Louis XIV
The Best Little Secrets Are Kept



by FrddyBrnRgrJhn USER (12 Reviews)
June 17th, 2005 | 27 replies

Release Date: 2005 | Tracklist

Somewhere between the orgasm sounds, smutty lyrics, and sweeping orchestral symphonies, you realize that this fresh punk trio out of San Diego has created something purely genius. Listening to this collection of raw rock 'n' roll tunes conjures up memories of T. Rex, The Rolling Stones, and AC/DC. Even the lyrics, "Bang a gong, let's get it on" (Paper Doll) and "Suicide right on the stage" (Hey Teacher), do much more than just pay tribute to the original punks of rock 'n' roll.

But don't be fooled by the classic rock sound, this is not something you want to play for your parents. If the naked woman on the cover wasn't a tip-off that Louis XIV never once thinks about the progress of women's rights, the first single off this album is a big enough clue. With misogynistic lyrics like "It's the girl in the front with the tight pants that I really wanna shake up" and "Wind you up and make you crawl to me, tie you up until you call to me," it's a suprise this song made it onto the radio, let alone an album completely free of parental advisory labeling (there IS a copy of this CD with a parental advisory label on the front, but this is only due to dirtier album artwork).

Louis XIV - 5/5
For a suprising intro to a punk album, Louis XIV starts out with a string arrangment before blasting into pure, raw punk rock 'n' roll. Using witty references to political and popular culture ("I might swipe your identity" and "I'm a weapon of mass destruction") as clever metaphors and disses, this song shows right away that these guys aren't concerned about appeal. The raw instrumentation and vocals obviously have had little or no studio editing, and the rest of the album only gets more raw.

Finding Out True Love is Blind - 3.5/5
This song is the one weak point on the album. It's an unsure blend of radio friendly female pop vocals and crude slurs ("Chocolate girl, you're lookin like somethin I want", "Carrot juice, I wanna squeeze you all the way until you bleed"). It's evident that if there was ever a song on the album where things were cleaned up to sound more pop-friendly, this would be it. I just have no clue why they chose one of the crudest and most offensive songs to clean up.

Paper Doll - 5/5
And the hand claps are introduced. If there's one thing the guys in Louis XIV love more than sex, it's hand claps. With a nice uplifting riff reminescant of 60s Brit Rock in the background, there's a good 3 1/2 minutes to focus on the clever lyrics about kinky sex.

God Killed the Queen - 4.5/5
This wouldn't be a tip of the hat to The Sex Pistols' "God Save the Queen", would it" They manage to resurect Nevermind the Bullocks in their ability to create a lot with little, musically speaking. Where they fail is in the lyrics. It's never really clear whether this song is trying to be a political statement, pure nonsense, or 3 minutes of sex like just about every other Louis XIV song.

A Letter to Dominique - 5/5
Marc Bolan would be proud. The falsetto buildups and string arrangments perfectly match classics like "Dandy in the Underworld" without completely ripping off T. Rex. The lyrics get fairly depressing if you open up your ears to them. If they're not writing songs about sex, they're writing songs about murder. Remind me again why there was no parental advisory label...

Illegal Tender - 5/5
One of the best songs on the album. The song opens to an intricate hand clap, almost like something two 3rd grade girls might think up. That elementary school approach is soon left behind in the dust as soon as a bass riff mimicking AC/DC's "Big Balls" comes in. The lyrics are on the same level as "Big Balls", only a little less humerous. The campy spirit is still there, however, and makes this song shine.

Pledge of Allegiance - 5/5
"Can you keep a secret" Cuz the best little secrets are kept. And you're my best little secret yet." This song needs only one word to describe it. Dirty. Sure that word describes the rest of this album, but this song is the dirtiest of the dirty. Musically, like every other song, it's great! Lyrically, it's great! That is if adultery's a good subject in your mind.

Hey Teacher - 4/5
The intro's great! Very "Tenement Lady"esque. The rest of the song can get kind of old, but it's still a great song. Among the rest of the classics on The Best Little Secrets Are Kept, Hey Teacher doesn't stand out as much, but it's still good.

