Butkuiss
This is literally the only website I\'ve read more than one person say I was an \"awful rapper\"
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Last Active 09-25-21 12:42 pm
Joined 09-19-10

Review Comments 6,946

 Lists
03.20.24 Hot Shingles In Your Area03.11.24 Sputlifts 5x5
02.28.24 The Lesser Hommeverse, ranked02.11.24 Overhated and underrated
02.07.24 Tradie Prog Classics01.31.24 Sputcore Showdown
01.27.24 When the blues briefly became funk01.15.24 Blue Note Style Artwork In Punk Albums
01.10.24 Discog Runs 202401.03.24 Discog Runs - Rec Thread
12.31.23 The New Year: Official 2024 Sputnik Edi12.22.23 Wtf digging is back?
12.10.23 Artists I done gone and seen 202312.06.23 Boot Americana and Hat Americana
11.15.23 Formative hip-hop10.25.23 Dire Straits, ranked
09.30.23 Thirteen years of sputnik09.22.23 Aussie Pub Rock: A Phylogenetic Guide
More »

Sputlifts 5x5

Comment your favourite gym albums and I’ll guess how jacked you are based entirely on your post history and my perception of you as a user.
1Hatebreed
Satisfaction Is The Death Of Desire
2Merauder
Master Killer
3The Acacia Strain
Wormwood
4Cold As Life
Born to Land Hard
5Biohazard
Urban Discipline
6Danzig
Danzig II: Lucifuge
7Rollins Band
The End of Silence
8Helmet
Strap It On
9Xibalba
Hasta La Muerte
10Extortion
Degenerate
11Unruh
Setting Fire to Sinking Ships
12Suffocation
Pierced from Within
13Meshuggah
Koloss
14Disembodied
Diablerie
15Deadguy
Fixation on a Coworker
16Strapping young lad
City

Slothcore Sam: The sort of fella who brings a camping chair to rest in between barbell sets — things started off good, but gradually the time between sets became longer and longer. Now a 3x5 takes 40 minutes, and your lifts, while respectable, have plateaued. Up the tempo, chief!
17Tom MacDonald
Deathreats

artificialbox: Gym cryptid: within the top 10% most jacked individuals at the local, but only goes down after 11pm, so not many people realise you’re lurking about. Removing points for the way you slap yourself and grunt before heavy sets to try and hype yourself up.
18Johnny Booth
Firsthand Accounts

bludngorevidal: Trains often enough that he takes it as a compliment that people ask if he goes to the gym — but it’d be more of a compliment if they didn’t have to ask, wouldn’t it?
19Loathe
I Let It In And It Took Everything

AnimalForce1: Super into bodyweight, calisthenics and plyometrics. Wiry strength, but needs to wear sleeveless shirts and shorts for anyone to realise. Skip the “cooldowns” and try some heavy squats instead.
20Arnold Schwarzenegger
Total Body Workout

el_newg: Recusing myself from this one, because the nuge will probably post pictures of me on my last bulk if I do them dirty
21Bolt Thrower
The IVth Crusade

botb: An oly lifting purist, botb scorns anyone who can’t execute a proper clean and jerk. Your strength is impressive, but you have underdeveloped biceps. Remember to try some hypertrophy work every now and then.
22The Gerogerigegege
Instruments Disorder

SomeCallMeTim: Has been following the same workout routine since 1991, wherein he puts his towel on the pec deck machine, his water bottle on shoulder press machine, and his keys on a bicep curl machine and supersets around his unholy circuit. You may be maintaining enough muscle mass to keep the partner happy (they don’t want you to get “too jacked”), but you’re pissing off everyone else in the gym. Update your routine, and focus on one exercise at a time.
23Autechre
Untilted

Avgantamos: Has never seen the inside of a gym, but is, in fact, a dedicated long-distance cyclist. I appreciate your dedication to your hobby, but please remember to use the cycle lane instead of the main roadway, and try not to get too close to my car when I’m driving to the muscle farm.
24Dyscarnate
With All Their Might

Dedes: Serious enough about lifting that he’s looked into SARMs, but not serious enough to actually take them. Throws in an inordinate amount of direct trap work in the hopes it’ll get people to question whether he’s natty or not anyway.
25Blood Stain Child
Epsilon

