A Zappa List To Tickle Your Funny Bone
Hey! You know what's awesome? Frank Zappa! Yes, one of the most prolific, experimental, and straight up GENIUS artists to have ever lived. You know what's even better? Laughter! Yes, laughter! Like laughing at a clever anecdote or any movie with George Lopez (the only man to rival the genius of Zappa, coincidentally). So, here's the best of Zappa, with, the best Zappa jokes I could dig up from the ol' archives! Enjoy these gutbuster zingdoodles coming straight from my noggin'. |
| 1 |  | Frank Zappa and The Mothers of Invention
Absolutely Free
So, Youngster #1 walks up to Youngster #2 and asks, "Would you like to trade Pokemon?", to which Youngster #2 replies, "ABSOLutely!" |
| 2 | | Frank Zappa and The Mothers of Invention
We're Only In It For The Money
Why did Jerry Seinfeld voice act in "Bee Movie"? Because he was only in it for the HONEY! |
| 3 |  | Frank Zappa and The Mothers of Invention
Weasels Ripped My Flesh
What excuse did the little boy have for not turning in his homework? "Weasels ripped my flesh off!" |
| 4 |  | Frank Zappa and The Mothers of Invention
Over-nite Sensation
What do you call an evening with your mother? An Overnight sensation! |
| 5 |  | Frank Zappa and The Mothers of Invention
Freak Out!
What did Chris Benoit say before he killed his family? FREAK OUT! |
| 6 |  | Frank Zappa
Hot Rats
What is a rat's favorite game? Hide and SQUEEK! |
| 7 | | Frank Zappa
Apostrophe(')
Jim's grammar skills were so bad, they were an APOSTROPHE! |
| 8 |  | Frank Zappa
Lumpy Gravy
What do you call the ejaculate of an aging, over weight English man? LUMPY GRAVY! |
| 9 |  | Frank Zappa
Studio Tan
How do you make a duck into a soul singer? Put it in the microwave until its bill withers! |
| 10 |  | Frank Zappa and The Mothers of Invention
Uncle Meat
What did Dan tell his nephew to call him when they're alone? UNCLE MEAT! |
| 11 |  | Frank Zappa and The Mothers of Invention
Burnt Weeny Sandwich
So, Aneglo asks Pam, "Are you hungy?", to which she replies, "Starving!". So, Aneglo makes a phone call, and within the hour Burt Reynolds arrives. Pam asks, "Oh my God, BURT REYNOLDS! Why are you here?!" Burt proceeds to drop his pants and puts his penis in a hotdog bun. Angelo exclaims, "We're having BURT WEENY SANDWICHES for lunch today!" |
| 12 |  | Frank Zappa and The Mothers of Invention
One Size Fits All
So, Jean-Claude Van Damme is angry at his wife. In terror, she screams, "Stop! You can't hit a woman!", to which he replies, "Don't worry...one size fits all!", and then he punches her. HAR! |
| 13 | | Frank Zappa
Joe's Garage: Acts I, II, & III
I told a friend, "My uncle Joe spends all his time hanging out in the garage." "That's odd", he says. I reply, "Right? I didn't know he even knew how to make a noose!" |
| 14 | | Frank Zappa and The Mothers of Invention
Roxy & Elsewhere
What was the name of the book Briano Eno wrote about being on tour with Roxy Music? ROXY AND ELSEWHERE! BAH HAR! |
| 15 |  | Frank Zappa
The Grand Wazoo
What do the townsfolk call Timmy's whore mother's vagina? THE GRAND WAZOO! |
| 16 |  | Frank Zappa
You Are What You Is
YOU ARE WHAT YOU IS SO YOU'RE A DICK! |
| 17 |  | Frank Zappa
Waka/Jawaka
So, Bob Marley and Fozzie Bear are hanging out one day. Bob Marley turns to Fozzie and says, "Waka!", to which Fozzie Bear replies, "Whaaaaat?! Waka?!". Bob Marley replies, "JAH! WAKA!". And that is the story of how Fozzie Bear got his catch phrase and screwed Bob Marley out of millions. |
| 18 |  | Frank Zappa and The Mothers of Invention
Live At The Fillmore East June 1971
"Back in my day, I use to watch Jefferson Airplane at the Fillmore all the time", said the hippy. "Really?", asked his gullible son. "PSYCHedelic!", he responded. |
| 19 |  | Frank Zappa
Chunga's Revenge
What is former chief justice Bernard Chunga of Kenya waiting for? HIS REVENGE! |
