Review Summary: Emmure’s EP. Don’t bother.
The Complete Guide To Needlework is an EP by metalcore/deathcore band Emmure. All below-the-belt Emmure jokes aside though, were you really expecting much? This has to be one of the most homogenous metalcore records I have ever heard. Emmure’s EP is oversaturated with breakdowns, manages to be instrumentally uninteresting throughout save a few moments, and the vocalist is just pure garbage. It also has dumb song titles to boot.
If the only goal in music was to create breakdown after breakdown that were mediocre at best, then
The Complete Guide To Needlework would be our
Jane Doe. In the song “Looking For A Gift Horse In The Mouth”, You can count at least 5 or 6 of them just by leafing through the song, let alone actually listening to it in full. The brodowns on this album rarely even fit in the songs properly. For example, in “Exits Away” there is an extremely forced slow-paced exercise in diminished chugging thrown in when it really isn’t needed. Ironically, it’s extremely hard to even write this review without using the cursed
B word repeatedly.
Other than the aforementioned breakdowns, any other musical elements of this album are quite meager. However, quite frankly, they aren’t anything to write home about either. Intro-esque track “Second Hand Smoke” is just a bunch of seemingly random noises from a park and some plane noise that segues into one of the worst breakdowns on this record. There are a couple two step patterns (“A Fist Fight With Dick Tracy”) to break up the breakdowns (haha), but it’s nothing we haven’t heard before.
There are a few moments on this EP that stop it from being completely awful though. These moments I speak of aren’t amazing or anything, they are just
decent compared to the rest of the
GARBAGE. The intro to “Johnny Carson Didn’t Have To Die” has some cool drum rolls with some atonal chords. After that though, the song just shoots itself in the foot with two steps and breakdowns. “A Fist Fight With Dick Tracy” is awesome for like the first five seconds with the fast double bass intro, but the song just goes downhill with the same derivative crap too. There is also a brief tapping moment on this record, it’s really sloppy but it’s nice to hear after aurally beaten with a sledge for most of the record.
Frankie, the vocalist, is pretty terrible. I’m surprised this guy even decided to take up screaming. He sounds like a constipated yeti (in a bad way). In “Johnny Carson Didn’t Have To Die”, he layers different kinds of crappy screams to create this really awful metalcore voice no one wants to hear. Also, there are really crappy clean vocals too. “I Should Have Called Ms Cleo” has one of the record’s worst moments on it when Frankie croons “…So won’t you go for a ride?” in some subpar spoken word delivery. No Frankie, I will never, in dreams or reality, go for a ride.
Overall, if you listened to Emmure’s newer albums and were disappointed by the mediocrity, and you thought that they might have actually had some good ideas in their early days, don’t give Emmure the benefit of the doubt and pick up this album. It’s laced with unnecessary breakdowns and awful screamed and spoken vocals. In my opinion, it’s almost as if these guys don’t even try to make unique music. It isn’t even fun to listen to either when a breakdown is getting shoved down your throat every 30 seconds. If you're looking for a fun metal album with breakdowns, go for As Blood Runs Black’s
Allegience. If you are looking for something to get your "bro" on with, go pick up something by For The Fallen Dreams. If you're looking for something innovative that pushes boundaries, why would you even look here? Skip this album.
OVERALL RATING: 1.5/5
