Review Summary: Happiness is a Warm Bun
It’s strange how people get brought together. No one knows how the path of music history would have gone had a humble man named John Lemon never met Paul McFartney. Lemon, who at the time was already making a name for himself, as rhythm guitarist in a Korn cover band, Korn on the Kob, met McFartney, a hockey referee and failed stand-up comedian, at a tattoo parlor, where they were both getting the same tattoo; Hello Boys in cursive over their bum-holes. No one knows where music would be today had their first business of selling Teddy Bears stuffed with pubic hair, not failed. Or if McFartney never divorced his wife, a one-legged woman, who was jailed for stealing a sock off a neighbor’s clothesline.
When Revolver was first released in 1966, America was just beginning its long and torrid love affair with guns. The album’s name was devised by the clever marketing agency of Rubik and the Cubes, who at the time advertised it as McFartney reading instructions on how to assemble an AK-47 over a pleasant ambient drone. The album of course had nothing to do with guns, falling into a long line of show business’ greatest disappointments, along with Dog Day Afternoon (no dogs), Reservoir Dogs (no dogs), Dogma (no dogs or ma’s), and Ghost Dog (no dogs, no ghosts).
At the time of its release (and now), Revolver was a massive critical failure, and Lemon and McFartney were plagued by accusations of plagiarism, allegedly stealing the idea for Love You Too from the song Lovebug by industry legends, the Jonas Brothers. In addition, the US Supreme Court banned the song Yellow Submarine for promoting graphic fetishist sexual activity, later to become the downfall of fellow soft rocker, R.Kelly. John Lemon’s defense that the album was really about drugs, backfired as America thought hard and long, and decided drugs were bad.
It was a difficult time for John Lemon. Not only was Revolver panned by the public, but he had fallen into an abusive relationship with a little Chinese man, and began consorting with questionable characters like OJ Simpson, Carrot Top and Jennifer Aniston. It all came to a dramatic conclusion when a paparazzo photographed Lemon at a nightclub, grinding on Mike Tyson, in what the New York Times described as a “an affront to the wholesome romantic dance that the God-fearing hip-hop community brought to our culture.”
After graduating from rehab with a C+, Lemon was feeling a new beginning. He was wrong though, as later that day, Zach Galifanakis shot him while he was exiting WholeFoods. The nation wept, as WholeFoods, along with other gentrification staples have now ravaged this country’s big cities to the point of no return. Seriously, rent in Manhattan is like $1800 a month for a windowless ***ing studio where the shower is over the toilet, but hey, it’s got original crown moldings from the turn of the 16th century, so I guess it's okay, you obnoxious over-privileged trust-fund douchebag. Anyway…
When asked for comment about Lemon’s death, McFartney had only this to say:
“It’s funny because Revolver.”
