Metal Subgenres Ranked and Rated
Objectively speaking |
| 1 |  | Suicide Silence
The Cleansing
Deathcore - Like death metal but with siqq-ass breakdowns and fans who shower more than once a week. Fun scene merch and brings the mosh, the GOAT genre
11/10 piq squeals |
| 2 |  | Attack Attack! (US)
Someday Came Suddenly
Trancecore - a reaction to the overly serious 'core of the early 2000s that was obsessed with appealing to aging gothenburg crusties and pantera dads. Trance music is cool, but you know what it could use? SOME FUKKEN SIQQ BREAKDOWNS D00D
10/10 synth breakdownz |
| 3 |  | Morbid Angel
Abominations of Desolation
Death Metal - blast beats, brings the mosh, v good album art, but lack of breakdowns, a generally unattractive fanbase, and In Flames' newer stuff cost DM some points
9.5/10 pairs of camo shorts that will never be washed |
| 4 |  | Body Count
Manslaughter
Rap Metal - it's rap! it's metal! that's pretty neat! some overlap with #5 on the list, but the distinction matters to some ppl
9/10 frosted tips |
| 5 |  | Korn
Life Is Peachy
Nu Metal - sick fashion sense, a ton of bounce, kinda like alt-met*l without all the flannel and crying about record labels. can be blasted to upset "real M*talheads"
9/10 pairs of tripp pants |
| 6 |  | Ministry
The Mind Is a Terrible Thing to Taste
Industrial Metal - Yo what if we took thrash metal and added a bunch of distortion and siqq techno beats? also fat goth girls like this stuff, which is tight
8/10 trench coats shoplifted from DSW |
| 7 |  | Lamb of God
Sacrament
early 2000s 'core AKA "new wave of american heavy metal" AKA nu metal bands that copped some gothenburg riffs - a lot of this stuff sounds samey to me, they all kind of exist on a spectrum in between Pantera and At The Gates. Ferret had some cool bands during this time i guess?
7/10 in flames mp3s downloaded from kazaa |
| 8 |  | Tool
Lateralus
Prog Metal - some of it's cool, some of it's dumb, maynard is a cop, idk
6/10 times maynard's peed his pants on stage without anyone knowing |
| 9 |  | Eluveitie
Evocation I: The Arcane Dominion
Folk Metal - fun to listen to, but when something is too dorky even for m*tal nerds, you gotta keep liking that shit on the DL. Germany does this shit real good
5/10 renaissance fair lamb shanks |
| 10 |  | Paradise Lost
Shades of God
Goth Metal - A lot of goth metal evolved from early death-doom (which is why it's really slow and kind of sucks). Sentenced is ok i guess.
4/10 lace hankerchiefs wept into |
| 11 |  | The Atlas Moth
A Glorified Piece of Blue Sky
Post Metal - More like post-interesting, am i right? stop trying to remake Define The Great Line as a grose neckbeard classic
1/10 capsules of ambien |
| 12 |  | Judas Priest
Screaming for Vengeance
Dinosaur Metal - It's good, it's ok, kinda cheesy, but it was the 80s or whatever. They sure did inspire a lot of stupid bullshit nowadays tho :(
5/10 cum-stained vhs copies of Wayne's World |
| 13 |  | Bell Witch
Four Phantoms
Doom Metal - zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz i'd rather die than listen to another group of williamsburg hipster who just discovered black sabbath in 2015
3.5/10 gaudy cross pendants bought from party city |
| 14 |  | Fu Manchu
King of the Road
Stoner Metal - see above only now they want to be black sabbath covering foo fighters BARF
3/10 pairs of acid wash jeans |
| 15 |  | Mayhem
De Mysteriis Dom Sathanas
Black Metal - a bunch of europeans nerds who may or may not be (but probably are) nazis, larping as kiss while playing shitty punk riffs? with production that sounds like they plugged their guitars into an actual wet turd? poopy, poopy stuff
0/10 wet dreams involving frodo |
| 16 |  | Xentrix
For Whose Advantage?
Thrash Metal - this stuff exists, i'm aware of it. I don't really think about it too much. There are some good bands, but i feel like anyone who extensively follows thrash is probaby not someone i want hang out with, ya know?
1/10 steel reserves crushed on a tuesday night before clocking in at home depot |
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