Review Summary: Blandness in its purest form.
Take a moment and ask yourself: What makes music
bad to you?
Off-key vocals? Poor instrumentation? Uninspired songwriting?
Though I suppose there is no incorrect (or correct) answer to this question, I have always felt that the greatest sin of music is simply bringing nothing new to the table. As far as I'm concerned, your creativity and artistic style should shine through in your music. Unfortunately, this is becoming less and less common for a couple of reasons. First of all, many modern "artists" are simply untalented and have no creativity. The other the end of the spectrum, though, is far more disturbing to me; when artists sacrifice their artistic integrity to appeal to the largest possible audience.
This brings me to today's subjects, 4 young boys from down under who call themselves 5 Seconds of Summer, or 5SOS. They have actually created quite a large buzz even before the release of their debut album, which is quite a feat as far as I'm concerned.
Well, actually, it
would be quite a feat if they had accomplished this in
literally any other way possible. To my horror, and the horror of those of us blessed with functioning ears, these fine lads found their way to fame and fortune by posting lame song covers on the Internet, and opening for the worst thing to happen to music since Creed, One Direction.
However, against my greater judgment, I decided to give 5SOS the benefit of the doubt, and sat down to listen to their debut album from start to finish.
About halfway through the first song, I went through sever diabetic shock due to the massive amounts of sugar that I had just been exposed to. This was quite an accomplishment, mind you, because I don't actually have diabetes.
Well, I suppose it's time for me to bite the bullet and actually talk about the damn music.
Easily the most impressive thing about the album is the fact that it manages to provoke absolutely no emotion whatsoever. In fact, I completely forgot I was even listening to music multiple times. As I stated earlier, I can't stand the lack of originality, but this takes it to a whole new level. This is quite possibly the blandest, safest, and most sugar-coated music I have ever had the misfortune of hearing. To be honest, I'm actually quite forgiving when it comes to music that's inherently "bad," as long as it makes an effort to be unique and interesting.
For example, My Chemical Romance's fourth album, "Danger Days," was essentially a disaster musically. However, MCR could have easily just released another "Black Parade" and called it a day; instead, they attempted to branch out and explore a different style of music. Though the album itself was a failure, I can't help but give it a slide, because at least it was a legitimate effort-and legitimate efforts are damn hard to find these days.
Let me make this clear: 5 Seconds of Summer are certainly no My Chemical Romance. And I'm not referring to talent; Hell, every member of 5SOS might be
extremely talented as far as I know(though I tend to doubt it), but it certainly doesn't show through in the album. While MCR took a leap of faith, our friends from Australia committed the mortal sin of music, and sacrificed every last bit of their integrity. It's a real pity, too, because 5SOS distinguish themselves from other boy bands by the fact that they actually play instruments. Perhaps if they had cared more about releasing quality music than making quick cash, we might have a half-decent album on our hands.
I feel obligated to at least mention the instrumentation, although there's distressingly little to discuss. Though, as I mentioned, the boys do play their own instruments, they might as well have hired studio musicians; the album is chock-full of the standard 4-chord crap. The vocals, while not "bad" per se, fail to provoke any sort of emotion in the listener, a major shortcoming. Furthermore, the lyrics are so bland and meaningless that they literally could have been performed by any other boy band that has ever existed. The music itself simply lacks identity.
What it all comes to isn't the fact that the album is
bad,(because that was to be expected), but that it is simply devoid of anything
good. In even the most inherently, obviously awful music, I can usually come up with at least something positive, but this album is the rare exception. While nothing is strikingly terrible, it lacks even a single redeeming quality, and therefore is impossible for me to recommend.
Oh, and don't even get me started on them trying to be "punk rock..."
