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User
Reviews 1
Approval 9%
Album Ratings 87
Objectivity 56%
Last Active 02-24-11 4:12 am
Joined 02-24-11
Review Comments 466
| Top 10 Fml's
For those of you who don't know what FML means, it means Fuck My Life. These are my top 10 favorite entries from Fmylife.com | | 1 | Sex Change
Today, I need to find a way to explain to my 5, 7 and 12 year old kids their uncle wants to become their aunt. FML | | 2 | Baby Killer
Today, my mother called me downstairs to give me what I assumed was going to be "The Talk" (About four years too late). So she sits me down, holds my hands, and with the gentlest, most motherly expression on her face tells me, "Honey, if you ever come home pregnant, I'll kill you and the baby." FML | | 3 | Dream Crusher
Today, I was a TA for a history class and the class was taking a test. About halfway through, I noticed one kid had a small piece of paper in his hand. I ran up the row, grabbed his test, and ripped it into four pieces. Then I took the note from him. It said "I believe in you, -Mom." FML | | 4 | Obi-Wan
Today, some friends and I were pulled over on our way back from a party. We'd had a few drinks, so we tried to play it cool just in case we were over the limit. The cop didn't seem to want to breathalyze us, until my really high friend in the back seat said, "These are not the droids you are looking for." FML | | 5 | Oral
Today, I found out that the gentle, adorable oral surgeon who took out my wisdom teeth last year was recently arrested for rape. FML | | 6 | Point Break
Today, I had to take a dump. While looking for a book to read, I sneezed. The force of the sneeze caused me to shit my pants. The glob of dung then ran down my leg before falling out of my shorts onto my carpet, all in less than 5 seconds. Nothing in my life has prepared me for this. FML | | 7 | Mix Up
Today, my friend had to take my cat who has a tumor to be put down when I wasn't home since I couldn't bare to take him myself. I have two cats. He took the wrong one. FML | | 8 | Smile!
Today, I was walking when a man pointed a camera at me. I got bitchy about it, and said "Did I say you could take a picture?" He replied with, "No, but can you get the fuck out of the way so I can take one of my wife and kids." I turned around, and they were right behind me. FML | | 9 | Hamstercide
Today, I was picking my daughter up at day care. She was outside playing kick ball. A red ball rolls over to me, and trying to impress the kids, I kicked it over the slide. I turn around to see three crying six year olds. It was their hamster ball. FML | | 10 | The Best Dad Ever
Today, I saw my dad for the first time in ten years. He was stealing my car. FML | |
jayfatha
12.09.11 | 4 lmao | Kubrick
12.09.11 | #3- Ok, let me get this straight. A presumably college student is taking a history test one handed
while holding a supportive note from his mother in his other hand, you know, just to glance at it when
he needs confidence? And then the teacher's assistant (presumably another student) saw the note and
proceeded to tear up his test without saying a single word to the student or the professor? People
don't actually believe this shit do they? | MMX
12.09.11 | bahaha 4 | DurzoBlint
12.09.11 | 6 haha! | AlonsoHarris
12.09.11 | kubrick, the person telling the story was a college student who was a teachers assisstant in gradeschool genius | InAbsentia
12.09.11 | 6 made me cringe | RyanWilson
12.09.11 | This is probably the best thing I have ever read in my entire life | AlonsoHarris
12.09.11 | it really does make your day better when you read it. its a great website | Kubrick
12.09.11 | Hahaha wow, sorry I misread your first post as gradschool. My bad. :D
It actually is even more ridiculous now though. So we're talking little kids and a college teacher's assistant? And the college student TA rips up a little kid's test on a whim? Since when do teachers rip up an exam, especially a little kid's exam, without even saying anything.. let alone a college TA who has absolutely no authority and is just there to learn and make a good impression? | AfterTheBreakdown
12.09.11 | funny shit | AlonsoHarris
12.09.11 | well I suppose thats why he said fuck my life because he probably thought he was being a good teacher by doing so, seeing as he was just a TA | Divine
12.09.11 | 9 is the funniest thing on here | MMX
12.09.11 | 9's Title is full of Win
Hamstercide Lol | FearThyEvil
12.09.11 | All but 7 made me laugh. 7 is just beyond fucked up. | Kimm
12.09.11 | LOL I read these every single day. Best iPod app ever. | Divine
12.09.11 | Today, I put a blue toilet cleaner square in the back of toilet. My fiancé called me later on freaking out because he couldn't get the "blue water to go away" when he flushed. FML | Restrikted
12.09.11 | nvermind about the song having technical difficulties brb | Divine
12.09.11 | SPAM | Trebor.
12.09.11 | You have to be 8 years old to think this is funny | AlonsoHarris
12.09.11 | EXACTLY TREBOR WE'RE ALL 8 YEAR OLDS | AsoTamaki
12.09.11 | I used to read these all the time a couple of years ago. They're usually pretty funny. | Recspecs
12.09.11 | 4 and 9 made me lol so hard.
My own story. I was at the state fair and I was feeling pretty sick. I coughed up a bunch of snot and shit like that so the day
was already shitty. Anyways, me and my girlfriend at the time went on the ferris wheel. I told her "Excuse me" and snorted
and coughed up the biggest loogie over the railing into the crowd below. When we disembarked below the workers grabbed
me and asked me to leave the park for "intentionally" spitting down (how they caught me I don't know). I looked to my side
and saw a mother with a napkin cleaning off her son's face that was covered in yellowish snot and spit. FML but so worth it. | Kubrick
12.09.11 | I mean the fact that most of the ones I've read are so clearly made-up kinda diminishes the comedic value. | KjSwantko
12.09.11 | 6 and 10....I lold | Divine
12.09.11 | Today, I caught my mother trying to text on her iPhone, with her nipple. FML | AsoTamaki
12.09.11 | Lol, Kubrick.
Most of these are pretty over the top. There are better, more believable ones. | Cells
12.09.11 | 6 is perfect | steadyriot
12.09.11 | 9!! | AGuyIsWatchingYou
12.09.11 | I haven't been on fmylife.com in fucking forever. Gotta get back on it sometime, it'll give me something to read on my iPhone while I'm lying in bed at night.............struggling to fall asleep. =/ | Klichty
12.09.11 | i thought this was a music website but word |
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