Review Summary: The Unpaid Female Intern
The fates of the british pop/ hip hop outfit N-Dubz was never going to be overly pretty. On paper, the trio was everything the upper levels of society (read: those in control) didn’t want to become popular. They had the London-bred post-2000s chav swagger (and an attitude to match), meaning they had an instant appeal to a wide demographic of UK youths. They were fairly innocuous in content, which meant they could be marketed on a wider scale than the average ‘urban’ act, and, on top of this, they were government-approved. Seriously. The UK minister for education chose the group to promote a new anti-bullying campaign in Britain- a calculated move that backfired spectacularly when Dappy (the member of the group who has no idea how to wear a hat correctly) bullied a lady who dared to criticize the band on a live radio show. This episode, coupled with a number of drug/ assault scandals devolved the group into a stardom limbo from which all three decided it best to pursue individual careers. Tulisa, undoubtedly the most successful member to come out of the group, has also faced the most backlash. A stint as judge on the UK X-Factor, a few moderately successful hit songs and slots at various festivals were drops of piss compared to the downpour of controversy created by an unfortunately leaked intimate video, a well-publicized drug-dealing scandal (that later turned out to be untrue), and an ill-advised plastic surgery venture. The only tangible fact to come of Tulisa’s 15 minutes was perhaps that music was the thing she was least famous for.
Clearly attempting to retain the edgy ‘urban’ vibe but combine it with plenty of EDM stylistics,
The Female Boss is an utter mess in every respect. From the instant the introductory track begins, with its boring piano melody and listless recitation of a ridiculously cliché monologue, alarm bells start ringing. Tulisa’s London accent drawls and sounds rather exaggerated, which is fair enough, as she is attempting to create this image of a seedy underbelly- on this track, at least. Notions of overcoming adversity are admirable, of course, but they surely should not be presented in such a boring way. The true inspiration in such stories comes from the individual detail- how the person overcame adversity, what they did to rise up and take the reins etc. So general and unengaging is the theme here that the listener switches off almost immediately. As if to compound this point, second track ‘Young’ is a brainless EDM mishmash that offers nothing but a tedious rhythm and weak lyricism. There is absolutely no subtlety- a more appropriate title would be ‘I’m Not Responsible For My Actions Because I’m A Young Adult’. Following track ‘Live It Up’ is yet more party vibes, albeit at a slightly mellower pace, and with an ill-advised appearance by Tyga. When this soaring dance tunes are placed alongside the attempted grit of the introduction and other more urban-influenced tracks such as ‘British Swag’ and ‘Damn’, the clash and inconsistency is immediately obvious.
The lack of depth throughout
The Female Boss is perhaps the most troubling thing, as the genuinely bottom-up life of the young songstress must have been quite a journey. Yet all attempts at emotion and delving even slightly below the surface fall completely flat. Tracks ‘Steal My Breath Away’ and ‘Sight Of You’ are truly earnest in their attempts to create more than a tough girl façade, but Tulisa clearly does not possess the ability to express herself in a way that can be recognized as heartfelt. This is not the fault of the London/ street image either, as UK rappers such as The Streets and Plan B have managed to effortlessly transmit emotion through their rhymes, without having to rely on dexterous wordplay or complicated instrumentals- emotion is created through sincerity, not superficiality. This is something Tulisa would do well to heed. Largely, the rest of the album’s lyrical themes cover obvious well-worn ‘hopes and dreams’ tropes, with the occasional whinge about sour past relationships. Some of these occasionally rise beyond lamentable to charming in their simplicity, but the vast majority of the album treads water whatever genre it is attempting to emulate, be it grime, hip-hop, pop, or dance. Nowhere does it excel or surprise, it simply is- poorly placed synths and awkward syncopated beats et al.
It is rather difficult to single out just one trait that could be attributed to the utter failure of
The Female Boss, both critically and commercially. Yes, it is horrendously unfocused. Yes, it is utterly unoriginal. Yes, it is ridiculous underwritten and awkward. Yes, it has absolutely no reason for existing in the first place. Really though, the issue comes from the lady at the helm. Anyone who has observed Tulisa attempting to judge others on their singing ability or give passive-aggressive interviews in the media can attest to her character being all at once volatile, colourful and occasionally rather intriguing. It is immediately obvious that she was afforded a great deal of creative control over the direction of the good ship
Female Boss; a vessel she attempted to navigate in her own way but ended up somehow exploding. And then sinking. The result of her blinkered approach to music, and possibly her young age and inexperience, has resulted in an album that could use a severe production overhaul, a drastic re-theming, and an overall rewrite. On one level, it is not particularly surprising, as she has never really proved herself musically in the past, so no critic was expecting fireworks from this first album effort- but the obnoxious nonsense that eventually emerged as her debut full-length is so beyond the recesses of what could be considered ‘good’ it actually pains me a little to press ‘submit review’ and be known as the user who subjected himself to it. Bottom line: as embarrassing as that video leak must have been, it still isn’t as embarrassing as this.
