Review Summary: Music for people with big, fluffy hearts.
This is a review for Brand New’s The Devil and God are Raging Inside Me
. This is maybe one of the most overreviewed albums that anyone still comments on, but none of these reviews are real. This is the only review that exists, and therefore it must be read. It is also very truthful.
The thing is (and I’m going to get this out of the way now because it’s the part of the review that isn’t insubstantial bull***) that Brand New don’t really give a *** about you. Look at that artwork. You are what appears to be a little girl and they are what appear to be two men with masks laughing underneath their aforementioned masks at how they are trolling you. The reality is slightly more complicated, because the ‘little girl’ is actually a fully grown human female who works in a pancake joint in my neighborhood – she only looks small because the band had a sulk and couldn’t decide which two members would be dressed up and put on the masks, so they decided to play it like Lenin and stand on each other’s’ shoulders so that everyone could look like a paedo. Some of you probably paid money for this.
They don’t give a *** because they haven’t ever released printed versions of the lyrics, which are why sites like UltimateGuitar and Sputnikmusic like this album. This leaves fragile flowers such as Channing Freeman vulnerable to embarrassing themselves by declaring undying love for something they don’t even know the ***ing words to. Seriously, although the band doesn’t care about you, they still have the common decency not to sing “settle baby” when they could sing “you’ve set on me.” They clue is that the song’s about the not-sun, because the sun has ***ing set. ***ssakes.
In many ways the sun (and its absence) is a leitmotif of this album and not only symbolises illumination and elucidation, but also refers to Jacques Derrida’s deconstruction philosophy, which ascribes identity to the absence thereof, so that something can only be defined by its opposite. In this way, by including both light and darkness, the sun and the not-the-sun, the assurance of understanding and the confusion of everything you won’t know, Brand New covers both sides of everything they examine and ensures that the album is as complete as can be. If this paragraph had been included in a staff review, you probably would have paraphrased it at some point in the near future in an effort to explain how much you love this album, so be grateful I don’t apply my manifold talents to impressing people with gimmicky writing that speaks volumes of *** all and would land me a nice five-letter red tag next to my name that I could spread over all albums like this.
At the end, all will come to dust. Thank you.