Review Summary: Blood on the Dance Floor just won’t go away... And this time, they’re looking to save lives!
Releasing their fifth album in just fifty months, it appears as if Blood on the Dance Floor will not be going away any time soon. The Orlando outfit who get their fans “wetter than Hurricane Katrina” (their words, not mine) are clearly looking to cash in on their schlocky electro-pop while they can. Sure, there has been some gradual growth since their horrid initial output, but improving on Shakespearian lyrics such as “I’ll throw a dildo in your grave, party up and start a rave” and “My cum’s so chunky, it’s like an Oreo McFlurry” really isn’t all that difficult. Following the lead of predecessor ‘All The Rage!’, ‘Evolution’ sees the duo attempting to improve their electronica-heavy production, while continuing to tone down the explicit lyrics. In fact, the consistent theme evident here suggests that each of their fans need their lives saved... And who better to do that than these two gentlemen!?
Before saving lives, however, Blood on the Dance Floor must first raise their credibility by masking their numerous deficiencies as best as possible... And the method of choice on 'Evolution' is distraction. Opener 'Rise & Shine' may do so most successfully, melding every trick in the electronica handbook to form some kind of digestible mess. Layers upon layers of synth, Skrillex's definition of dubstep and distractingly loud four-to-the-floor beats are mixed to the fore, while some background screaming and even a Martin Luther King soundbyte almost allow the poor song-writing and horrendous singing to be ignored. Elsewhere, unconvincing vocals from unknown females - and Good Charlotte's Joel Madden - do not add a great deal of variety, while four spoken-word interludes championing love and optimism contribute nothing but extra cheese.
While Jayy Von Monroe's vocals are occasionally tolerable, Dahvie Vanity's are in desperate need of auto-tune - especially throughout verses where he approaches rapping and spoken-word. Seriously, you just have to listen to his delivery of "Every 14.2 minutes, someone in the United States dies by suicide" at the beginning of 'You Are the Heart' to understand how awful Vanity's voice is. And while Blood on the Dance Floor's intentions may indeed be admirable, one only has to glimpse at the album cover to wonder if the source of this message is the correct one. If that does not do it, then choice lyrics such as "***in' genie without a bottle, I'll grant your wishes if you swallow" ('Fantasyland') and "You always said you would die to be famous, but you never thought it would be because of your anus" ('Revenge Porn') will undoubtedly do so.
With the aforementioned crassness being thankfully kept to a minimum, 'Evolution' is arguably Blood on the Dance Floor's best release to date. However, the remainder of this overlong 56 minute album is far too cheesy for its own good. The problem - and principal reason why this duo has not crossed over into the mainstream - is that this cheesiness never resembles the fun or catchiness of other derided acts such as LMFAO. Nothing here lodges itself in your mind, with the best that can be hoped for being a head-nod or toe-tap to the repetitive beats or rare synth hooks. And even when they do approach delivering a semi-catchy chorus - as on 'Unforgiven', 'Hollywood Tragedy' and 'The Last Dance' - this pair have far too many limitations to ultimately not derail any promise. Maybe the duo could release something passable if they waited a couple of years between albums... More likely, Blood on the Dance Floor just need to go away!
Recommended Tracks: Rise & Shine and Hollywood Tragedy.
