Soundoffs 73
News Articles 2
Band Edits + Tags 89
Album Edits 110

Album Ratings 2227
Objectivity 91%

Last Active 08-18-17 8:12 pm
Joined 04-04-16

Forum Posts 0
Review Comments 15,772

01.21.19 Sounds' Top 50 of 201801.01.18 Sounds' Top 50 of 2017
07.25.17 Hey.04.18.17 An Anticlimactic First Sputversary / 10
04.03.17 Amazing and Bad03.14.17 The East Coast is a Winter Nightmare
02.18.17 Zakalwe Quotes 02.09.17 Digs 2017 Edition
01.31.17 Monstercat Post-02201.14.17 Strictly Beats
01.10.17 Sounds' Top 50 of 2016 12.27.16 Ear Infection Jams
11.12.16 Obligatory Digs List11.09.16 Converge
11.04.16 Music Is Way Too Good10.16.16 Recent Jams
10.01.16 The 30th Was Crazy09.11.16 It's My Birthday
More »

Zakalwe Quotes

What would Sput be without his glorious quotes?Gotta compile some of his best in one place. Feel free to drop some.
Emergency on Planet Earth

"Massive wanker in a shit hat going 'doo doo skippidy do shoop a dip dop doo' 2 it."
From the Jamiroquai thread.
2Marilyn Manson

"Brian once again proves himself as the greatest embodiment of artistic nuance since some other faker faked their way into a load of plastic fakery because they had nothing better to do than prove themselves better than the failed tabloid hack they once were which in itself pales into comparison to the shame of being that nerdy goit from Fred Savages Wonder Years the sister of whom was a stunner. Even Kevin's bit of stuff was alright but how old was she? 13. Outrageous. Having said that Brian is still bitter because the only way he got that gig was by sucking off Dan Lauria which to this day remains the most m/ thing 'ol Brian has ever done."
His SAY10 soundoff
3Animal Collective
Painting With

"20 to 3 in the bastard morning and I can't sleep cos of how shit this album is."
Zak being kept up from how shit Painting With is
4Animal Collective
Painting With

"The early morning struggle to throw yourself into the daily grind whilst the months bills pile on the hallway floor. The nagging sense that the past has been wasted, the present passes in a flicker and the future holds nothing. Listen to Floridoodoo and snap, if you were a yank you'd go on a mass shooting. Total drivel to be enjoyed while wearing specs that you don't need"
His Painting With soundoff. Guess he had a short obsession with bantering on about it.
Double Dare

"The doors have been blown clean off. All the confusion, anger, disenchantment and displacement have been answered by the holy grail of rock n roll. This album is the answer. You can't mold dissatisfaction you channel it and by god this is the single greatest answer ever recorded. I thought Jimmy Eat World was the bestest but this is even betterer."
Soundoff for Double Dare
The Glowing Man

"Oh look at the minimal artwork. Gasp at the whitterings of some croaky arsehole. Swoon at the 38 minute songs of dross. I'm going to 5 it cos I'm desperate to like stuff I know deep down is twaddle." Zak hates Swans with a passion. :D

"Slags," "Brats with guitars," "Bin it," "Yanks," a couple of his iconic phrases.
Moon Safari

"I would rise to it, I'm half pissed though son. Leave it."
What? On the Moon Safari thread
In Utero

"You just don't get that if your a 5 piece art 'collective' from Brooklyn tinkling on a xylophone in some loft house conversion."
Banter about Nirvana's greatness on the In Utero thread.
10Bomb the Music Industry!
Get Warmer

"Take the CD out and use it to reflect the direct rays of the sun in order to melt the fucker....cos it's shit."
He hates Jeff Rosenstock-related things just as much as Swans.
11Less Than Jake
See The Light

"Sometimes I'll think 'Fuck Me, I'm going to plough straight into something' when I'm driving but it soon passes and my mind usually focuses onto the next passenger boarding the bus."
From Snide's recent list

"Peacefully in my sleep, unlike my 120 screaming passengers"
Zak being asked how he expects to die
13The Smiths
The Queen Is Dead

"This is possibly the most Brit album of all time. All it needs to consolidate it's place is the vicar in a tutu to fiddle kids."
Zak on The Queen Is Dead thread.
From The Ages

"This is like getting thwacked in the sack by a massive 70s platform shoe but there is no
pain only pleasure. You just see stars."
Zak's take on From the Ages
15Sleaford Mods
The Mekon

"Born before 1985? You Dissatisfied, Dissociated, Despondent and feel Deposed by the cultural mulch of say nothing, do less YouTube fame celebrity arseholes? Listen to the Mods and be reinvigorated by the real deal. I'M A FUCKIN THEIF MATE!!!!!!"
Zak's Mekon soundoff
16The Arrogant Sons of Bitches
Three Cheers For Disappointment

"Ooh it's slow. Slowwave core. Whassat? A blast of trumpet. Skaboi. Come again? Whiskey vox. Swamp Stink Blues. Fucking ridiculous."
Zak really... really hates Jeff Rosenstock
Art Angels

"The juxtaposition of the weeping star and bloodied tears is incredibly impactive. Emotion as product hammered home by the lost looking girl $1000000 price tag and packaged stylistics of the artwork itself connoting a purchasable consumable.

At a push, this single work of art encompasses the desolation of youth and the corruptibility of innocence like nothing else that has ever been created. Each glance provides a further assertion that emotion is tangible. zak aged 16."
Zak explaining the appeal of the Grimes 'Art Angels' cover art
Crazy on the Weekend

"Wasted all my money

No it ain't funny

We can't even eat.


Musical soul connection for life.

Everything else bin."
Zak falls hard for Sunhouse
19Reel Big Fish
Turn the Radio Off

"Two Tone was born of social circumstance like all good 'genres'
This fucker on the other hand is typical of how music as a power has become a farce. It's no surprise whatsoever to see it was shat out in 2002.

1 it."

Zak explains how to go about rating a Reel Big Fish album.
20Neil Cicierega
Mouth Moods

"Just what we need. Another cunt with shit hair, androdgynous looks and 'no need to wear specs' befuddling us with nonsense that says absolutely nothing."
Zak's thoughts on the mashup master Neil.
21Dirty Projectors
Dirty Projectors

"Sounds like a fella whose absolutely ripped in two because his teddy lost an eye.

Fucking shit."
Zak's opinion on the new DP

"You brat fuckers are like Timmy from Jurassic Park. A fascination with the topic but shits himself when confronted by the real deal and hasn't got a fucking clue."
Zak addressing Nirvana haters
23Modern Baseball
Holy Ghost

"Bloody baseball. Pitching, third base, strike, home run. Shite."
Zak on baseball, aka the "yank" sport
25Jimmy Eat World

"Don't know what number 1 is but the band is a colossal great heap of number 2."
Zak's sick diss on JEW.

"There's nothing more satisfying then having a wank over simulated, synthetic baseless smut. Enriches the soul.

Who needs sensual, organic, 'real' love. Doesn't mean a thing in this day and age. Don't interact with anyone. Don't know how to. Upload and unload for eternity."
Plastic Beach

"You lot can go to Toys R Us I'll be across the car-park in Homebase"
Zak asserting his dominance in the Plastic Beach thread
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