BallsToTheWalls: There’s an older Brazilian guy at my gym who I once saw doing heavy incline dumbbell with his phone unlocked under the bench, playing an Overwatch stream on YouTube, and Balls gives me the same vibe as this cat. Not beating the goofy allegations, but jacked enough you’ll never have to worry about anyone bringing them up either.
26Gorguts
Obscura

Tectactoe: the sort of gymgoer who is, against all odds, intimidatingly jacked in spite of their dogshite form. You could good morning your squats, bench with your ass up, deadlift with a back like a fishhook, and use more hip than bicep in your curls and I’d still be too scared to ask if you wanted help with your form.
27Onyx
Bacdafucup

PitchforkArms: Gave up lifting for BJJ, but could probably still rawdog a 100kg bench with no warm up if he had to. Will rant for hours about how Gracie Barra is a McDojo if you get him started. Listens to really punishing podcasts by guys like Jocko Willink and Andrew Huberman on his daily commute, and will probably tell you about that too.
28Sunami
Sunami EP

Sniff: Featherweight hardcore kid who started coming to the gym to “bulk up” for his amateur boxing debut. Only just realised covering his body in neotrad flash is going to affect muscle definition. I know you think it looks cool, but I hope you realise practicing jabs with a 2kg dumbbell in each hand does nothing for “conditioning”.
29Deftones
(Like) Linus

Cyg: You know those guys at the gym who go down the rabbit hole and have insanely strong lifts in one really arcane muscle group? That’s Cyg. He stopped getting a rush from squats, bench and deads years ago. Rows, military press and curls don’t do anything any more either. Olympic lifts are a lost cause. So instead, Cyg loads 60 or 70kg onto an EZ-curl bar, and reps out the most disgusting set of Skullcrushers you’ve ever seen. His triceps pulsate and glisten.
30Admiral Angry
Buster

Mort.: Approaches every workout wondering how Mike Israetel would structure it for optimum gains. Watches Alan Thrall videos to unwind. Constantly offering opinions on what stack other gymgoers are taking… and is convinced Tectactoe is on a combination of Dianabol and Winstrol. May or may not have sold Tectactoe the Dbol, but flatly denies supplying the winstrol.
31Immolation
Close to a World Below

Hyperion1001: Has a barbell and a rack at home. Only comes in to the gym to test 1rms. The 1rms are pretty good, too; acceptable form, and a certified member of the 1000lb club, but he never goes for higher volume in public. I wonder what he’s hiding?
32Maroon 5
Songs About Jane

Colton: Wears slides to the gym. Broccoli haircut. Enters my line of sight to take plates off the rack I’m using while I’m in the hole mid set. Doesn’t ask if I’m using the plates. Chews on a gold necklace while trying to grind through yet another 80kg bench 1rm attempt (he actually got the rep one time last year).
33Children of Bodom
Hate Crew Deathroll

Zac124: 100kg bench. 100kg squat. 100kg deadlift. Has never gone for more weight or more than five reps on these exercises, and never will. Slightly above average build, in that he looks fit without being particular muscular, and happy with that.
34Olivia Newton-John
Physical

Bellovddd: Suburban dad who hasn’t seen the inside of a gym since Saddam Hussein was a relevant force in international politics, but has calf muscles that the Bush administration would declare weapons of mass destruction in their own right. How does he maintain them? Fuck knows.
35Bruce Dickinson
The Chemical Wedding

Chemicalmarriage: You’ve started Starting Strength about fifty times in the last decade, but never made it to the end of a block. Every time you renew your membership, you’re determined it’s going to stick this time. A few weeks later, your membership is on pause again.
36tHIN
Dawn

Purpl3Spartan: Purp’s grasp on object permanence is questionable at best, because as far as they’re concerned, if they can’t see a muscle in the bathroom mirror, it doesn’t exist. Some decent pectoral, anterior deltoid, tricep, bicep and trap development overall, but you may want to gradually investigate bringing the leg press further than a couple of inches down on your next few reps, lest you become so top-heavy you topple over.
37Burzum
Det Som Engang Var

Budge: You’ve rocked up to the gym three evenings a week at 6pm sharp for the last decade, but the only time you’ve told anyone your name was when you were filling out the membership paperwork. You do some machines, some dumbbells, some cardio; enough to maintain a physique, and get out in under an hour. Other gym regulars greet you with a friendly raise of the eyebrows if they pass you in the street. Your quiet presence is such a given that the receptionist notices if you’re not in on evenings you usually would be, but they don’t know you well enough to ask where you’ve been when you come back.
38Lamb of God
Ashes of the Wake

