Corey Feldman
Angelic 2 The Core


1.0
awful

Review

by MercuryToHell CONTRIBUTOR (42 Reviews)
September 28th, 2016 | 362 replies


Release Date: 2016 | Tracklist

Review Summary: Kinda like witnessing a car crash from afar only to find out you're actually the victim.

It may seem like an odd starting point, but I fall squarely into the category of people who utterly DESPISED Lulu. I can’t pretend to have any unique criticism of the record - indeed on Sputnik many reviewers have written far more succinctly about it than I ever could. Ultimately, my main gripe is that it took genuine work to listen to. To get from beginning to end was an actual ordeal, and each song was far too long to tolerate the repetition of demo-level riffs and shockingly poor vocal execution. It does look like the revulsion towards the record has waned in recent times, and whilst I don’t hold the view myself, there is a genuine case for it being under-appreciated as a performance piece and naturally anyone who approaches it expecting a Metallica record or a Lou Reed record could be holding it to the wrong standard. Hmm, still, yuck.

Angelic 2 The Core makes an interesting comparison piece. Again, a double album which has been not so much anticipated as cautiously approached – Feldman’s recent appearance on The Today Show has garnered a lot of interest, and yet the most significant praise for it is ‘well at least he’s giving it his all’ (which if you ask me isn’t worth a great deal - people with less status than Feldman can put their heart and soul into writing on the walls of public conveniences with their own *** and no-one would impart the same feedback, but I digress). This ‘110%’ ethic is backed up by the insane Kickstarter and promo websites created for this record – full of breath-taking lashings of praise and delusions of grandeur. His own press release on the Kickstarter looks like if a 5th-grade essay were submitted via a text message.

And again, this is a very, very tough album to stomach, not just for the length of the record outright, but for the absolutely baffling execution of the ideas on show. In Feldman’s own words: ‘I feel it’s a rare album and there is truly something for everyone as the album covers all fields of the music spectrum: part Pop, part Rock, part EDM, part Hip Hop, and all soul’. He does have a point here, it does flit between genres with reckless abandon, but not quite with the finesse he clearly envisages for the project. It is a catastrophic mess. Feldman claims that he has spent the last 10 years writing these songs (so no half-baked last-minute cuts to fall back on as an excuse) and then with the help of his all-star cast (Fred Durst, Snoop Dogg, and his very own Corey’s Angels – more than just backing vocalists, the brand ‘helps beautiful young women realise their dreams’, you understand - among many more), he played all of the instruments at his home studio and self-released the entire project. This in itself is kind of admirable, but he simply does not possess the ability on any composite element to make any of it appealing. The instruments are poorly played, both off-key and out of time, the production is utterly messy, and the vocals…

Feldman’s vocals are a completely tortured blend of attempting to sound demonic, sexy, unhinged and gritty all at the same time – unfortunately at his most aggressive, this sounds like Michael Jackson and Wayne Static competitively coughing up meatballs. Conversely, when he tones it down a bit and reveals his crippling sensitivity, it can only be described as a sound-a-like of a 12-year-old Wes Scantlin auditioning for Pop Idol while choking back recently-deceased-cat tears. Coupled with the fact that he quite simply cannot hold anything resembling a tune, the vocals are impossible to defend. Furthermore, his insistence on putting pathetically-scripted, messily performed skits between nearly every other song makes his presence consistently unpleasant.

There’s an inherent tragedy in Feldman’s blindingly apparent belief in his own ability and performance skills. It isn’t that he’s simply never been told that his work is bad (quoting his priceless press release yet again – ‘I was never told "The music stinks" or "I just don't hear it", as typical turn downs from major labels go. No! Instead I got lots of weird excuses like "The songs are catchy, but do U have 2 sing them"" or "Not bad 4 an actor, but we don't feel U will have the time 2 dedicate 2 a music career" - so there you have it, this magnum opus has never been rejected for the obvious and many flaws, but you can’t like, have two careers, man). These performances sound like 22 joke songs that haven’t bothered to think of a punchline. Unfazed, and clearly not restrained by his guest producers, Feldman has worked tirelessly to release Angelic 2 The Core off his own back, and one cannot in any way fault him for this. What can be faulted though, is the most inexcusable, poorly-performed, ill-conceived, sloppily-packaged, anti-structured mistake I have ever had the misfortune of listening to.