All the Little Pieces - 5/5
Finally Louis XIV mellow out a bit, slow down, and take the smut out of their lyrics. This is a very nice ballad, starting out with a nice piano intro and building up into a great song to play for the parents (finally!)

Ball of Twine - 5/5
A perfect conclusion to a perfect album. They take the same mellow spirit of All the Little Pieces and bring it together with their classic sound into a nice guitar ballad. The song then turns into a mellower version of everything heard before. Again, a safe song to play around parents, teachers, little kids, whatever.

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user ratings (44)

Comments:Add a Comment 
June 17th 2005


They're not "fresh," they're not "punk," and they definately, definately aren't "genius". Those "clever metaphors and disses" could easily have been conceived by a neandrathal(sp?). They're more like Jet than T. Rex.This Message Edited On 06.17.05

June 17th 2005


okay thats cool. i know a lotta people who can't stand them, so i totally understand. it's an "aquired" taste (as much as i hate that term). maybe its a taste only neanderthals aquire, but whatever.

June 17th 2005


Album Rating: 2.0

This is actually a pretty good review, nice work.

Unfortunately you're way off with some of your comments, and certainly the rating is unjustified. A pinnacle of the genre? An album any music fan should own? A record which could make someone who hates the genre turn around? Hardly.

I've seen them play live, and I've heard the album. You know when a musical fad comes along, and there are some great bands, a whole pile of mediocre followers, and then utter tripe? Guess where these guys fit in.


Well put together review though, even if I wholeheartedly disagree with your opinion.This Message Edited On 06.17.05

June 18th 2005


This has to be the most biased review I've seen here in a long time... Which is a problem, as an uber-biased review does not really help anyone.

It would be great it if you would rework your review a bit. A bit more objective would be great

June 18th 2005


Wait wait wait. I'm fine with you disagreeing with the review. I'm fine with you hating the band. But don't call the review biased. Isn't biase supposed to play into a review? Isn't that the point of a review, for someone to tell you what they think about something? I wasn't going to lie in it! I wasn't going to say "I hate Louis XIV". If you want to make your own review insulting them, make it! But don't insult my review for being "biased".

June 18th 2005


Biased is fine. Yours is extremely biased.

It wasn't an insult, it was a suggestion for future reviews.

June 18th 2005


Well, that the personal view of the reviewer plays into the review itself is obvious, and not avoidable. But the way your formulate and write... it has the touch of 'fanboy-ism'.

It was just a suggestion. Such very-biased reviews are very likely to get you some bashing feedback.

June 18th 2005


Yup I know. Suggestion taken, it's just hard to be objective, just about everything I listen to I have some degree of feeling for, so I tend to be way too nice in my comments. Now if "Get Rich or Die Trying" hasn't been reviewed yet, I'm more than happy to diss some music!

Storm In A Teacup
September 30th 2005


This band is an insult to the music industry itself, I can't believe it gets played all the time at my Guitar Center.

October 1st 2005


I heard one of their songs yesturday. It was very trite and insipid and sounded like anything else thats comming out today in this genre.

February 5th 2006


Album Rating: 3.0

I agree with a few of your track reviews, but i think towards the end, this album gets a tad worn. There was no need to slow it down, the final tracks are way too much of a contrast to the first half. Oh, and my copy does have a parental advisory label on it, in case anyone cares!

July 20th 2006


I like a few tracks on it, but it's pretty much a gimmick

Good review, Biased, but good.

October 14th 2006


Album Rating: 2.5

Ooh. Yeah definitely biased, but good. This isn't for you if you're an intellectual and you like depth to your music. This is simple-simple lyrics, simple tunes, simple drum beats etc. But, if you just want a bit of a dance along, you may find something good here.

November 2nd 2006


Bah my sister likes these guys.
I think they are horrid

September 13th 2007


Album Rating: 2.5

Haha, everytime i've heard these guys im always trying to make out the lyrics rather than properly listening to the actual songs.

Digging: Julien Baker - Turn Out The Lights

September 14th 2007


Album Rating: 1.0

This band is quite horrible.

May 8th 2008


Terrible album/band, a disgrace to all forms of music

December 24th 2009


How is Finding Out True Love is Blind a weak point? That's one of the only tracks I can listen to...

February 14th 2010


i like this.

February 14th 2010



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