Review Summary: Speedin' Bullshit to Our Ears
Earlier this year, Kendrick Lamar set an example of an album you should make. Now, in the same year, Kid Cudi has set an example of an album you should never make.
This album was so bad that it managed to get Kid Cudi to cancel his tour. He uses "personal issues" and "production issues" as his excuse, but this is clearly the real reason why he canceled it (if it isn't, I sincerely apologize). I have no idea what Cudi was taking during the recording of this album. I always ask myself this question when I finish listening to a bad album: "Why did they think this was good?". Seriously though, this album wasn't released as a joke. It was all serious. Apparently, Cudi thought it was good, because if he didn't, it wouldn't be a serious release, would it?
Cudi managed to release this double-album under Republic Records (as well as his own Wicked Awesome imprint) at a price of $15. The A-side is a painful sixty-three-and-a-half minutes long, while the B-side, full of ***ty demos, is pretty much.... worthless, if you'd like to call it that, at a length of roughly twenty-eight minutes. The fact that he managed to churn out just over ninety minutes of this *** is just incredible and also hilarious. I don't get it. He began work on the third entry in his acclaimed Man on the Moon series in 2011, after the release of his second studio album Man on the Moon II. Instead of releasing that, he released a different project alongside Dot da Genius, as WZRD, in 2012. After that, he released his third solo studio album, Indicud, in 2013. Then he released Satellite Flight, his fourth solo studio album, in 2014. All of those albums released after Man on the Moon II were negatively received by critics, fans, and RYM users. And now, he is continuing the stalling of Man on the Moon III by releasing this album, Speedin' Bullet 2 Heaven. This has received the worst reception out all of the albums that I've listed, and it's not surprising. It's terrible.
Now, the music. The vocals are just awful. I don't know if these vocals are worse than, let's say, 5 Seconds of Summer's vocals, or even a random metalcore band's vocals. Usually, it's Cudi mumbling unintelligibly about random *** or him attempting to sing. It's actually quite hilarious at times, especially when he hits notes that make him sound like Kele Okereke of Bloc Party. The guitar instrumentals switch between bland, cliché, basic, and repetitive alt-rock/grunge/punk rock electrics and acoustic chords. It's a mixed bag, really. Almost all of the songs on the album sound the same, as well. The lyrics often just don't make sense. Two examples come from the song "Adventures": "Her vagina is moist and warm" and "No more chicken sandwiches / Yes, I'll pay for the damages". Two songs on the album that I like a bit are "Adventures" and the title-track "Speedin' Bullet 2 Heaven". Aside from those two, the rest of the album is absolute *** (although there are a few moments that can be considered half-decent). It is garbage. DO NOT buy this album. Stream it through Spotify or YouTube if you have to. Just DO NOT, I repeat, DO NOT buy this album. Please, just don't.
Kid Cudi, please.... please just finish Man on the Moon III and release it. Please. No more of this waiting game. No more stalling. Just please release it.
