The Queers
Love Songs for the Retarded



by Zmev USER (64 Reviews)
September 4th, 2005 | 46 replies

Release Date: 1993 | Tracklist

The Queers, if you think they called themselves this because they are homosexual, you is a foolio. Of course the name is meant for whatever ironic value can come out of (blasted teenagers and their irony!). Anyways, 11 years after their forming, the Queers released their second (sounds weird I know) full length album, Love songs for the Retarded. I was originally drawn to this album because of it's name and since listening to it, there aren't love songs but it's still a cool album and a fun listen.

The album basically consists off all fast paced songs, with occasional soloing but not too extensivly. As you listen you'll begin to hear the band's influences come into play. Some of the songs sound just like Ramones songs (and as much as I know, they might be). This is the last sentence before I start reviewing this album, but not before I say who's in the band.

Joe King/Queer - Guitar/Vocals
Hugh O'Neil - Drums
B-Face - Bass

The album kicks off with You're Tripping. This song does a good job of presenting an accurate preview for this album. A little under 2 minutes and fast paced with group singing parts and shouting-but-not-shouting choruses.

"Can't You See?
This ain't nazi Germany!
Bring on the beers
Cuz we are the Queers!"

There are about 2 verses really and the same chorus except a slight lyric switch, but nothing major. After this, B-Face plays the bass intro into the second song, Ursula Finally has Tits. As the title suggests, in this song they "detail" some 12 year old (most likely) hitting puberty and "dammit we're excited". The lyrics are sort of "um, ok" but at the same time amusing, talking about tampons and such. The thing that sticks out in this song is the bess part is recognizable and this song is not long and clocks out at 2:32 with a short guitar part. After Ursula gets tits, we hear about how I hate everything you see what I did there yeah you did. One of the shorter songs on the album (1:23), a song naming a few things and then going into a chorus of "I hate, well I hate everything". Not a highlight but it finishes quickly. Next song is Teenage Bonehead, and this is one of the songs which seems pretty lifted from the Ramones, not only with the style but with the voice to be quite honest. There is some sort of a story in this track, apparently some slut doesn't like some kid and now he's a teenage bonehead, sucks for him.

Fuck the World is the next track and although the title suggests otherwise, this is not a song dealing with political issues and things that go along with that. Instead, it's more of a "I hate my life hey lets hangout" thing.

"I called in sick to work today and stayed in bed 'til noon/And now I just don't care what's going on outside this room/Things aren't getting better/My future's not too bright/Fuck the world I'm hanging out with you tonight"

Its a fun 2 verse song that lasts 2 and a half minutes, some woahohhohhh's are in there to extend the song. Decent song despite it's shortness on paper. Here's a song you'll want played at your Yale graduation ceremony, I can't stop farting begins with guitar and builds from there. The song is about just that, not being able to start farting. So far the instrument parts all sound the same if not for different basslines (about 1 or 2) and this song is no exception, plus the whole obsession with farting. Not a great track, I'd only suggest it if you're into that sort of thing.Feeling Groovy is the next track and it's honestly starting to get repetitive, plus at this point Joe's voice might be getting irritating for some (and my wrists are starting to hurt). He's feeling so groovy it sucks, well that's what he says anyway, many times. The next song, for a change, doesn't begin with instruments, instead, Hi mom, it's me! begins with a telephone ring and a short but epic conversation:

"*ring*/"hello?/hi mom, its me!/AHHHH"

Epic, I know. this song goes on with Joe telling us how he was a little *** and apparently in this song he calls his mom.After he bitches to his mom about how he sucks, an actually authentically good song comes to play, Noodlebrain. The guitar part on this song is actually a tad different and recognizablt, then when compared with the rest of this album. This is one of those songs designed for telling people off, and hating ugly noodlebreains who are so stupid. I can't stand you follows the trend of songs to blow off people with. It's a little over a minute long and is about, gasp, him not standing someone. Night of the Livid Queers is actually a good song. It's a catchy songs that doesn't rely on simple verse-chorus structure. There are many thrown in lines by other members of the band and the song is authentically good and exciting. Granola Head begins with a soundclip of someone asking what is going on, obviously on acid. Granola Head is a song about not wanting to be a hippie simply, and lists characteristics of hippies, hairy chicks, flowers, etc. This song is a good song but I still prefer Night of the Livid Queers, as should you. I won't be is next and describes what he won't be. Like usual, this song has a small solo part with a fast paced verse-chorus setup, typical for this album.

Monster Zero is the second to last song on this album and starts with drums for a little bit and then dives into guitar, back out to drums and into the song. This song is about some chick he's at the movies at and she seems to be a nympho. "Monster Zero" is repeated in the chorus, why? I have no idea. The bridge from chorus to verse features the second best guitar solo piece on this whole album. The last song, Daydreaming, which is also the longest song, clocking in at 3:49, wraps up the album by playing the last cloned Ramones song. If there's any song on this album that is remotely close to a love song and not having to do with secks or someone's anatomical features, this would be it.

So there you have it, 34 minutes of your life spent listeniing to a band that listens to the Ramones themselves a bit too much. Like I said, there is nothing groundbreaking about this album. It's just a fun short and fast ride about being a teenager, bored, slightly rebellious, horny, the whole sha-bang.

What I liked:
Most songs were short and sweet
Amusing lyrics
Cool guitar parts

What I didnt like:
Got awfully repetitive
Guitar parts started sounding the same
I think the drummer played the same thing throughout the whole album

Suggested downloads (be honest, you're not going to buy this):

Night of the Living Queers
Ursula Finally has Tits
You're Tripping

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Comments:Add a Comment 
September 4th 2005


They covered all of the Ramones' Rocket to Russia.

September 5th 2005


I've heard some Queers song and they're ok so I'll get this soon.

[QUOTE=beyondtheblueprint]because fall out boy doesnt make love songs for retarded people.[/QUOTE]

That's why they're so uncool. Common sense, cupcakes. People these days really

September 5th 2005


[quote=me]why listen to fall out boy when you can listen to the queers?[/quote]

[quote=you]why listen to a bunch of flaming faggots?[/quote]

We said the same thing.

Music Nerd
January 29th 2006


Album Rating: 3.0

It's a good album, but it doesn't compare to Beyond the Valley.

The Jungler
June 19th 2006


I wanna check these guys out.
Foolios for the win.

December 2nd 2006


Album Rating: 5.0

One of my favorite albums of all time.

Amazing band.

November 21st 2007


Album Rating: 4.5

while i thank you for taking the time to review this, i really disliked your review. its not that i simply disagree with you, its just that it is poorly written, and your lack of depth besides "a bunch of short songs" but again i really apreciate the time you took to make it.

and NEDM:

are you fucking serious?This Message Edited On 11.21.07

March 12th 2012



September 1st 2012


I remember these guys.

September 1st 2012


ya u wd

September 1st 2012


you calling me a nig?

September 1st 2012


ur trippin bro

November 13th 2012


"The Queers started pop punk"

November 13th 2012



November 13th 2012



November 13th 2012


pop punx began with the ramones yankee

Digging: Revenge (CAN) - Strike.Smother.Dehumanize

November 13th 2012



November 13th 2012


the queefs

November 13th 2012


the quacks

November 13th 2012


the ramones were CLASSIC PUNK bro it says so right on their page so get it right and recognize THE QUEERS as true pop punk pioneers OKAY?

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