FowlKrietzsche: After a less than successful stint with German Volume Training, you’ve now turned into one of those Mentzer guys, intent on proselytising the low volume good news to everyone in the gym you see doing more than ten reps per muscle group per workout by Airdropping them .txt files containing a single hyperlink to a “MENTZER WISDOM COMPILATION” on Vimeo. While your masochistic dedication to extreme post-failure repping is to be lauded, even in the face of using low-volume methodology to justify your inherent laziness, nobody’s quite had the heart to tell you the reason Mentzer was so jacked was because of all the anabolics he was pumping, and not his workout routine. Unfortunately, the scientific literature moved on from regarding LVHI training as being anywhere near optimal about thirty years ago.
39Impending Doom
Death Will Reign

Futures: You used to have a heap of friends at the gym. Then one winter, you bulked so hard that everyone stopped recognising you. Your voice dropped a full octave. Now you’re horrifyingly jacked, but at what cost? Everyone avoids eye contact as you walk past as a sign of respect. Sometimes you hear your old friends wonder where that funny Futures kid from a few years ago went. You know it’s pointless trying to convince them you never left.
40A Static Lullaby
Rattlesnake!

Storm: Storm is one of those guys with Big Man Strength. You know what I mean - abnormally large frame, incredibly wide shoulders, insane bone density. He’s not overly defined, but his absurdly favourable leverages mean he’s bouncing a six plate bench off his chest with ease. There’s a Ukrainian guy at my gym who comes in after a few beers sometimes to toss Atlas Stones around for fun, and I wouldn’t put it past Storm either. Just watch out for my toes, big guy!
41Decapitated
Nihility

MO: The only guy in the gym who still considers the Bent Press an essential exercise. It’d be quaint, if you weren’t bent pressing more than most patrons’ bench poundage. You’ve started dressing like an old-timey strongman, with one of those tiny moustaches to boot. You don’t bother deloading the bar or re-racking the weights when you’re done. You saunter out of the gym, content in the knowledge someone else will do it for you without complaint, just to confirm how much you were lifting.
42Crowbar
Broken Glass

DominionMM1: one time you watched a documentary on Westside. Now you do every set with chains on the bar. Your bench has not increased. You’ve developed such a reputation for making a racket the receptionist has started playing (Take These) Chains by Judas Priest whenever you walk in. You don’t notice it over the sound of chains rattling.
43Prurient
Frozen Niagara Falls

TheManMachine: You’ve never tried free weights because of the “potential for injury”, but one time you did a set of cable work and the sense of liberation was exhilarating. You were tingling for days after. Then the guilt set in. Now every time you walk past a pulley it’s a battle, but you’re glad you’ve left the wild abandon of your youth behind for the security of fixed plane exercises.
44Periphery
Periphery

Tundra: I’ve got two words for you: kettlebell guy. I believe you when you say you can do everything I can do with dumbbells and barbells, but better. I acknowledge your commitment to functional strength. I’ll still never be caught dead doing 10kg kettlebell swings in the middle of the free movement area, but you do you! At least it’s not CrossFit.
45Dredg
Leitmotif

WatchItExplode: Cardio royalty. Treadmill, cross trainer, stair master… you’ve done it all. You’re obsessed with high intensity interval training. You live life one beep test at a time. But one question remains: why do you drive to the gym just to run on the spot???
46Bolt Thrower
...For Victory

WretchedCacophony: What muscle group are you working out today? Doesn’t matter. Every day is jaw day with this cat. Bro is NOT beating the yapping allegations. Sir, are you still using the squat rack? I haven’t seen you do a rep in twenty minutes while you’ve been talking to Zac124. Oh, you are? Sure thing man, no worries. I’ll wait!
47LCD Soundsystem
45:33

Jash: Call this guy the gym ghost the way he haunts machines. Just started your set? Jash will be standing over you, asking how many more you have to go, because HE needs it. Working out stopped being a physical affair years ago. These days, he comes to the gym not to wage war on his body, but to wage psychological warfare against everyone else who comes here.
48Big Boi
Sir Lucious Left Foot

Havey: You’re serious about getting the most out of your workouts, and humble enough to admit what you don’t know, so you hire a personal trainer. A single workout is all it takes for you to remember how much you hate working out though. Your trainer has you saved in his contacts as “Thanksgiving” because you only come round once a year — it takes about that long for you to start romanticising getting in shape and forget how much you resent physical exertion again.
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