Coldplay
A Head Full of Dreams


1.0
awful

Review

by Killerhit USER (52 Reviews)
January 3rd, 2016 | 21 replies


Release Date: 2015 | Tracklist

Review Summary: a depression, a meanness

There’s a good lesson to be learned in Coldplay’s latest LP, A Head Full of Dreams - good intentions can only take you so far. The alt-rock minds of Coldplay wanted to treat Dreams as sort of a successor to its predecessor, aiming to make Dreams a far more vivacious, upbeat project than the depressing, invisibly mediocre Ghost Stories. To that end, an awesome hit single was needed, and Coldplay thought that their disco-influenced “Adventure of a Lifetime” was up for the job, complete with a music video featuring the members of Coldplay as monkeys who swing around on vines, play guitars, dance in synchronization, and throw their sh*t at the unsuspecting, likely bewildered innocents. The music video ends with the phrase: “Dedicated to the people of Paris, where this film was brought to life.” Lovely sentiment, considering the attacks, but in regards to the video, “brought to life” doesn’t seem very apt. “Shat out in a haze of drugs” would be a more fitting way to sum up how the video was made.

Breakdancing monkeys. It’s around this point Dreams starts to show its flaws – because “Adventure Of A Lifetime” isn’t half-bad, even if it’s torturously prolonged, clocking in at under five minutes when two or three could have sufficed. And its follow-up track, “Fun” (feat. Tove Lo) is pretty good as well, featuring a nice duet between Jesus Christ Martin and Tove Lo. However, the chub in your pants will go away very quickly, because the rest of the album is trash. Nobody (should have) expected “Violet Hill” or “Princess of China” from a chintzy, uncoordinated project like this (the bar for Dreams was not very high: all it had to do, really, was not be as morbid as Ghost Stories), but the songs are quite bad, even so. The Youngblood Hawke-esque “Birds” is f*ck-all boring, four minutes of pure nothing carried forward without any distinct instrumental or vocal melodies; in essence, it’s noise. “Everglow” features some monstrously bad songwriting, and it serves only one real purpose, which is to show that Dreams’ idea of a showstopping ballad is going to be a bit littler than the Coldplay albums preceding it. “Up and Up” is the album’s nadir, musically or otherwise, full of unfocused, bored-sounding warbling via Chris Martin, along with a mediocre guitar solo, lackluster soifnsopvxcj xjvopizn vzxcusdbvgzsdfvgzbvzfxcb xfmzcvno’[‘[pcvnmgtnv x

I’m sorry, I fell asleep on my desk. “X Marks the Spot” (a so-called hidden track) sucks – try to imagine singing a phrase like “My heart, go boom-ba-boom-boom” and you’ll see why it doesn’t work. It is interesting solely for its weird, experimental soundscape – there’s no guitar at all, and the track feels like a huge wall of synthesizers and processed sounds. It almost sounds cool, but it isn’t. “X Marks the Spot” is attached to the similarly-boring “Army of One”, which is followed by the dreadfully boring “Amazing Day”, and then bam, this masterpiece is over, clocking in at a little over forty-five minutes. Jesus take the wheel, wasn’t that fun?

I have to give Dreams credit where credit is due – it’s a great cure for insomnia, and it’ll do the trick when eating until you pass out doesn’t work. Dreams is definitely free of all the teenage angst and cock-stroking that Martin was going through in Ghost Stories, but that doesn’t mean it’s good. It’s well-produced, and slick-sounding, and it has Beyonce for like twenty seconds, but almost none of it sounds good. Gone are the days of successful experimentation and ambition from Viva la Vida and, to a lesser extent, Mylo Xyloto. Instead, Coldplay falls back on doing what Coldplay does best – suck. I cringed so much listening to this album on Spotify, and it made me realize that Coldplay’s moment in the sun is over, and it’s been over for a long time. They had their chance to shine, and they crafted some pretty great songs in the process, but now they’re settling for the easy, lazy route, and it is not good; almost every single song sucks. The whole damn project is dreadful. If this is truly the last Coldplay album (I probably should have mentioned that earlier, but I didn’t, because who cares), then damn, what a terrible note to go out on.

