User
Reviews 1 Approval 100%
Album Ratings 24 Objectivity 45%
Last Active 11-19-10 4:40 pm Joined 11-19-10
Review Comments 106
| Sputnik Profiles: Sea/satellite
Going to do two anonymous user submitted ones today. Eric, I did not write yours nor did I have anything to do with the score, although I find your 7.4 quite humorous. Someone provided most of the material for Sattys but was too fucking lazy to write it out, so I helped with that part, which I won't do again. | 1 | | Neutral Milk Hotel In the Aeroplane Over the Sea
Strengths: Being a pretty nice guy and a competent reviewer, with good taste to boot. Loyal and literate, user SeaAnemone almost always acts with good intentions. His greatest power, however, takes after the squishy invertebrate that is his namesake. Often the first to defend any of his many friends, once Eric sees an enemy, he promptly engages in a stalwart defense, bitterly stinging any and all adversaries with an array of poisonous verbal nematocysts he has grown over the years. Once this mechanism is engaged, Sea rarely relents until the threat has either passed or passed away. Overall, the users within his friend circle often find great solace and comfort in his words, and a welcome home within the heart of the SeaAnemone. | 2 | | The National Boxer
Weaknesses: Despite all his formidable strengths, user SeaAnemone seems to be one of the users most vulnerable to trolling. As soon as his defenses are activated, Sea enters a state of perpetual seriousness, and often stubbornly refuses to acknowledge any traces of facetiousness or sarcasm in his perceived adversaries, no matter how blatant they may be. Many a lol-seeking troll has wandered into the den of the SeaAnemone in hopes of inciting an irritated response, perhaps the reason user SeaAnemone evolved in such a manner to begin with. | 3 | | Dangers Anger
Posting Tendencies: The SeaAnemones musical diet consists mostly of Indie, Post-Rock, and Emo, but he has been known to occasionally indulge in various other genres, as long as they are easily digestible and to his liking. As one of the nice-guys of Sputniks upper echelons, Sea can even be found wandering into unfamiliar musical territory to comment in characteristic seriousness in the reviews of fellow users. His natural habitat, however, lies in the threads of users he has befriended, especially those of the staff members he almost continuously fellates with his many soft organelles. | 4 | | Frightened Rabbit The Midnight Organ Fight
Famous For: Being a generally agreeable higher-up, getting very upset over clearly petty disputes long after the concerned parties have resigned, and the sheer amount of effort he puts into nearly everything he does. As anyone who has read one of his posts can attest, Sea has a penchant for trying so hard and being so serious almost all of the time that his prose exudes a nearly visible aura of superiority and unwavering righteousness. Hes also rumored to be pretty good-looking and athletic, even model-status. | 5 | | Elliott Smith Elliott Smith
Overall Sputnik Score: 7.4 out of 10, or In Sputnik terms, somewhere above great, but not quite excellent. TheAnalyzer believes SeaAnemone is a well-rounded and much-adored user who plays an integral part in the Sputnik community, but should probably lighten up a bit, and not be so quick to go on the defensive. | 6 | | The Hold Steady Boys and Girls in America
Satellite is one of Sputnik's more amicable users (most of the time), and excels highly at positioning himself as the Godfather of all things punk related. Satellite has no known enemies and has proven to be exceedingly knowledgeable in the arenas of punk rawk and Hardcore. An avid Sports fan, Satellite rarely fails to remind us that he was a totally awesome baseball player back in his day and can hold his own in any sports conversation. He is also an highly skilled member of the restaurant service industry, and is the literal blueprint of the server cliche (ie he shows up drunk, takes smoke breaks to bake up, has probably banged at least 4 hostesses, yet still manages to get good enough tips to support himself through college and has managed to not get fired yet.) Overall, Satellite is a stand-up dude and of one Sputnik's most liked users. | 7 | | Bomb the Music Industry! Goodbye Cool World
Weaknesses: While Satellite is amicable to most polished users, he has a tendency to lapse into douche mode similar to Qwe when addressing new users, attempting to assert some authority as a Sputnik elder. Satellite also has a penchant for masochism, as noted by his love of the worst football franchise in the past 25 years, and the extremely questionable decision to be a Vegan, something that makes the Analyzer suspect his sexuality as a whole. Also, despite numerous false promises to do so, the user Satellite has yet to post a review despite bragging incessently about his writing skills that no one knows about nor can confirm, although it most certainly will be a fap fest over some obscure punk band that only he, Kirgasm, and Evedder give a shit about. | 8 | | Elliott Smith XO
Posting Tendencies: Satellite is such a raging BTMI! fanboy that even with the off chance he was banging Scarlett Johannesen and Zoey Deschanel in an array of Vegan approved tofu and pouring Soy Milk all over their tits, if someone posted anything in a BTMI! thread he would literally bolt away from their sweaty, naked, writhing bodies to post in some banal, fanboyish way. Satellite can be seen on virtually any punk, Hold Steady, or Hardcore thread on Sputnik, and tends to stalk both punk related and his bro's lists. Will also join any sports related thread to brag about the Detroit Tigers, since they are the only team he likes that even has a remote chance for any type of respectability. | 9 | | The Clash London Calling
Famous For: incessantly recommending obscure punk bands and introducing the site to bands like the Menzingers and The State Lottery, being a raging BTMI! fanboy and being voted the site's punk rock authority, working in the food industry yet still maintaining Vegan Status, being a bleeding heart liberal, being a quasi hipster but still managing to be cool, totally fucking around during his late teen years and only starting college at the age of 23, being an overall awesome Sputnik user. | 10 | | The State Lottery When the Night Comes
Score: 8.5. Satellite has few weaknesses aside from associating himself with hippies and having questionable sports related loyalties. His knowledge of the punk genre is almost unrivaled on Sputnik, and he consistently provides strong recommendations to virtually anyone that cares to listen. He should probably get off his ass and write this "review" he's been promising like it was the 2nd coming of Christ, but until then Satellite will continue to instill himself among the Sputnik elite. | |
TheAnalyzer
12.17.10 | The public speaks again. | Masochist
12.17.10 | Both Satellite and Sea are among my favorite users (Satty, especially). But the word, oh public writer, is spelled "Masochism," and the acronymn is BTMI! (not BMTI).
