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Celtic Frost
Emperor's Return


4.5
superb

Review

by sonictheplumber USER (92 Reviews)
October 4th, 2015 | 39 replies


Release Date: 1985 | Tracklist


It is difficult to put into words the feelings that Celtic Frost's Emperor's Return inflicts on its poor, unsuspecting listeners. I remember the first time I heard it - I *** my pants. I could not believe the evil that was being shoved up my ass. I was bleeding profusely. Few works of music have moved me to tears. Beethoven...The Beatles...and Celtic Frost. "Dethroned Emperor" made me sob over its majestic beauty. My corpse paint looked all ***ed up after that, I didn't even bother fixing it. I was only 10 years old but I knew I would never ever amount to what Tom Warrior has accomplished. Men like Tom Warrior make you want to live in your basement forever. You're not worthy so why bother? None of us are worthy. Listen to "Circle of the Tyrants" if you don't believe me.

Or so I thought. For years I misunderstood Celtic Frost's message. Finally getting the chance to talk to Tom Warrior when my band Abhor opened for Triptykon at DemonFest in Dalton, I told him the incredible effect his work had had on me when I was a young boy and my father would play me Celtic Frost tapes to get me to sleep. I told him how even today the sound of the Frost reminds me of innocence...but also of the fact that there's no hope in this world. And that hatred is what we must promote. Tom looked astonished. He said, "You're wrong." He told me that the message of Emperor's Return was that of hope, of peace, of beauty. He said the goal was to inspire young musicians to create...to keep the evil flowing. Metal must live forever. Then we smoked a joint.

I hope this EP changes your life like it has changed mine.



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user ratings (188)
4
excellent


Comments:Add a Comment 
sonictheplumber
October 4th 2015


17536 Comments

Album Rating: 4.5

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dGN8ZIVMock



^ tom g warrior talks about how rush influenced him in the beginning. fuck yeah

BMDrummer
October 5th 2015


15136 Comments


fuck yes a celtic frost rev

insta pos

BMDrummer
October 5th 2015


15136 Comments


and holy shit this review is amazing

zaruyache
October 5th 2015


27492 Comments

Album Rating: 3.5

If that story's not true I'm gonna be really mad.

pissbore
October 5th 2015


12778 Comments


DETH-RONED EMPERRAH

evilford
October 5th 2015


64788 Comments

Album Rating: 4.0

agreed pos'd 123

evilford
October 5th 2015


64788 Comments

Album Rating: 4.0

plus I like titties

enedwaith
October 5th 2015


1865 Comments


"https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dGN8ZIVMock"

damn dude that backstory really authenticates the darkness of hellhammer's sound

sonictheplumber
October 5th 2015


17536 Comments

Album Rating: 4.5

lol ya tom was left alone while his mom smuggled shit and then he'd go to school, get his ass kicked and come home to listen to motorhead and now we have all this great music as the result

evilford
October 5th 2015


64788 Comments

Album Rating: 4.0

someone already negged gay

HenchmanOfSanta
October 5th 2015


1994 Comments

Album Rating: 4.0

You ass your pants?

romulanrancor
October 5th 2015


7571 Comments

Album Rating: 4.5

you opened for triptykon?

sonictheplumber
October 5th 2015


17536 Comments

Album Rating: 4.5

did i stutter?

sonictheplumber
October 5th 2015


17536 Comments

Album Rating: 4.5

lol thanks for the pos everyone if my review touches just one heart i will have done my job

Flugmorph
October 5th 2015


34577 Comments

Album Rating: 4.0

good stuff m/

enedwaith
October 5th 2015


1865 Comments


hey sonictheplumber have you thought about reviewing brocas helm's into battle?

WeepingBanana
October 5th 2015


11388 Comments


top tier metal. need to listen to this one more

romulanrancor
October 6th 2015


7571 Comments

Album Rating: 4.5

'did i stutter?'



a little actually

piroga84
October 6th 2015


365 Comments


this review is evil, posd

RunOfTheMill
October 8th 2015


4522 Comments


Love this review, put a big smile on my face :]



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