Review Summary: MSN is a powerful tool. Just like Frankie Palmeri.
Some albums can make you feel happy. Some enlightened. Some can make you feel like you've been improved in some way. Emmure's EP "
The Complete Guide To Needlework" is an album that makes you feel ripped off. My friend made the unfortunate decision to download this album, and since his thoughts are stated in a more direct and more entertaining way than I could ever achieve, what better way to review this album than copy what he said over MSN to me about the album?
Enter the conversation...
---------------------------------------------
Alex says:
hahaha nice
lol im getting the emmure discography
gonna do a series of reviews
then delete it all
Lambda says:
lol
cool
Alex says:
can you believe 70 people seed this crap
and i cant even find some actually good albums
Lambda says:
lmao
emmure is pretty bad
probably in my top 10 worst bands
Alex says:
for me its more like
top 10 mediocre
my top 10 worst would probably be like
Lambda says:
yeah
i guess
Alex says:
Brokencyde, Millionaires, DoomThrone, Grumblecunt etc.
Emmure might snag number 10
it finished
lets start with their first EP i guess
Lambda says:
oh god
Alex says:
okay an intro
a bunch of kids screaming
and some ambient noises
a plane
oh a breakdown faded in
Lambda says:
im gonna make this its own review
your comments lmao
Alex says:
this like the intro to allegience
except worse
bad transition to the next song
Lambda says:
oh god
Alex says:
woah an actually kinda cool drum intro with the guitars
but then it just ruins it by doing a breakdown
the vocalist is awful
then there is like some trivium rip off riff
over a two step drum riff
beat*
Lambda says:
who would want to rip off Trivium lawl
Alex says:
really abrupt breakdown that wasn't necessary
the pinch harmonics make it a bit better but it's still pretty bad
lol clean shouting
sounds really girly and high pitched
Alex sends:
"Johnny Carson Didn't Have to Die (by Emmure)"
Open(Alt+P)
Alex says:
seriously listen to that crap
Lambda says:
ugh
this is gonna suck
Alex says:
they call it music
the drum rolls at the start [of this third song] are the only good part
this is a little better but just comes off as a bad misery signals rip off
oh a breakdown
really badly placed chug guitar laced with a flanger
to segue in a different breakdown
okay they went back to the main riff
then they put in a really forced breakdown
Lambda says:
god lol that sounds crappy
k well keep typing your thoughts
Alex says:
The song titles suck
Lambda says:
ill brb
but keep going lol ill read it when i get back
Alex says:
really bad cleanly clean vocals here
oh wow another breakdown not suprised
the vocalist sounds like he's taking a painful ***
YOOOOOOOOOOOO
YAHHHHHHH
FORRRR FIGHTTTTT
something like that
the last two songs ended exactly the same way
okay this song has a kinda cool alt picked riff at the start
but after the intro they did a breakdown
spoken word
then just a straight chug for like 10 seconds
before one of the worst breakdowns on this record
they transition to a different breakdown after that
god this song is almost 5 minutes
there sounds like there is a cool lead guitar riff on this breakdown
but you cant hear it because the chugs are mixed too loud
another brief breakdown
then they let out a sestained chord
reallly bad vocals at this spot
then they go into another more fast paced breakdown
the trills aren't bad
but it sounds like the last 2 songs
oh god
he just said
"Wont you go for a ride???"
in a really bad clean tone
awful
another chugging excersize
ends the song
oh wait no
another instrumental chugging riff
the vocals come in over some gallops
then they get slower
the song ends with some twilight zone rip off riff
okay two more songs
bad transition to the next song
starts with an open chord
then some really slow part
over bad vocals
another breakdown here
oh [god last song
some cool double bassing
more boring breakdowns
this sounds just like the other songs
well that was bad]
and that's The Complete Guide To Needlework
---------------------------------------------
Emmure's '
The Complete Guide To Needlework' is one of the worst demonstrations of poor music I've ever heard. The problem isn't the instrumental work; the musicianship isn't terrible (aside from, at times, the vocals). The biggest problem with this EP is that it's just horribly derivitive- from the endless breakdowns, to the crash cymbal drumbeats, to drop C guitar riff after drop C guitar riff. There really are very few positive aspects of this EP, and to be honest, I'm not going to try too hard to find them- I've already subjected my ears to enough of this garbage. I wouldn't call this brocore; I'd call it blowcore.
