BigHans
11.28.11 | k so accidentally deleted this the first time I wrote it up, that version was more awesome. |
Trebor.
11.28.11 | I'm actually on here yay |
JamieTwort
11.28.11 | Good albums on this list. |
BigHans
11.28.11 | youve posted alot in my football lists |
Voivod
11.28.11 | real Football. American Football
I strongly beg to differ on that.... |
MO
11.28.11 | me and Relinquished, the wrecking balls |
AngelofDeath
11.28.11 | Lol. This is awesome. |
clercqie
11.28.11 | Real football, as supposed to a sport where the ball is actually touching someone's foot the whole time :p |
BigHans
11.28.11 | yeah yeah the name is dumb but there is no contest as to which sport is better. |
clercqie
11.28.11 | The sport where the players get paid better |
JWT155
11.28.11 | I'll be the owner |
omnipanzer
11.28.11 | I'm an excellent right tackle actually, but you wouldn't know that. ;^) |
MO
11.28.11 | lol this is perfect |
Ignimbrite
11.28.11 | lol |
FrankRedHot
11.28.11 | I should be that undersized middle linebacker that's always ripping at the ball and starting shit.
At least that's what I was. |
Wolfhorde
11.28.11 | Awesome list. And teaming up with Wylie is just brotastic in a viking way. But you forgot to mention players yelling Clutch lines like "I GOT YOUR MOTHERS MAIDEN NAME TATTOOED ON MY ARM!" |
DominionMM1
11.28.11 | lookout darren sproles |
Relinquished
11.28.11 | yeah hans I'm a certified killing machine |
Slum
11.28.11 | i feel like ballstothewall could rip somebody in half |
Sleaper
11.28.11 | GG u should add fat spectator |
Aids
11.28.11 | "yeah yeah the name is dumb but there is no contest as to which sport is better."
hahaha oh hans. you're so American. |
BigHans
11.28.11 | Pretty much Aids.
Pit, you can get more glory being a 100 catch WR |
Wolfhorde
11.28.11 | that's why the "other" football is called soccer. |
BigHans
11.28.11 | yelling Clutch lines like "I GOT YOUR MOTHERS MAIDEN NAME TATTOOED ON MY ARM!"
^ team entrance music |
Wolfhorde
11.28.11 | Hans, you're giving me "bad ideas" I want to introduce in my sports class. |
kris.
11.28.11 | BRO FUCKN DOWN IMMA TOTALLY GET IN THE WAY LETS DO THIS |
Aids
11.28.11 | this should be featured to get rid of that terrible M/ICKELBACK list |
JamieTwort
11.28.11 | Clutch m/ |
kris.
11.28.11 | man so many people butthurt about that list lol |
Aids
11.28.11 | 'Maniac is the fullback because he is a big kid who knows Judo. As the head coach, it will be my job to get him fired up for games. Ill just make fun of him being a virgin and tell him his taste in music sucks hard and that should do the trick."
and
"Tight End: RosaParks - no Explanation Needed."
and like 5 other things, fucking LOL
this list kicks serious ass |
BigHans
11.28.11 | m/ Aids. Did you play ball? |
Wolfhorde
11.28.11 | How awesome would it be if this team was possible? That would be insane. |
Aids
11.28.11 | "man so many people butthurt about that list lol"
butthurt? nah man, it's just a dumb list. my butt is fine (but thanks for your concern) |
cvlts
11.28.11 | put a helmet on Mas w/a beard and he'd look shockingly like Devin Hester. not even kidding |
kris.
11.28.11 | hans whats our team name gonna be |
MO
11.28.11 | waterboy - progmaster
lolol |
kris.
11.28.11 | "butthurt? nah man, it's just a dumb list. my butt is fine (but thanks for your concern) "
is that why you posted like 4-5 times complaining how much you hated it and then brought it up here
HMMM SOUNDS BUTTHURT TO ME |
Aids
11.28.11 | @hans - no not really. casually, like in High School a couple times. I'm a skinny little fuck, but I'm fast. The only thing I was ever any good at was wide receiver (but those guys get tackled fucking hard). american football was never my strong suit, I was more into REAL football (lol) |
WeepingBanana
11.28.11 | i can change between corner back and wide receiver. i'm kinda tall and fairly fast and i have moments of excellent handsmenship |
FrankRedHot
11.28.11 | Bob Costas would fucking hate us, so I'm down, no matter what position I play. |
SeaAnemone
11.28.11 | quarterback? nah bro, my arm is pretty shitty
I played free safety in high school, as well as receiver and cornerback, but defense was always my forte-- same with lax
also I'm definitely the fastest guy on sputnik by a few miles, being quarterback wouldn't utilize my speed |
BigHans
11.28.11 | hans whats our team name gonna be
^ Good question Im never good at thinking up that stuff. |
Aids
11.28.11 | kris - I posted once in that thread, and once here. but yeah, 4-5 times. |
BigHans
11.28.11 | being quarterback wouldn't utilize my speed
^ Sea, the new breed of quarterbacks can run. I suppose I can put you at WR and Pit at QB. He can be the gritty, nobody believed in me scrappy guy that always finds a way to win. |
kris.
