Onision
Onision


1.0
awful

Review

by Snide USER (30 Reviews)
April 23rd, 2017 | 361 replies


Release Date: 2012 | Tracklist

Review Summary: Go fuck yourself

I’m not even going to bother easing you into this garbage with one of my usual mild introductory summaries, this is complete and total dog-shit.

It speaks a lot to a person’s musical aptitude (or lack thereof) when the songs they meant to be serious ended up being comedic, and vice versa. Subtlety" What in the actual fuck is subtlety; Onision doesn’t seem to have a clue, as his one-tone monotonous vocal performance throughout all 14 tracks actually makes me want to drink a bleach martini without the lime. He didn’t even have the common decency to coat his vocals in auto-tune like his peers in the genre, he just lets his barely altered voice hang out there like the floppy dong he wishes he had. Nonetheless, it’s hard to even call it a vocal performance as he’s stuck in one octave with one sub-tone, like he’s straight up talking or some shit. I wish this was just melodrama, but it’s by far the worst vocal performance I’ve heard from a musician who actually takes themselves seriously (even if they don’t like to admit it.)

Lyrically, he just spews random jargon about wanting to fuck blow up dolls, how he’s a banana, and how he’s an emo kid, but then how he feels that emo kids should kill themselves. Nothing serious is serious, and the distance that any of this material has in regards to coming close to anything resembling hilarity is approximately 2.357 million light years away (that’s the distance from here to the Andromeda Galaxy, where I wish this shit was shipped off to). Here’s just a few gems because he didn’t bother, so, why should I"

“She's as smooth plastic,
Nice and petite,
I'd love to blow her full of air,
Or be her substitute seat.”


- “Blow Doll Song”

“We’re taking a crap, and we’re also going to pee!”

- “Shower Song”

Instrumentally it’s just FL Studio basic beats with what I guess qualifies as synth lines here, and some basic piano key flopping shit there. It’s basically the same song instrumentally 14 times, along with clipping, volume mixing, and multiple other issues that turn what should have been a standard pile of manure, into a mold infested shed filled with crusted white fecal matter. Also, I couldn’t be bothered to give this review a proper conclusion, because even brokeNCYDE’s early work had more variety than this. I’d say this is the downfall of society, but that’s implying society would have even been remotely involved with this abortion of an album. Oh yeah, Onision, you’re over 30 years old, quit emotionally harassing 16 year old teenagers over the internet just because they don't enjoy your videos. Cuck.



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user ratings (22)
Chart.
1
awful

Comments:Add a Comment 
Snide
April 23rd 2017


7050 Comments

Album Rating: 1.0 | Sound Off

"Happy Fun Song" - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iVaR9Ei1FEw

Hi everyone, this exists. You're welcome.

Rigma
April 23rd 2017


852 Comments


lol

Hellscythe
April 23rd 2017


3425 Comments

Album Rating: 1.0

god fuck this guy

50iL
April 23rd 2017


5015 Comments


Ooohhhhh boi

Digging: The Dillinger Escape Plan - Irony Is a Dead Scene

Jacquibim
Staff Reviewer
April 23rd 2017


3185 Comments


review is ranty and is bad and has no reason to exist, but I guess onision deserves no better so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ gg snide pos

Snide
April 23rd 2017


7050 Comments

Album Rating: 1.0 | Sound Off

I'm drunk, I described what the album sounds like. That's all this album deserved.

Onision. is. a. cuck

Hellscythe
April 23rd 2017


3425 Comments

Album Rating: 1.0

I hate that I had a crush on this human piece of garbage when I was younger

Jacquibim
Staff Reviewer
April 23rd 2017


3185 Comments


it just occurred to me that snide is basically the onision of sputnik just less of a sociopath

Snide
April 23rd 2017


7050 Comments

Album Rating: 1.0 | Sound Off

"it just occurred to me that snide is basically the onision of sputnik just less of a sociopath"

Probably the worst insult I've ever received on this website tbh, why you gotta do me like that fam.

Rigma
April 23rd 2017


852 Comments


tbqh i can see it

Jasdevi087
April 23rd 2017


5433 Comments


"it’s hard to even call it a vocal performance as he’s stuck in one octave"

I just checked that song you linked and he goes from C below middle C (C3) to high A (A5), which is in fact well over 2 octaves so now this review is OBJECTIVELY INCORRECT and should be deleted immediately by the moderating staff

Snide
April 23rd 2017


7050 Comments

Album Rating: 1.0 | Sound Off

Talking doesn't count as switching octaves tbh

hal1ax
April 23rd 2017


13292 Comments


lol

Jasdevi087
April 23rd 2017


5433 Comments


"Talking doesn't count as switching octaves tbh"

he changes frequencies so actually yeah it does

Jasdevi087
April 23rd 2017


5433 Comments


C3: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iVaR9Ei1FEw&ab_channel=Onision&t=0m35s
A5: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iVaR9Ei1FEw&ab_channel=Onision&t=0m55s

complete and utter garbage, but a total of 0% speaking involved

Aberf
April 23rd 2017


2432 Comments


who is this onion guy?

ashcrash9
April 23rd 2017


3032 Comments


edgy youtuber who appeals to like 13-year-olds I guess

wtferrothorn
April 23rd 2017


5800 Comments


A shitstain that relies on negative attention to obtain any sense of relevance. So I'm sure he'd love this review.

Jasdevi087
April 23rd 2017


5433 Comments


fuck, he'll probably do a stinkpiece on it if you're lucky Snide

Aberf
April 23rd 2017


2432 Comments


he looks like the vampire from that twilight movie.



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