Dream Theater
The Astonishing


1.5
very poor

Review

by Underflow USER (24 Reviews)
January 29th, 2016 | 48 replies


Release Date: 2016 | Tracklist

Review Summary: "Come one, come all, to the carnival!"

Have you ever been to Ringling Bros. and Barnum & Bailey Circus" I have, and it was exhausting. Fires, tigers and acrobats repeated variations on a singular theme for hours on end, punctuated only by brief intermissions of empty calories. Sure, it was exhilarating for a while – the gaping-mouthed attendees staring in bewilderment, captured in time by the company’s public relations photographers, stand as testament. But there’s only so much excitement, so much drama, my seven-year-old-self could handle. If there’s one thing The Astonishing does right, it’s emulating that vivid experience. Essentially, the album plays out like a Broadway rendition of Star Wars, except our hero uses a guitar instead of a lightsaber. Here, Dream Theater goes big – bigger than Tommy and Quadrophenia combined. It’s epic in every sense of the word. Vocals soar higher than the bravest tight-rope walkers, and the strings rise and fall like lions through flaming hoops. It does this for only two hours and ten minutes, making the experience slightly less tedious than the carnival. By the time the twelfth ballad comes around it’s difficult to remember if it’s better than seventh one. Of course, the third one does have some neat guitar licks. Regardless, the album’s six-or-so riffs are kind of cool, but riffs have been heard before. There is a bass guitar in some songs. As Dream Theater reaches the final circuit of its grand performance, it’s likely you’ll have to hit pause and take a restroom break. Pausing doesn’t work at carnivals, though.



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user ratings (500)
Chart.
2.7
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other reviews of this album
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Comments:Add a Comment 
Underflow
January 29th 2016


3833 Comments

Album Rating: 1.5 | Sound Off

This was a chore to get through and irritating besides.

KILL
January 29th 2016


80922 Comments

Album Rating: 2.0

lol pos

Digging: Morbid Angel - Kingdoms Disdained

jtswope
January 29th 2016


5684 Comments

Album Rating: 1.0

Haven't listened yet, but rating's probably spot on.

Calc
Contributing Reviewer
January 29th 2016


15834 Comments


would've been a great review if you tried harder homie.

Essence
January 29th 2016


5910 Comments


wait this shit is 150 minutes long?

edit: oh, 130, my bad, that's reasonable

i like your idea in this review, but it really doesn't feel fleshed out

TalonsOfFire
Staff Reviewer
January 29th 2016


16936 Comments

Album Rating: 2.0

lol pos [2]

Digging: Tom Rogerson with Brian Eno - Finding Shore

RustCohle
January 29th 2016


194 Comments

Album Rating: 2.0

This is by far their weakest output, especially the first CD is cheesy beyond imagination...



and the review is very funny and well written, pos hard!

Digging: A Night in Texas - Global Slaughter

DoofusWainwright
Contributing Reviewer
January 29th 2016


17076 Comments

Album Rating: 1.5

Album sleeve looks cheesy - 'attack of the robot ba ba ba ba babybels'

Willie
Moderator
January 29th 2016


17312 Comments

Album Rating: 2.3 | Sound Off

Looks like the CDIs from Saints Row 4... awesome game.

Underflow
January 29th 2016


3833 Comments

Album Rating: 1.5 | Sound Off

It reminds me of the adorable robot in Portal 2, Wheatley.

Rastapunk
January 29th 2016


1278 Comments

Album Rating: 3.5

I'm liking and pos'ing this rev just because of why you had to make it :P

TheCrocodile
January 29th 2016


2926 Comments

Album Rating: 1.0

'There was a bass guitar in some songs. As Dream Theater reaches the final circuit of its grand performance, it’s likely you’ll have to hit pause and take a restroom break. Pausing doesn’t work at carnivals, though.'



pos

AngelofDeath
Emeritus
January 29th 2016


16209 Comments


Not even gonna give this a shot just based on how uninteresting the last two albums were. They sorely need Portnoy back.

Rastapunk
January 29th 2016


1278 Comments

Album Rating: 3.5

"Not even gonna give this a shot just based on how uninteresting the last two albums were. They sorely need Portnoy back."



And that's where you're wrong, this one is totally different.

AngelofDeath
Emeritus
January 29th 2016


16209 Comments


Probably not in a good way. But, hey, I'm glad they decided to stop making Octavarium B-sides.

Underflow
January 29th 2016


3833 Comments

Album Rating: 1.5 | Sound Off

That would have been preferable.

Willie
Moderator
January 29th 2016


17312 Comments

Album Rating: 2.3 | Sound Off

It's worse. Even Geoff Tate would be embarrassed.

Underflow
January 29th 2016


3833 Comments

Album Rating: 1.5 | Sound Off

Pretty much.

jayz0ned
January 29th 2016


168 Comments

Album Rating: 3.5

Three Days is alright.

Essence
January 29th 2016


5910 Comments


surprised at the number of negs honestly





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