Review Summary: Age excuses some things, but not everything.
Some albums seem to have an unfair advantage. For as bad as they are - and they inevitably are - they always at least have one endearing quality that keeps reviewers and more jaded music lovers from tearing them a well-deserved new one. Whether it is the illusion of the musicians, their earnest acceptance of their shortcomings or the appearance of the occasional good song, these albums usually escape the appraising battle far less scathed than they should, however undeservedly.
Such an album is the Metal Brothers' demo, Thunders
, a record which defeats us with a mere sight of its cover. Look at that cover. Just look at it
. None of the kids pictured on it looks a day over 12 - definitely children of the millenium - and from the Metallica shirts and devil horns to the Axl Rose posturing of the supposed "singer", they seem to be living a dream which was dead long before they were even a project in their mother's heads. One inevitably gets ready for a youthful, immature, yet endearing cavalcade of thrash or classic heavy metal.
However, the very first run-through of the album shatters any and all illusions anyone could have about the Metal Brothers (sorry: MetaL BrotherS), and reiterates one fact: just because they're kids, it does not mean they are beyond criticism. Much to the contrary, as this record proves to be none of what anyone could have expected, as well as one of the most unlistenable experiences known to rock'n'roll. It can scarcely even be called an "album" or a "demo"; that is, unless you consider nine minutes of badly played guitar to be publishable material. Indeed, all Thunders, Rock It Hard
and Electric Chair
amount to is stuff that might have been cute in the sixth-grade talent show, but will definitely not fly in an actual music scene, even if the download is one hundred percent free and legal.
First of all, if you thought the presence of four kids meant a full band, think again. All you get here is one - sometimes two - electrified guitars, and some minimal vocals on one track. The whole thing sounds like a single kid - presumably the one with the gigantic retro guitar - recording himself in his bedroom during guitar lessons. Which is all fine and dandy - as long as you don't publish it online. Similarly, you may like Metallica all you want, but you should not attempt Kirk Hammett-style cut-and-pasting unless you know what you are doing, lest the results be as obvious as they are on the final section of Electric Chair
. And let's not even get started on the vocalized song: nearly three minutes of the same four lines repeated over and over over woefully-strummed guitar can only be made worse if those four lines are "thundars, in my hair/there are thunders everywhere/thunders, down the streets/thunders, thunders"
. Gene Simmons would be proud.
In conclusion, then, this review may sound too harsh (after all, they are only 13), but a single listen to this pathetic excuse for a release will show that it's entirely deserved. Most people will certainly own up to being just as poor musically and just as illusionated as these kids when they themselves were 13; the difference was, they didn't publish it on the Internet, even for free, and call it an album. Half a point given for the low age average and a semi-decent blues riff; but these kids can still consider themselves lucky this site does not feature a rating of zero.
Are you kidding!"!"
Download it legally for FREE here