Ten years in the making. I’m sorry Corey, but you’ve lost your damn mind.

P.S: I have left zero recommendations for similar records as there are no bands that I hate enough to irreversibly tie to this.
P.P.S: A zero score should be available.



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user ratings (248)
Chart.
1.3
very poor
other reviews of this album
ramon. CONTRIBUTOR (3.5)
Words fail. Ratings fail....



Comments:Add a Comment 
MercuryToHell
Contributing Reviewer
September 28th 2016


1330 Comments

Album Rating: 1.0

I know, I know, Fantano did it better.

smaugman
September 28th 2016


4787 Comments


what an album cover

AsleepInTheBack
September 28th 2016


5871 Comments

Album Rating: 1.0 | Sound Off

Fantano's video on this was amazing. I had a review for this in the works, glad I didn't have to finish it in all honesty as that would have required me to listen to the record some more. Also, why the hell is this record 94 minutes long?

MercuryToHell
Contributing Reviewer
September 28th 2016


1330 Comments

Album Rating: 1.0

And to think I didn't even give myself the chance to talk about that FUCKING cover.

MercuryToHell
Contributing Reviewer
September 28th 2016


1330 Comments

Album Rating: 1.0

I had a review for this in the works, glad I didn't have to finish it in all honesty as that would have required me to listen to the record some more.



3 times for me. 4 and a half pissing hours of my life I will never get back.

DinosaurJones
September 28th 2016


9951 Comments

Album Rating: 1.5

I'm still curious to hear this. I don't think I'll like it. But I think I need to hear it.

Sinternet
September 28th 2016


17496 Comments


le meme album xd

Digging: Pool Kids - Music to Practice Safe Sex To

AsleepInTheBack
September 28th 2016


5871 Comments

Album Rating: 1.0 | Sound Off

Also, for a guy who has built his career on acting, the acting sections of the record are truly horrendous. And the weird batman transition sound is so tasking. Urrghh this album.

AsleepInTheBack
September 28th 2016


5871 Comments

Album Rating: 1.0 | Sound Off

Also, pos'd because you sat through this more times than me and I nearly killed myself after a measly 2 listens. And its a solid review

MercuryToHell
Contributing Reviewer
September 28th 2016


1330 Comments

Album Rating: 1.0

To be honest, sitting through Fantano's 50 minutes twice to ensure I didn't inadvertently rip anything off was an absolute joy and has actually made up for some of the initial listening experience.

AsleepInTheBack
September 28th 2016


5871 Comments

Album Rating: 1.0 | Sound Off

Fantano's thing was glorious to behold

furyroad97
September 28th 2016


514 Comments

Album Rating: 1.0 | Sound Off

You and Fantano said it a shitload better than I ever could. Pos

Digging: Architects - Holy Hell

MercuryToHell
Contributing Reviewer
September 28th 2016


1330 Comments

Album Rating: 1.0

Very kind of you, thankyou, I apologise for you having to endure this record!

helti
September 28th 2016


2 Comments

Album Rating: 1.0 | Sound Off

Great review, actually I think you encapsulated the entire Corey Feldman experience.

Snake.
September 28th 2016


21055 Comments


is that the guy from slipknot

Digging: Cult Leader - A Patient Man

Typhoon24
September 28th 2016


1927 Comments


"There’s an inherent tragedy in Feldman’s blindingly apparent belief in his own ability..."

that one made me lol. it was like that music review scene from spinal tap

Pajolero
September 28th 2016


1028 Comments


"Michael Jackson and Wayne Static competitively coughing up meatballs."
Lost it at this line here.

Digging: Robyn - Honey

Crymsonblaze
September 28th 2016


8232 Comments


I'm watching that Fantano vid in lieu of actually listening to the album because goddamn, this is one of the worst things i've ever heard.

wwf
September 28th 2016


6164 Comments


fantano's review was hardly even a review

it was just chaos

Digging: GRLwood - Daddy

Divaman
September 28th 2016


3048 Comments


Nice review, Mercury. You're a braver man than I am.

Digging: Hawkwind - Road to Utopia



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