Tankard
Zombie Attack


4.5
superb

Review

by BallsToTheWall USER (232 Reviews)
December 27th, 2011 | 32 replies


Release Date: 1986 | Tracklist

Review Summary: Heavy metal has Manowar, thrash has Tankard.

If there are five people in this world that you should invite to your house for a beer or six they should be Gerre, Frank, Axel, Andy and Oliver of German metal gods Tankard. Inviting anybody else to your house is just poor judgement on your part. And may you be smitten for making that ***ing mistake because I assure you it wont happen again. First off Tankard are the ***ing ***. They are the living embodiment of all that is metal. Tankard like to thrash. Tankard like to drink beer. Tankard like to watch zombie movies. Tankard like to sing about drinking beer and zombie invasions while conducting level 11 thrash symphonies. Tankard is to thrash as Manowar is to heavy metal. So by that account Tankard should be having their cocks sucked by every female mouth in a two hundred thousand mile radius. But sadly, Tankard have never received the same kind of critical acclaim that countrymen Sodom, Destruction and Kreator got. It's a damn shame because Tankard are an essential part of true thrash metal, from both a foreign and domestic standpoint. If you consider yourself a true thrasher and you don't have any Tankard on your playlist you can either A. do the morally responsible thing and listen to Tankard effective immediately or B. F.O.A.D.

Tankard is a thrash metal band hailing from Frankfurt, Germany. Born in 1982 this group of nefarious delinquents started thrashing at an early age. They started thrashing as soon as the thrashing began to formulate. They released their first album "Zombie Attack" in the year of all years. Yep, i'm talking about 1986 folks. While Metallica, Slayer and Testament were slaying the U.S and Sodom and Destruction were concocting satanic blitzkriegs elsewhere, Tankard were doing the two things they do best. Thrashing and drinking beer. This is thrash metal in it's most depraved most punk rock influenced form. Fast paced riffing, snarling vocals, shredding solos and and relentless energy dominate this record in addition to profoundly touching lyrics and a defiant *** YOU!!! attitude.

The guitars are standard fare in the realm of thrash metal. They are fast, simple and to the point. Axel and Andy concoct infectious riff patterns for you to dinosaur stomp the *** out of your living room. Start to throw and break ***, piss in your brothers girlfriends hair, eat soggy bread out of your dogs bowl. These Krauts are capable of all this even before they start soloing. When they start soloing I swear the whole world goes into full metal mode. What you think is an earthquake is actually just the earth rocking the *** out. Jesus gives the Christians a middle finger as he air guitars like a mother***ing champ. Ignoring his calls for peace, love and happiness Jesus doesn't care to listen. Jesus is too busy rocking the *** out. Deal with your own problems pussy. When the fantastic chest beating rhythm of "Empty Tankerd" opens and paves way into the sinister death pact "Thrash To Death there is nothing to be done but listening and drinking. The frenetic riff-fest of "Zombie Attack" recalls the unchained energy and aggression of the earliest punk sounds while keeping it metal.

The vocals are one of my favorite parts of this record. Gerre is a pretty badass singer. He utilizes a vocal style that is part screaming, part shouting and part singing. His manic delivery contributes heavily to the aggressive audio madness that is "Zombie Attack". Tankard's music latches upon you like a goddamn crocodile who drags his prey under water for a post workout snack. Besides having a killer voice Gerre is a lyrical genius. His lyrics possess artistic depth and emotional conviction that is rarely found in modern music today. 'Maniac Forces" touches upon the dick waving contest between Russia and the U.S.A in the Cold War inspired epic while Tankard decide to get a little intimate with the alcohol drenched ballads "Alcohol" and "Empty Tankards". On these tracks Tankard introduce to us the noble concept of brotherhood, heavy partying and drinking till your liver gives out. "Thrash Till Death" on the other hand is a righteous initiation for all the newbies out there who want to sell their souls to metal. Other topics include zombies, gangs, killing posers and mercenaries. The sheer diversity of the lyrical content will sway you in a way that indie rock never could.

