Review Summary: AIDS for the soul.
Okay, so from this band's MySpace profile, I have a hunch that they're going to be bad, but I have to go into this review with an open mind. I'm gonna do a track by track review, so you can get a real-time review of sorts. Let’s go!
Track 1.
Okay, this starts off sounding like a bad Lil Jon track, till the guy comes in and starts screaming. What have I let myself in for? The synths are repetitive and boring, and the beats sound like a 5 year old retard’s attempt to make crunk music. Not a good start. But I will soldier on, in the name of good Sputnik readers everywhere.
Track 2.
This track is called "Bree Bree". Hopefully this is some kind of parody? A joke maybe? Oh god no. Oh no. The lead singer sounds like he's being raped by a pig. The beat sounds like a Soulja Boy B-side. Unfortunately, there is now "T-Pain auto-tune" singing thrown in the mix, just for good measure. How out of tune can this guy be for him to be singing what could only be four notes with autotune? WOW. They broke into a short rendition of Busta Rhymes' "Make it Clap". 'Nuff said. This song makes me sad for humanity. They thought it would be smart to throw in some xylophone into the mix. Why? What was the need for this????? I better think of something positive to say, as not to be biased. ... ... Nope. Can't think of it.
Track 3
Maybe things will look up on this track. Gotta keep positive! Nope. Not a chance. This sounds like wiL Francis gone crunk, with him trying to scream. No, it's worse than that. It's so bad, it made my dad actually run away from the computer in a mixture of fear and disgust. Have I mentioned the lyrics yet? Let me just give you a sampler:
"Drink up, drunk slut, you catch up. I'm too ***ed up to stand up. I don't drink to impress myself. I drink to wake up in your girlfriends house. And when I wake up in her bed. I tell that bitch to give me head. I make her lick my penis up and down, up and down..."
Impressive. They managed to rhyme bed and head.
Track 4
Starts off with white noise. Could this be the turning point? Could they turn into some virtuoso musicians crafting a mixture of prog, punk, and trip hop to create an innovative new sound? No, they're still crap. It seems like they have hired a canary to whistle for them on this song. God, that canary must be so ashamed. On a brighter note, the screaming guy has become so bad, he is now unintelligible. Huzzah! Couldn't this band at least afford a better drum machine or something? Like seriously, Logic Studio. Not hard.
Track 5
Who is this person, and why are they trying to rap? It's almost as if they are trying to insult me with their flow, if you could call it that. To be fair, the production isn't shockingly awful for an EP. I'm just browsing around some of their videos on Youtube, and laughing at the comments. It's just an example of how society has crumbled recently. I mean for God's sake, can't you type properly? Sorry, went off topic. Back to the music...
Track 6
Oh wow. They have now attempted to make a new version of "SexyBack" by Justin Timberlake, with screamo. Honestly, when they made this song, did they think that this would get played in clubs or something? I mean, forgetting musical integrity, if they wanted to make money, why not take out the screamed vocals or something. Then it would have been merely poor instead of awful. On the previous song, one of the band members boasted about being rich. Unless he has some kind of inheritance stashed away somewhere, or he moonlights as a male prostitute, there is no chance of that happening.
Track 7
Nearing the finish now, and it couldn't have come sooner. Wow, this actually sounds a tad better. Still awful, but not as bad as before. And then the screaming/raped guy comes in. I'm guessing this is supposed to be the ballad of the album, and it seems to be the highlight. It's got an annoying chirpy melody line, which could potentially get stuck in a few people's heads. The bass-line is awful though. No originality, no verve, nothing. But then again, what did I expect?
Track 8
The final track is tentatively named "Sex Toyz". This is just hilarious. And I quote:
"Damn right ho, you're so sleazy; You give me the Heebie-Jeebies, you make my pee-pee hard, you make my pee-pee hard." That's just a summation of their aim with this album. They have tried, (and failed miserably) to make mindless party music. The only thing I can give them credit for is for the fact that they have tried to be different. But Hitler tried to be different, and he doesn't exactly go down well in history, does he?
Well, it's over. 24 minutes and 34 seconds of pure agony. I tried, and I mean really tried to listen to this album with a balanced and fair perspective, and while I may have failed on that front, I feel like it was justified. In all honesty, this album has made me lose faith in not just the current hip-hop scene, or the current screamo scene, but in most forms of art. That includes drama, paintings, photography...***, even interpretive dance! I implore you, with all of my heart, do not buy this album. Do not listen to this album. People like this should be stopped from ruining the music scene with mindless misogynistic lyrics and awful, awful beats. Please?
