Review Summary: As someone who ‘never thought this life was possible’, I’m Wide Awake opened my eyes to all that was glorious about this life and the necessity of the struggles that come with it.
Every now and again life throws you a piece of art that within the textures of its paint, the relatable truth of its pages or the sheer honesty of its composition seems to encapsulate, not just the experience of life itself, but of your life in particular.
In the visual arts, the paintings of Mark Rothko have this transcendental impact on me. In literature, Hemingway takes on this role. In music, several artists vie for that special place in my heart. While Elliott Smith, Nick Drake, The Smiths, Okkervil River and Neutral Milk Hotel have all had their time on this highest of podiums, during this particular period of my life, there is one clear winner at present.
Bright Eyes’ I’m Wide Awake its Morning may, on first sighting, seem a strange contestant to occupy the number one spot. A shaky voiced folk singer influenced by Elliott Smith with a similarly predictable and clichéd history of alcoholism and depression might not seem the ideal candidate to supply the soundtrack to my late teen years. However, to focus on the darker and more inward-looking aspects of Conor Oberst’s writing is to misinterpret the essence of Bright Eyes’ music. On the contrary, we only get to the heart of I’m Wide Awake during its closing lyrics, as Oberst finally snaps and his voice soars up into a brilliant scream.
'Well I could have been a famous singer
If I had someone else’s voice
But failures always sounded better
Let’s *** it up boys, make some noise!'
And that, rather than the self-indulgent whining of another depressive folkster, is what I’m Wide Awake is all about. Modern life is drab, vacuous and painful, but that doesn’t mean we can’t make something beautiful out of it.
For me personally, it seemed like my life had become a Truman Show-esque reality TV show and Oberst was simultaneously writing the script and doing the narration. In ‘We are Nowhere and It’s Now’ he manages to capture the contradiction between the restless energy and completely absence of motivation which defines depression.
'I’ve been sleeping so strange at night
Side effects they don’t advertise
I’ve been sleeping so strange
With a head full of pesticide
I’ve got no plans and too much time
I feel too restless to unwind
I’m always lost in thought as I walk a block
To my favourite neon sign'
As someone who ‘never thought this life was possible’, I’m Wide Awake opened my eyes to all that was glorious about this life and the necessity of the struggles that come with it. After all, if this beautiful record reminds us of anything, it’s that these conflicts are what define us as individuals and how we choose to face them is how we find our way on a journey which seems to lead nowhere at all.