The rhythm section courtesy of Oliver and Frank is ***ing executed perfectly. You know in metal there's a certain stigma revolving around the bassist's involvement or lack thereof. That issue is not found here. because Frank is the ***ing man. His finger tapping is not only present, not only following the lead of the guitars but in the ***ing front-lines thrashing out wildly with his brothers. Meanwhile, behind the drum kit Oliver is putting on a clinic. Beating his skins like a hooker who opened her mouth without permission Oliver puts on a rousing performance complete with drum fills and mindless bashing. There is no weak component in "Zombie Attack" or "Tankard for that matter".

The band plays together in a cohesive manner as evidenced by the quality of songs found on Zombie Attack. There are ten songs here and they all slay hard. It's important for a band to have chemistry because if you're not all in chances are the fractured bromance is going to negatively impact your music. Fortunately, we don't need have to worry about that pessimistic bull*** because that's not present here. This album is for true thrashers only. No posers need apply.



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Comments:Add a Comment 
TheNotrap
December 27th 2011


11829 Comments


Pos for reviewing this classic thrash album.
m/

Digging: Vitriol (USA) - To Bathe From the Throat of Cowardice

BallsToTheWall
December 27th 2011


49745 Comments

Album Rating: 4.5

M/

Digging: Eremit - Carrier of Weight

MO
December 28th 2011


22715 Comments


band rules album rules faces

BallsToTheWall
December 28th 2011


49745 Comments

Album Rating: 4.5

Drinking and fucking through the whole night long

Partying with friends 'til fucking dawn

Let's go thrashin' and stagedivin'

Feel the power and sound again









Going to do Tankard proud tonight by working out and follow with mass Steel Reserve consumption. Possible Sherlock Holmes with the break off from Skyrim.

ShadowRemains
December 28th 2011


25031 Comments


this sounds like rape

BrownPark
December 28th 2011


158 Comments


holy shit balls you have a ton of comments. however somehow i don't trust your rating of this record.

Hyperion1001
Emeritus
December 28th 2011


19985 Comments


fuck you

illmitch
December 28th 2011


5511 Comments


always thought these guys were pretty gimmicky with not that much substance

album is pretty fun though

BallsToTheWall
December 28th 2011


49745 Comments

Album Rating: 4.5

You bastard, I hate you

I kill you, you can lick my butt

So pious and gracious

Intention isn´t very clear

You bastard, still hate you

Need money for a fucking beer

BallsToTheWall
December 28th 2011


49745 Comments

Album Rating: 4.5

You've got the cash, so give it to me

Dig in your Wallet and set me free

Expect no thanks, you can kiss my ass

I´ll ball your girlfriend and cum with class



taylormemer
December 28th 2011


4962 Comments


lol

BallsToTheWall
December 28th 2011


49745 Comments

Album Rating: 4.5

Minerals! Vegetables! Health food and some peppermint tea

No more of that liquid death

No more beer! No more booze! We'll play healthy metal instead

ShadowRemains
December 28th 2011


25031 Comments


rape = nerd sex


quite true


south_of_heaven 11
December 28th 2011


5529 Comments


Tankard are fucking awesome.

BallsToTheWall
December 28th 2011


49745 Comments

Album Rating: 4.5

12 comments, 17 ratings, I expected better from sputnik. In Tankard We Trust. Let us smite the posers. Hail Troo Metal!!!!!

TheNotrap
December 28th 2011


11829 Comments


m/
ZOMBIE ATTACKKKKKK

Voivod
Staff Reviewer
December 30th 2011


8434 Comments


Haven't heard anything from this band, will fix that soon.

Digging: Apparatus - Yonder Yawns the Universe

fulgrim
January 8th 2012


1542 Comments


lol this band

KILL
June 20th 2014


81232 Comments

Album Rating: 3.5

ZOMBIE ATTEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRKKKKKKKKKK

facupm
June 20th 2014


11418 Comments


never heard



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