Breakdancing f*cking monkeys.



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user ratings (546)
2
poor
other reviews of this album
MercuryToHell CONTRIBUTOR (3)
When you paint with every colour, expect some clashes....

TheExpandingFlan (2.5)
I'll just blame this album on a Rush of Blood to Coldplay's head. Goodbye Coldplay, and thanks for t...

RadicalEd (1.5)
The end of the slope....

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Comments:Add a Comment 
Killerhit
January 3rd 2016


6016 Comments

Album Rating: 1.0

it's an endurance test



you see how much of chris' puking you can stand



5/5

Rowan5215
Staff Reviewer
January 3rd 2016


43265 Comments

Album Rating: 1.5

"Breakdancing f*cking monkeys."



pos

Digging: Denzel Curry and Kenny Beats - Unlocked

Killerhit
January 3rd 2016


6016 Comments

Album Rating: 1.0

worst album ever

Rowan5215
Staff Reviewer
January 3rd 2016


43265 Comments

Album Rating: 1.5

nah that's Chuckles and Mr Squeezy

Killerhit
January 3rd 2016


6016 Comments

Album Rating: 1.0

worst album ever [2]

SgtAenema
January 3rd 2016


484 Comments


this album is BULLSHIT

Irving
Staff Reviewer
January 3rd 2016


7502 Comments

Album Rating: 2.0

"“Up and Up” is the album’s nadir, musically or otherwise, full of unfocused, bored-sounding warbling via Chris Martin, along with a mediocre guitar solo, lackluster soifnsopvxcj xjvopizn vzxcusdbvgzsdfvgzbvzfxcb xfmzcvno’[‘[pcvnmgtnv x



I’m sorry, I fell asleep on my desk."



lol

Killerhit
January 3rd 2016


6016 Comments

Album Rating: 1.0

Tru story



The album art is ugly af

SharkTooth
January 3rd 2016


14139 Comments


I pretty much hard all Coldplay X&Y onward, so no way I'm checking this out

claygurnz
January 3rd 2016


5445 Comments

Album Rating: 2.5

Only Coldplay I can tolerate is Rush of Blood to the Head.

theNateman
January 3rd 2016


3805 Comments

Album Rating: 2.5

Basically only Coldplay worth listening to is everything up to viva la visa. The rest are shite

Digging: Hayley Williams - Petals For Armor I

Killerhit
January 4th 2016


6016 Comments

Album Rating: 1.0

Nah even almost everything before Viva la Vida was trash

mvdu
January 4th 2016


815 Comments

Album Rating: 3.5

Well it is their worst album, but since you generally dislike Coldplay and I generally like them, our ratings will differ. It lags at the end, but at least the first 2/3 is pretty fun.

Paulo255
January 4th 2016


1 Comments


Coldplay schedule 2016 http://rocktotick.com/coldplay-schedule-and-tix/

Archelirion
January 4th 2016


5934 Comments


"Breakdancing f*cking monkeys."

pos [2]

Fantastic review dude. This has more or less sealed that I will never listen to this.


William21
January 4th 2016


514 Comments

Album Rating: 2.0

I don't think it's as bad as everyone's made it out to be. But it's not very good either.

JonEthan
January 4th 2016


245 Comments

Album Rating: 2.0

Monkeyz are highlight of album

Killerhit
January 5th 2016


6016 Comments

Album Rating: 1.0

"I don't think it's as bad"



Stop right there



"Monkeyz are highlight of album"

That context doesn't make anybody very happy tho

JonEthan
January 6th 2016


245 Comments

Album Rating: 2.0

Lol just kidding the monkeys are stupid but I actually don't hate this

RadicalEd
March 17th 2016


9546 Comments

Album Rating: 1.5 | Sound Off

"“Up and Up” is the album’s nadir, musically or otherwise, full of unfocused, bored-sounding warbling via Chris Martin, along with a mediocre guitar solo, lackluster soifnsopvxcj xjvopizn vzxcusdbvgzsdfvgzbvzfxcb xfmzcvno’[‘[pcvnmgtnv x



I’m sorry, I fell asleep on my desk."



Savage.



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