Review Summary: "Parody-metal" never sounded so good.
"Hello there. I'm the Govenator, also known as the gummy bear of Candy Cornia.
First off, I'd like to implement new rules. There must be a new gym in every city of the great state of California. It'll be called “25 hour fitness” - for one extra hour of WORKING OUT!!!!!
Anyway, here in my home city, I've been able to find some wonderful musicians with whom I will present my music to the masses. Some of you know my movies with stunning images and powerful emotions portrayed by none other than me, Mr. Universe, and the greatest actor in the world. I will now attempt a recorded audio format to communicate some of the deep feelings I had while filming the classics, like Kindergarten Cop, the Terminator, Total Recall and THE TERMINATOR!!!!
Thank you for giving me your time, your clothes and your motorcycle.
Now listen up everyone! This next one's called...NYAAAAAAAHHHH!!!!!"
This statement – purportedly made by Ah-nold himself – both starts off and sets the concept for Austrian Death Machine’s debut album,
Total Brutal. You see, the gimmick here is that Schwarzie has started a band with Tim Lambesis, of As I Lay Dying, and this is supposed to be their recorded “band practice”. That concept explains the huge amount of talking going on between the “real” songs, but is belied by the powerful, clear production, which could never have been attained straight from the mixing board.
Now, if you don’t like the concept, you probably won’t like this album, since it is entirely dominated by it. Look at the song titles, for example.
Get to The Choppa, rings a bell? What about
Come With Me If You Want To Live,
You Have Just Been Erased or – personal favorite –
It’s Not a Tumor? That’s right, almost every song is named after one of the most emblematic/cheesy Arnold lines. All that’s missing is a track named
I’ll Be Back – and it’s so much of a no-brainer, it’s surprising how Tim didn’t think of it!
The exception are the skits, which all have names like
What It’s Like To Be a Singer at Band Practice or
Broo-Tal Song Idea and which basically just highlight the excellent Ah-nold impersonator Lambesis got for this project.
And therein lies the first problem of this album. You see, there are 17 songs listed, but literally half of them – including the
(Not So) Hidden Track - just feature a few seconds of “Arnold” talking about something before moving on to the next song. And while they may be mildly amusing at first, they quickly become grating. In short, this could have been a ten-album track, with maybe the intro setting the mood, but with much less talking and much more action, much like the Governator’s movies themselves.
But what of the songs themselves? Well, apart from the ridiculous concept and lyrics, they’re pretty good. The base for ADM’s sound is 80’s thrash metal, with fast drum patterns and shredding, Slayeresque solos. A few breakdowns are also in order – Tim Lambesis
is a member of As I Lay Dying, after all. Most songs will start with a heavy riff, then segue into an “atmospheric” section, usually with Arnold repeating the line that titles the song. However, they all manage to sound unique, mostly because certain songs feature touches of other genres, such as the Fear Factory-esque chorus on
I Am a Cybernetic Organism… or the rock’n’roll groove of
Screw You (Benny). Overall, pretty good stuff…if we forget the lyrics.
And that’s another particular aspect of this album. Listening to the lyrics, one gets the idea that Lambesis is not only poking fun at Ah-nold, but also at metalheads in general. With lyrical luminaries such as
”how ‘bout this one/how about this one/rubber baby buggy bumpers/rubber baby buggy bumpers, yeahhhh” spouted over huge thrashing riffs, he seems to be implying that metal fans will listen to
anything, as long as it sounds br00tal. This impression is furthered on
Broo-tal Song Idea, where Arnie’s imagined title, while ridiculous, does indeed sound like it might make for a nice metal track.
As for the concept, while it’s fun at first, it pretty much runs its course about halfway through. By
Who Is Your Daddy, And What Does He Do? – another great title – we have stopped finding it funny, although we stick with the record because of the good riffs and huge rhythms, all played by Lambesis himself. Somewhat pedestrian songs like the aforementioned
Who Is Your Daddy… and subsequent
You Have Just Been Erased don’t help much, either, although the latter does give us a nice semi-shredding guitar lead.
Fortunately, the album picks up again towards the end, delivering a clear standout on the amazing
It’s Not a Tumor – a song nearly as good as opener
Get To The Choppa, and just as funny. Together with the sweet melodic chorus on
I Am a Cybernetic Organism…, these tracks complete the trio of standouts for ADM’s first opus. However, nearly every song manages to attain a certain (high) level of quality, making for an eminently listenable album. I could have done without the skits and the occasional, more pedestrian song. But overall ADM has passed my quality test, and I am awarding it the 4 it deserves. With a few tweaks, it could have been a 4.5, but let that be a lesson to Lambesis when it comes to making the next album for this humorous side-project.
”You’re an IDJIOT!!!!”
Recommended Tracks
Get To The Choppa
I Am a Cybernetic Organism...
It's Not a Tumor
