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Review Summary: "Come one, come all, to the carnival!" Have you ever been to Ringling Bros. and Barnum & Bailey Circus? I have, and it was exhausting. Fires, tigers and acrobats repeated variations on a singular theme for hours on end, punctuated only by brief intermissions of empty calories. Sure, it was exhilarating for a while – the gaping-mouthed attendees staring in bewilderment, captured in time by the company’s public relations photographers, stand as testament. But there’s only so much excitement, so much drama, my seven-year-old-self could handle. If there’s one thing The Astonishing does right, it’s emulating that vivid experience. Essentially, the album plays out like a Broadway rendition of Star Wars, except our hero uses a guitar instead of a lightsaber. Here, Dream Theater goes big – bigger than Tommy and Quadrophenia combined. It’s epic in every sense of the word. Vocals soar higher than the bravest tight-rope walkers, and the strings rise and fall like lions through flaming hoops. It does this for only two hours and ten minutes, making the experience slightly less tedious than the carnival. By the time the twelfth ballad comes around it’s difficult to remember if it’s better than seventh one. Of course, the third one does have some neat guitar licks. Regardless, the album’s six-or-so riffs are kind of cool, but riffs have been heard before. There is a bass guitar in some songs. As Dream Theater reaches the final circuit of its grand performance, it’s likely you’ll have to hit pause and take a restroom break. Pausing doesn’t work at carnivals, though.
| other reviews of this album |
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Album Rating: 1.5 | Sound Off
This was a chore to get through and irritating besides.
| | | Album Rating: 2.0
lol pos
| | | Album Rating: 1.0
Haven't listened yet, but rating's probably spot on.
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would've been a great review if you tried harder homie.
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wait this shit is 150 minutes long?
edit: oh, 130, my bad, that's reasonable
i like your idea in this review, but it really doesn't feel fleshed out
| | | Album Rating: 2.3
lol pos [2]
| | | Album Rating: 2.0
This is by far their weakest output, especially the first CD is cheesy beyond imagination...
and the review is very funny and well written, pos hard!
| | | Album Rating: 1.5
Album sleeve looks cheesy - 'attack of the robot ba ba ba ba babybels'
| | | Album Rating: 2.3 | Sound Off
Looks like the CDIs from Saints Row 4... awesome game.
| | | Album Rating: 1.5 | Sound Off
It reminds me of the adorable robot in Portal 2, Wheatley.
| | | Album Rating: 3.5
I'm liking and pos'ing this rev just because of why you had to make it :P
| | | Album Rating: 1.0
'There was a bass guitar in some songs. As Dream Theater reaches the final circuit of its grand performance, it’s likely you’ll have to hit pause and take a restroom break. Pausing doesn’t work at carnivals, though.'
pos
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Not even gonna give this a shot just based on how uninteresting the last two albums were. They sorely need Portnoy back.
| | | Album Rating: 3.5
"Not even gonna give this a shot just based on how uninteresting the last two albums were. They sorely need Portnoy back."
And that's where you're wrong, this one is totally different.
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Probably not in a good way. But, hey, I'm glad they decided to stop making Octavarium B-sides.
| | | Album Rating: 1.5 | Sound Off
That would have been preferable.
| | | Album Rating: 2.3 | Sound Off
It's worse. Even Geoff Tate would be embarrassed.
| | | Album Rating: 1.5 | Sound Off
Pretty much.
| | | Album Rating: 3.5
Three Days is alright.
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surprised at the number of negs honestly
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