Good shit; both quality users. | BallsToTheWall
12.17.10 | I approve. Didn't realize Sea was such a high maintenance fella. | TheAnalyzer
12.17.10 | Thanks Masochist, I suppose you would know how to spell that.
Balls - that surprises you? | BallsToTheWall
12.17.10 | Guess I never witnessed his diva like antics. Hand him a snickers and he should be fine. | SlowBoristheBlade
12.17.10 | Yeah, he has a tendency to take things way too seriously. | Slum
12.17.10 | 7.4 is pretty low tbh | Emim
12.17.10 | lol
Bring Me the Industry! | Inveigh
12.17.10 | lol Emim that's what I was thinking too
this were good reads, and obvs I got love for Satty. Sea's score does seem a little low, considering how prolific of a reviewer he is, and the fact that he's introduced sputnik to some cool bands (or at least me, like Thoats and A Bunny's Caravan). oh well | TheAnalyzer
12.17.10 | Yeah even I would have given him a higher score, but that is what was submitted. | Emim
12.17.10 | I used to think they were the same person. Sat's cool though. | DiceMan
12.17.10 | Someone missed adding that Sea sometimes likes to attentionwhore to his weaknesses. | Sowing
12.17.10 | i actually think sea is one of the less serious users - i mean sure, his comments usually pertain to something on topic, but he is also always the one telling people it is just sputnik and to go get a life | Gorification
12.17.10 | lol this was a good one | omnipanzer
12.17.10 | very good | bloc
12.17.10 | Sea is the worst. | BigHans
12.17.10 | Bloc Im waiting for someone to write one on you. | bloc
12.17.10 | I am a bit curious myself. | BigHans
12.17.10 | Tell Dev to do it. He's like an contributor and shit. | wyankeif1337
12.17.10 | this is much better than the last one. i chuckled to myself a few times. | alachlahol
12.17.10 | deleting posts most impolite | Maniac!
12.17.10 | Still writing Feit's | BigHans
12.17.10 | get it done Brandon. Alachlahol, dont worry about it, and be nice to Satty. | Maniac!
12.17.10 | Don't rush me | BigHans
12.17.10 | Don't rush me
^ IVE MADE THAT MISTAKE BEFOREEEEEEEE. Great 80's pop song. | omnipanzer
12.17.10 | What it must be like inside your head... not in a million years would that song have come to mind for
me LOL | BigHans
12.17.10 | Are you referring to me referencing an obscure Taylor Dane song Onmipanzer? | omnipanzer
12.17.10 | Yes ;^) | EVedder27
12.17.10 | "a fap fest over some obscure punk band that only he, Kirgasm, and Evedder give a shit about."
That is so true.
Two of sputnik's greatest users analyzed here | BigHans
12.17.10 | lol Mike I added that part myself. | Counterfeit
12.17.10 | Sea's was kinda bad. I never sea that side of him. | Counterfeit
12.17.10 | Sattys ruled.
Maniac get that shit done come on bro | BigHans
12.17.10 | H To the Izzo | Inveigh
12.17.10 | V To the Izzay | BigHans
12.17.10 | INveigh you were supposed to let Feit finish that, he'll be mad now. | Counterfeit
12.17.10 | for sheezy my neezy used to dribble down in va | Counterfeit
12.17.10 | "he who does not feel me is not real to me
Therefore he doesn't exist
So poof
vamoose son of a bitch"
^i live by that line | Satellite
12.17.10 | haha, that was a very fair analysis. | pizzamachine
12.17.10 | "Many a lol-seeking troll"
lol | Satellite
12.17.10 | "Will also join any sports related thread to brag about the Detroit Tigers, since they are the only team he likes that even has a remote chance for any type of respectability."
