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Sonic's Mixtape For The Perfect Bitch

well sowing made a gay list so i figured i'd make a better one. these are the jams i'd put on a CD for my bitch.
1emerson lake and palmer
karn evil 9

whether or not she gets through this song will show how dedicated she is to you. you already proved your dedication to her by putting songs on a CD. karn evil 9 is a classic, all the dads out there know it, and it's 29 minutes long, but bitches hate it. a regular bitch who dont give a shit about you will skip to the next song after about 5 seconds of keyboards because keyboards are not crunk or swag, they take skill and precision. if your bitch listens to the lyrics of this amazing song, she will see that you really do care about her very much - with lyrics like "come inside, come inside" and "fighting cocks" and "roll up see the shoooow," your girlfriend will surely get some sexy vibes. not to mention "no computer stands in my way" is a reference to popping a bitch's cherry. also greg lake is handsome as it gets. your girl will hate the song but if she's a dedicated girlfriend she will tolerate it and appreciate the message of the song and definitely perform some brain salad surgery on you in the bedroom that night.
2love beach

most girls arent smart enough to like karn evil 9. most girls arent smart enough to like guitar solos. luckily this song has none. if a girl is likely to enjoy any ELP tune, it's this one. it's short and sweet and you dont have to think, so your girl will bop her head to it and wanna bang you hard later. this will also get her hopes up for a trip to the beach, and girls are suckers for songs about beaches, just ask any indie girl: they love wavves and best coast cause they wear thrift store clothes and sing about the beach. so just tell your girlfriend that this is a wavves song or a beirut song or fuckin arcade fire or any shit like that and she'll spread her legs hard.
3phil collins

just ask pat bateman. if there's any song that gets a girl ready for pussy, it's this one. she'll even eat a girl's asshole if you play this track, as opposed to just staring at it like normal.
i think we're alone now

any girl alive in 1987 loved this song. now, while we were all listening to the first heathen album and hold your fire, all the girls were jammin this. it sucks dick but every female loves it.
5diamond head
sucking my love

this is what you play when you finally get to the part where you're about to fuck her hard. be sure to do air guitar during the solo while she whips some skull on ya.
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