Review Summary: The rise of the Metapod.....
For years Metapod have been cast off from the pokemon community as a useless and irrelevant species. As a cocoon pokemon type, it's best offense was it's defense. A Metapod could harden. And that's about it. Metapod had no form of offense to protect itself from harm other than to use harden or evolve into Butterfree. Metapod never was the most attractive pokemon either. Metapod was shaped like a crescent moon and had a pale sickly green color which drew even more detractors. Metapod was scoffed at for being the "ugly duckling" of the group and not to be taken seriously by any of the other pokemon. Metapod grew bitter from the years of resentment shared by the others yet bided their time peacefully because they knew that one day their time would come.
Metapod's time came in 2008 in the shape of an album entitled "Metapoddestroyer". "Metapoddestroyer" is a furious audio onslaught that takes influence from a multitude of genres including chiptune, cybergrind and breakbeat while incorporating the emotional heft and defiant pride of Irish heavy metallers Primordial. The album is a compelling eighteen track tribute to one of pokemon's most underrated creatures. The Metapod that you thought you knew is not here. Not anymore. Metapod has grown strong. Metapod has grown tired of your bull***. Metapod is here to *** you up dawg.
"Metapod Set Cinnabar Island On Fire" is the true fire-starter to this record. This song possesses vehement rage and bloodlust, detailing the rabid Metapod going ape*** upon the innocent with thudding percussion, down-tempo riffage and ominous synth loops. The Metapod rape, kill and dismember everything and everyone in sight. Pontya heads are stuck on poles as a compelling tribute to the now dominant bug species. Blaine's body has provided a hearty meal for the Metapod elite. Magmars jump into the water to escape persecution but sadly die because they are water intolerant. After this vicious battle, the Metapod make their way through Viridian Forest with the aptly titled "Fear And Loathing in Viridian Forest". This song is taken from the gameboy color video game yet is greatly enhanced with distorted guitars, synth and percussion to make this a truly kvlt number. Walking in Viridian Forest is no longer safe with these vicious ***ers goring everyone in sight. Bloodlust under the moonlight, how sweet. By now the Metapod have grown confident. They've penned numbers such as "Hard as a Metapod" and "Worship of a Cocoon". They have deified themselves and grown a Napoleonic complex all at once. Oh man...you better watch out.
The second half of the album grows more aggressive in sound as the Metapod grow more feral. "Metapod Use Harden" is a terror induced fight song dedicated to all the haters out there mocking this hallowed technique. Metapod will harden you as your internal organs become mush and your spinal chord becomes a Christmas tree ornament. "Metapod vs Gyardos" is the heaviest track on the album. Taking influence from death metal Metapod shows how hard a Metapod can be as they abso-***ing-lutely decimate the proud dragon-type Gyardos. Blasting percussion and bone jarring riffs collide for a monumental climax as Metapod claims victory over his more prestigious brethren. And so it should come as no surprise as the song evolves into "A Winner is Metapod", a candid ballad that dedicates itself to the new-found strength of Metapod.
I forgot to mention that Metapod ***ing hate Kakuna. As rivals for the most useless pokemon in existence, Metapod have taken out all their rage on their former colleagues with no remorse. A slaughter ensues with the Metapod getting drunk off of the blood of their opponents. They rip through their shells, gorge upon the fallen and gain even more strength. The short sample by Misty and barrage of guitars set the tone for the song as nothing is safe from Metapod. The closing breakdown is a nice touch which fully realizes Metapod's ferocity as a fighter. The battles continue as Metapod vie for world supremacy. Eventually they find their match in Missingo, the fabled glitch hero of old. The song progresses from a quick burst of break-beat to video game sound-bits before erupting into aggro metal. The battle is on it's way. The Metapod attack like a trained Roman legion. Disciplined, courageous and vicious. Missingo is a fierce fighter himself. Many Metapod have been slayed by the hand of this glitch deity. Shells have been cracked, blood has been spilled and eyeballs have been ripped out, yet the Metapod continue fighting. Their vast numbers and fearless dedication to achieving victory is not to be underestimated. For every Metapod slain by Missingo five more appear. Eventually the tide begins to change as Missingo starts to tire. His fatigue coupled with the vast Metapod army prove to be too much to handle as the Metapod begin to chip away at his body. Wounds are taking it's toll and the loss of blood is disorienting Missingo yet he continues to fight. Missingo punches and stabs until it is too much too handle and he falls back dead. The Metapod roar with delight. The battle has been won.
The Metapod solemnly cross the river to return to Viridian Forest for there they will remain until the end of times. Once they return to their home a funny thing happens. What" Metapod is evolving. A mass evolution breaks out as the Metapod begin evolving into Butterfree. Oh! Wait! In a startling turn of events the Metapod have denied the passage of evolution to continue their reign as Metapod. The *** you anthem "Metapod Is Not Evolving' is then played throughout the Kanto region, letting the survivors know that the Metapod are here and if you get in our way we'll *** you in the ass.