| 20 |  | Frank Zappa
Sleep Dirt
There was a little girl and her mother walking through the park one day and they saw two teenagers having sex on a bench. The little girl says, "Mummy, what are they doing?" The mother hesitates then quickly replies, "Ummm they are making cakes." The next day they are at a zoo and the little girl sees two monkeys having sex. Again she asks her mother what they are doing and her mother replies with the same response, "Making cakes." The next day the girl says to her mother, "Mummy, you and Daddy were making cakes in the lounge last night, eh?" Shocked, the mother asks, "How do you know?" She says, "Because I licked the icing off the sofa!" |
| 21 |  | Frank Zappa
Zoot Allures
What noise does the horn of a Zookeepers car make? ZOOT ZOOT! |
| 22 |  | Frank Zappa
London Symphony Orchestra, Vol. 1
What do you call a group of rapists in bow ties? THE LONDON SYMPHONY ORCHESTRA! |
| 23 |  | Frank Zappa
Sheik Yerbouti
The title of this is already a bad joke, so it's really not necessary to make another. |
| 24 |  | Frank Zappa
Them or Us
What did Mentally Unstable Manny's hands say to him one day? "It's either them, or, us!" And so he brutally murdered his friends with his bare hands. |
| 25 |  | Frank Zappa
Everything Is Healing Nicely (EIHN)
PARP! |
| 26 |  | Frank Zappa
Orchestral Favorites
Why couldn't Beethoven hear? Because it turns out his hearing aids were actually DICKS! |
| 27 |  | Frank Zappa
Thing-Fish
I thought I was gonna have fish for dinner, judging from the aroma that wafted through the house. Turns out, my wife was just airing out her vagina! |
| 28 |  | Frank Zappa
Ship Arriving Too Late to Save a Drowning Witch
So a horse walks into a bar and then realizes that he's actually in his stable. FUCK! |
| 29 | | Frank Zappa and The Mothers of Invention
Cruising with Ruben & the Jets
What do you call a super group collaboration between Frank Zappa and Elton John? RU-RU-RU-RUBEN AND THE JETS! |
| 30 |  | Frank Zappa and The Mothers of Invention
Ahead of Their Time
The guillotine was an amazing invention. You could say it was A HEAD of its time! |
| 31 |  | Frank Zappa
Jazz From Hell
What do you call Yanni's last record? Jazz from hell! |
| 32 |  | Frank Zappa
Civilization Phaze III
What did Hitler call his plans for exterminating the Jews? Civilization Phaze III! (imagine the "Z" is a swastika instead..." |
| 33 |  | Frank Zappa
The Man from Utopia |
| 34 |  | Frank Zappa
The Yellow Shark
The boy jumped out of the community pool, frightened. "Shark!", he yelled, and ran away. At home he told his mother, "I SAW A YELLOW SHARK!", to which his mother replied, "That wasn't a shark...THAT WAS PEE!" |
| 35 |  | Frank Zappa
Make a Jazz Noise Here
What did Miles Davis say to Sonny Rollins? "Make a jazz noise here!" |
| 36 |  | Frank Zappa
The Best Band You Never Heard in Your Life
The Glands |
| 37 |  | Frank Zappa
Zappa In New York
How did Frank Zappa die? From sticking his penis in New York! (ya know...that one black chick with the show...) |
| 38 |  | Frank Zappa
Bongo Fury
What do you call a bear playing the drums? BONGO FURY! |
| 39 |  | Frank Zappa
Tinsel Town Rebellion
HARHAR |
| 40 |  | Frank Zappa
Francesco Zappa
What is my favorite thing in the world? Frank sex. Oh, Zappa! |
| 41 |  | Frank Zappa
Frank Zappa Meets the Mothers of Prevention
HOO HOO |
| 42 |  | Frank Zappa
Baby Snakes
What did the naive child call worms? Baby snakes! |
| 43 |  | Frank Zappa
The Lost Episodes
of Chappelle's Show was pretty disappointing. I don't know, what do you guys think? |
| 44 |  | Frank Zappa
200 Motels
Where would you find the world's largest deposit of dried semen? In the bed sheets of 200 Detroit Motels! |
| 45 |  | Frank Zappa
Guitar
What did the mammoth say before drowning? "Gee...tar!" |
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