Review Summary: Cue the facepalm
High Maintenance is Miranda Cosgrove's follow up to
Sparks Fly, her 2010 LP. The pop singer/actress' second extended play features songs co-written with both Avril Lavigne and Rivers Cuomo - an impetus for Weezer fans worldwide to emit a massive collective sigh. With the release, Miss Cosgrove attempts to replicate the surprising positive reception of her first full length. Such an attempt, however, may have been in vain.
The EP kicks it off with lead single "Dancing Crazy", a track concerned solely with boogieing along to some tunes until the morning's wee hours. The mediocre production can't even begin to make up for the song's dreadful lyrics ("
I like you and you like me, we get together and we're happy. Didja hear me say that? Didja-didja-didja hear me say that?") or its utter lack of originality. "Face of Love" features a mildly catchy beat and slightly less cringe-worthy lyricism, yet still sounds spoiled coming from the ex-Nickelodeon actress. In general, Cosgrove's limited vocal range and unmitigated absence of creativity create an end product that is not only mindlessly boring but adequately bothersome as well.
Miranda's duet with Weezer frontman Rivers Cuomo, "High Maintenance", has got to be the EP's leading candidate for most tantalizingly terrible track. Repetitive background music, uninspired production and a chorus featuring some of 2011's most elementary lyricism ("
All I want is everything, does that make sense? Does that make me high maintenance?…I don't think so.") plague the track to the point of irritating the listener. Cuomo's presence on the song unfortunately adds absolutely nothing of listening value to it. Even "Kiss You Up", a Shontelle cover from her 2010 album
No Gravity, is as sluggish and devoid of passion as the original.
At best,
High Maintenance is another cute tween-pop effort for young teenagers all over America to dance along with at awkward junior-high social events. At its worst, however, the EP is no more than the putrescent amalgamation of regurgitated Billboard Top 100 hits. The collection of five songs is essentially a frustratingly wasteful use of internet broadband and FM-radio airspace. Simply put, Miss Cosgrove doesn't do too much right in any of these tracks. It's a shame, I suppose, but my level of concern is seriously exhausted at this point in time.