hey hey hey, i'm also a red wings fan. | Apollo
12.17.10 | Satty rules, Sea not so much. This was much much better than yesterday. | BigHans
12.17.10 | Satty you cant like BTMI! more than Hold Steady right? Amirite? plz tell me Im right. | Satellite
12.17.10 | both are in my top 5. | BigHans
12.17.10 | Good | Cavs
12.17.10 | what the hell is this shit?
| AggravatedYeti
12.17.10 | eric 10/10. | Winsomniac
12.17.10 | Lol these are pretty silly | BigHans
12.17.10 | KILL do one on Sonic | BigHans
12.17.10 | what about Johnny420666fuck yeah dude | Enotron
12.17.10 | the people who troll sea usually end up looking more pathetic then him, specifically the whole tmf vendetta against him | Counterfeit
12.17.10 | i have no vendetta luv u sea | BigHans
12.17.10 | Its all in good fun Eno, Sea trolls us (or at least me) right back. I call it a gentlemenly skirmish. | Enotron
12.17.10 | i suppose.
i suppose its more the lakes/rosaparks thing if anything | BigHans
12.17.10 | we all can't believe it Sonic | patroneyes
12.17.10 | "especially those of the staff members he almost continuously fellates with his many soft organelles." | Deathcar
12.18.10 | These are very good, though Sea's rating is too low. Also, if Satty does finally post a review of an obscure punk band, i'll probs join the fap fest. | crazyblinddude
12.18.10 | Haha great read. Both these guys are some of my favorite users. | Satellite
12.18.10 | i'll have a review done by the end of the break, guys. serious this time. | Winsomniac
12.18.10 | Yeah Sea's rating is a bit low. I probably would have given him some bonus points for making me think of Finding Nemo whenever I see one of his posts. | Irving
12.18.10 | Hahahahhaha nice! | ShadowRemains
12.21.10 | "Satellite has few weaknesses aside from associating himself with hippies and having questionable sports related loyalties."
lol | Satellite
12.21.10 | some of the best vegan-bashing i've ever received is in this list. | spillingmercury
12.21.10 | "Satellite is such a raging BTMI! fanboy that even with the off chance he was banging Scarlett Johannesen and Zoey Deschanel in an array of Vegan approved tofu and pouring Soy Milk all over their tits, if someone posted anything in a BTMI! thread he would literally bolt away from their sweaty, naked, writhing bodies to post in some banal, fanboyish way."
Analyzer should write vegan porn. | bungy
12.22.10 | jeez eric you have a lot of improving to do, one day you'll be a great user. | stranger
06.02.11 | fags | Satellite
06.02.11 | "totally fucking around during his late teen years and only starting college at the age of 23"
actually i just took a year off after hs, then went to a community college for 2 years, then took another year off before getting my associates, then transferred to "real" college | Satellite
06.02.11 | *associate's derp | qwe3
09.03.13 | Hey why's mine's comments closed | BigHans
02.10.14 | RIP Satty | mryrtmrnfoxxxy
02.10.14 | bring analyzer back | BigHans
02.10.14 | dude I dont pay near enough attention anymore to do it right. | mryrtmrnfoxxxy
02.10.14 | did u lose your reading glasses | BigHans
02.10.14 | yeah but besides that | climactic
02.10.14 | omg good old days | Satellite
02.12.14 | i'm not dead
also i eat mean now | BigHans
02.12.14 | SATTY | Dunpeal
02.12.14 | i hate when all that toe jam builds up on ur mousepad | MO
02.12.14 | fuckin m/ | climactic
02.12.14 | rip | BigHans
02.12.14 | Satty is it true? You're eating meat? Are you all growns up? Holy shit I'm way happier about this than I should be. | fr33convict
02.12.14 | Man. Good times. Also SATTY [2] | Satellite
02.12.14 | yeah hans the cuisine here is too good to resist just because of petty personal convictions. i'm far from grown up, though! | MusicTalent
02.12.14 | You seem like a nice man | BigHans
02.12.14 | Satty, describe the sensation the first time you bit into that tasty flesh from a fallen animal. | someguest
07.05.15 | WHERE IS OUR SAVIOR? | adr
07.05.15 | so shit lists were a thing in 2010 too i see | someguest
07.05.15 | yeah they existed before you could make 'em | Satellite
02.03.17 | 6+ years later and still not one review smd sputnik | Dewinged
02.03.17 | "he has a tendency to lapse into douche mode similar to Qwe when addressing new users" Naaah, Sat was always cool to me. Top user, always cracks me with his posts. | Cygnatti
02.03.17 | we needs moar sput profs | Satellite
02.03.17 | tbf i used to be way more of a dick and there used to be waaaaayyyyy shittier users | Satellite
02.03.17 | "introducing the site to bands like the Menzingers"
oh shit i did this, didn't i? back when they were a group of scrappy upstarts signed to red scare. ppl would've eventually discovered them w/o my intervention tho. | MO
02.03.17 | fuck this shits so classic. I was gonna bump the KILL one to initiate the noobs | Satellite
02.03.17 | i already did bump it :D
and yeah hans was spot-on with everyone's tendencies |
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