Review Summary: Still Better than 'Pet Sounds'
This is, in effect, a comedy album - think 10% music to 90% comedy. As such, this release calls out for a different approach to appraisal.
1. Hamsters - people shoving hamsters up their rectums is (allegedly) a thing. This is the first of a number of love songs to adorable critters on the disc that feature animal sound effects...but now we ask...is it funny?
LAUGH RATING: A smirk at the variety of hamster noises the band produce is all this elicited from me. VERDICT: Miss
2. Waiters - a song about everyone's ultimate nightmare, the waiter who spanks one off into your food.
LAUGH RATING: a few funny lines 'cum over my croutons, wipe your arse on my cheese', 'dunk your dick in my donut'; the first time you realise waiter rhymes with masturbator; 'creamed' potatoes. VERDICT: Hit (just about)
3. Vagina - about becoming obsessed with a giraffe's vagina (true story).
LAUGH RATING: 'her love is outta sight' 'she's grown out of reach' etc. VERDICT: Hit (it's like two minutes long)
4. Aunty Mabel - about a disabled trannie granny who takes it from behind.
LAUGH RATING: this is desperate imo, didn't make me laugh once. So bad it's good? No. VERDICT: Miss
5. Heinrich - about a German Shepherd dog, emphasis on the German (you can guess where this one is going).
LAUGH RATING: the first time Heinrich is said in the German accent. VERDICT: Miss
6. Sheep - you think bestiality and you think 'sheep'. The Lillies bring out the big guns for this one.
LAUGH RATING: dem backing vocals on the chorus 'she's my sheep', the musical saw, 'her woolly head, her loins....her loins of lamb' baaaa. VERDICT: Mega Hit
7. Maggots - more a typical Lillies song, not intended as an out and out comedy song. It's not very memorable unfortunately. VERDICT: Miss
8. Motor Car - again, a real thing, there are men out there who genuinely attempt to have sex with vehicles.
LAUGH RATING: 'can I cum in your car?' snarf. VERDICT: Hit
9. Piglet - about a 'piglet porno ring'. I'm not sure if this is actually a thing or not.
LAUGH RATING: the song is about a minute long and it's mainly the lyric 'piglet, piglet, piglet porno ring' repeated over and over and assorted snorting noises. VERDICT: Miss
10. Kick a Stick - it's hobby time, kicking walking sticks from under pensioners.
LAUGH RATING: Makes this pastime sound pretty darn appealing. Apparently works for artificial limbs and Zimmer frames too. The way Jacques sings 'Kick 'em, kick 'em, KICK 'EM, KICK 'EM!' is beautiful. VERDICT: Hit
11. Cowboy - maybe I'm slow here but I never thought cowboys could take advantage of baby calves. I think cow and I think a big cow.
LAUGH RATING: 'a baby calf will suck away the heat' classic, the backing vocals again, the lasso noise. VERDICT: Mega Hit
12. Flies - an unlikely epic concerning the one man in the world who wishes he could reduce the size of his manhood by 10,000%. Sex with flies, I mean I just...wtf
LAUGH RATING: 'I smell of sh't', 'a giant fly will take my heart...I won't be too big'. Christ. 'Sex with flies, why can't I?' is legit one of their best choruses, the 'bzzz bzzz, bzzz bzzz, bzzz bzzz' melody sounds way better than it has any right too. VERDICT: Mega Hit
13. The End - little acoustic throwaway that makes sense as a finale. VERDICT: (a small) Hit
So there we have it, 8 out of 13 are 'hits', but really 'Sheep', 'Flies' and 'Cowboy' are probably all anyone needs from this (if anyone strictly 'needs' more songs about bestiality in their life). Look, I love animals as much as the next man, but as a complete listen this rates as far from essential.
