everything washed in a thin orange haze
i said: "kiss me, you're beautiful -
these are truly the last days"
you grabbed my hand and we fell into it
like a daydream or a fever
we woke up one morning and fell a little further down -
for sure it's the valley of death
i open up my wallet
and it's full of blood
Claire
Take A Stand: “Take A Stand” is a song built on the foundations of principle. It juxtaposes cheery funk elements against news clips that describe the horrors of war; its straightforward, positive vibe, conveying indomitable hope and a rousing cry for unity, is a clear sign of triumph. “Ignorance is blissful…’cause I chose to ignore the suffering abroad doesn’t mean it’s not happening,” he sings in an earnest effort to showcase the passivity of citizens in more privileged areas. Corey understands that the world needs more optimism and awareness of important social issues, and so he chooses to instruct us through the medium of song. Effective？ Necessary？ I think he’s combatting fear-mongering by showing that, yes, there is a light at the end of the tunnel. Sure, the tunnel has long collapsed and crushed everyone in it, but I swear the light still peers through the cracks even when no one is around to see it.
Remember 222: A vein of machismo runs through the artisanally sanded voice of Corey and the bombastic supporting trumpets. It’s a touching tribute to the deceased Corey Haim, a dear friend of our own Corey. Indeed, it’s a matter of honouring the best memories - why dwell upon grief and misery when you could instead create a swaggering rock song that so wonderfully captures the spirit of living？ Corey has smartly held back on meandering progressions and unnecessary developments; he focuses his efforts on a simple repeating motif that ends with a humorously off-kilter vocal performance. The lack of variety reads to me as an intentional choice that pinpoints the particular aspects of what Corey wishes to convey, namely that he and Haim “had a ball”. In the end, this is a serious story of two men and their friendship, and God forbid you disrespect the sanctity of their bond.
Jack
First things first, the music on display on these two songs is incontrovertibly beautiful. One may compare the elegance of Corey’s performance here to aesthetic touchstones like comic sans, or a kindergartener’s art project. The start of Mercy is an album highlight, replete with (fittingly) angelic pianos and choral vocals while Corey – obviously a pious man – begs for God’s forgiveness with more grit and passion than someone like Layne Staley could ever muster. Then he shows John Lennon how to be a real people’s champion with a cover of Working Class Hero -- demonstrating that, while Lennon may have put the ‘beat’ in Beatles, Corey (a.k.a Daddy, a.k.a Messiah, a.k.a Vocalist from Slipknot) treats his angels with the utmost respect. Unlike Lennon, Corey also has the decency to omit the word ‘fuck’ from his version, although thankfully, he still retains a welcome edge by subtly objectifying every woman that has contributed to the record. But yeah, these are my two favourite songs on the album that, for all intents and purposes, saved my life.
cryptologous
I’d never emptied a box of tissues so quickly than whilst listening to Feldman’s last effort. Dislocated, disconnected, dismantled, disarmed. So many words beginning with the “dis” prefix could be used to discribe the disassembled stupor I found myself in upon
Angelic 2 The Core coming to a close, and yet I feel I’d just be doing the infinite euphoria a disservice. My foray up the side of a craggy mountain a year ago in pursuit of higher meaning forced me to humble myself and keep on pushing. My legs were wearing and my spirit was waning but I pushed on, devoted to my dream of purpose. While the climb ultimately proved to be a futile effort, Corey awaited me at the bottom. In that moment, I knew it wasn’t about the size of the mountain. It wasn’t about the money or the fame. It wasn’t about the partying or the drinking. It was about keeping it real, and about those baby blue eyes. I haven’t showered since I first listened to
Angelic 2 The Core, and until the sweet musk of Corey’s austere beauty is rotted out of my nostrils by the sweet embrace of death, unshowered I shall remain. I am rocked 2 my core. It’s about time Corey rocked you 2 the core 2.
