Review Summary: And you guys thought I hated Pantera...
It's difficult to find serious attempts at music that are actively bad. Sure there are satirical bands like The Dead Milkmen and Steel Panther that are purposely bad for the sake of novelty (hell, even Limp Bizkit seemed to kind of know they sucked), but there are few actual serious musical efforts I've heard that are so abysmal that they become even bigger jokes than the novelty bands themselves. Enter Five Finger Death Punch; a band so actively awful that even calling them nu metal would be giving them too much credit. What makes them so awful? Well, let's start with the most obvious thing: the lyrics. In the past, I've criticized Pantera for their brand of tough guy posturing and one dimensional teenage-style angst. Now, in case you haven't noticed from my VDoP review there are few things that piss me off more than the tough guy/"I'm really angry/sad" act. While Pantera brought that style to metal and many horrible bands have emulated it, 5FDP takes it to a new level (no pun intended). How bad are they? I'll let you be the judge:
"Step to me, step to me mother***er
Zip your lip, you've run out of time
Step to me, step to me anybody
Talk the talk, now walk the damn line"
-Self Titled Track
Now, assuming you've retained enough of your higher brain functions to keep on reading, here's another example. This time of the "angst":
"You've pushed me one too many times
I'm sick of all of the fiction, we're gonna settle it
You've pushed me one too many times
I'm sick of all of the ***, I'm gonna settle it!"
-Meet the Monster
...............................*snaps out of trance* Sorry about that. Thought I was a gorilla for a second there. So yeah, bottom line: lyrics are retarded.
What about the instruments? The good news is that they're better than the lyrics. The bad news is that there wasn't room to get much worse. The guitars consist of your standard nu metal/metalcore riffing (bar chords and simple pentatonic riffs), and some simple mid to up-tempo solos. The drums are in about the same ballpark, remaining formulaic and uninspired with only a few very brief hints at something better.
As for the bass, I can't really judge technically because I have no experience with the instrument, but aesthetically, it adheres to the same boring, half-assed grooves you've heard countless times before. Strictly sub-par stuff.
Now while I've made significant mention of how god-awful the lyrics are, I haven't mentioned the vocals yet. Again, they're at about the same level as everything else: piss-poor. Ivan (Ghost) Moody, like Corey Taylor before him, sounds like he strains his voice on screams. Also like Mr. Taylor, Ivan switches between aforementioned screaming and more traditional melodic singing regularly. These parts are even worse. Moody has no range, and couldn't hold a tune in a chained up safe. Couple this with the abominable lyrics and you're looking at one of the worst frontmen since Fred Durst.
"The Way of the Fist" is the equivilant of an abortion splattered into a CD case. Its lyrics are an embarrassment, its musicianship is dull and mundane, its sound is obnoxious, and its vocals are damned near unlistenable. Five Finger Death Punch call themselves "true metal". If this album is any indication, they're hardly even tinfoil.