11.28.11 | eh either way your comments reek of butthurtery so calm down nancyboy |
SeaAnemone
11.28.11 | "Sea, the new breed of quarterbacks can run..."
different sort of speed, though. and I'd much rather play D as a corner or safety (easily my favorite position, much more cerebral than most), but oh well.
where's rom so we can form a sputnik running club lol? |
Aids
11.28.11 | ....how does anything I posted "reek of butthurtery"? |
Maniac!
11.28.11 | knew I'd be fullback before I clicked the list
but I'm not that big anymore |
WeepingBanana
11.28.11 | hans, if you want to refer to someone about my handsmanship you know who to talk to |
DominionMM1
11.28.11 | Or you can put me at QB. I've been told I'm the Jeff Hostetler of my generation. |
FrankRedHot
11.28.11 | I wanna play both ways.
Let the jokes about me playing both ways commence. |
BigHans
11.28.11 | Brandon you should be proud fullback is a manly position.
Sea you should be happy I put you on a list since you retired from Sputnik and all. |
WeepingBanana
11.28.11 | also i probably smoke just as much if not more than feit so... |
BigHans
11.28.11 | Weeping - lol, well played
Dominoin - fucking Jeff Hostelter, lol, forgot all about that guy. |
Pharoh
11.28.11 | This is retarded. |
Maniac!
11.28.11 | "Brandon you should be proud fullback is a manly position."
I don't like your style of manly, Hans. - http://30.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lv4ed7Q2n11qd37u4o1_r1_500.png |
kris.
11.28.11 | "This is retarded."
seriously
coming from you
hahahahahahahahahahahahaha |
DominionMM1
11.28.11 | hans, you're probably one of the few old enough to get that reference. |
Wolfhorde
11.28.11 | My position isn't even too far off, even though Idk if I'd be good on the weakside. I was always more of a "rough defense" player in any team sport I ever played. |
FrankRedHot
11.28.11 | "This is retarded."
Pharoh, seriously, what in the fuck are you still doing here? Not one of us has any respect for you.
Hey Hans. Put me at QB. I'm down with that. I do have a cannon. |
omnipanzer
11.28.11 | haha Brandon |
omnipanzer
11.28.11 | Nothing against Redsky but at 6'3" 290lbs and with some experience under my belt I'm pretty sure I could make a hole better than he could. |
Aids
11.28.11 | "This is retarded."
how is this retarded? have you seen the sort of shit that usually gets posted here.
wait I guess you posted much of it so yeah I guess you have. still, this isn't retarded, it fucking rules. it's original and the writeups are hilarious. also, good albums on the list. |
BigHans
11.28.11 | Nothing against Redsky but at 6'3" 290lbs and with some experience under my belt I'm pretty sure I could make a hole better than he could
^ would have totally put you down but you hate football so |
BigHans
11.28.11 | Aids, thanks for sticking up. Pharoh is probably the loser kid who got beat up by football players in school. |
BigHans
11.28.11 | I don't like your style of manly, Hans. - http://30.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lv4ed7Q2n11qd37u4o1_r1_500.png
^ haha I c Wat u did thar |
Aids
11.28.11 | Pharoh is a fucking awful user, but of course
brofist |
MO
11.28.11 | "Nothing against Redsky but at 6'3" 290lbs"
omni's 6'3 290? shit lol |
Scoot
11.28.11 | what kris said |
Wolfhorde
11.28.11 | If this is retarded my name is George Obama Washington Bush, the second emperor of Lampukistan. |
FrankRedHot
11.28.11 | Be prepared for an invasion |
omnipanzer
11.28.11 | "would have totally put you down but you hate football so"
I understand, I like sports I just don't give two shits about other people playing them. Excepting Hockey but that may just be because I can't play hockey. |
omnipanzer
11.28.11 | "omni's 6'3 290? shit lol"
Yah, I'm a big boy. ;^) |
theacademy
11.28.11 | this is awesome
and yes i am a mawae/mangold type.
either that or a tight end that is known and appreciated for clutch downfield blocking... u know those kinds? like ben hartstock... or what heath miller used to be before he learned to catch the ball and became a fucking legend. |
Metalstyles
11.28.11 | Just came back from actually playing football. Real football I mean, aka soccer ;) |
Adabelle
11.28.11 | Awesome list, even if I don't understand the sport. |
Wolfhorde
11.28.11 | Soccer's not "real football". |
AfterTheBreakdown
11.28.11 | awesome. |
Fugue
11.28.11 | Cool list, I don't know the first thing about American Handegg but I watched a game once and it was pretty entertaining stuff (apart from the huge gaps in play, you boys really should be playing more - I'm guessing this is more of a big leagues thing??) |
BigHans
11.28.11 | and yes i am a mawae/mangold type.
^ LMFAO |
Aids
11.28.11 | "Soccer's not "real football"."
yes it is. it's way older than American Football and you actually use your feet and a ball, not your hands and an egg. |
BigHans
11.28.11 | When I was in 8th grade I had to go to a camp for a few weeks to learn Spanish over the summer. They demanded I call football "futbol Americano." I said, in English, fuck that shit. |
Maniac!
11.28.11 | "yes it is. it's way older than American Football and you actually use your feet and a ball, not your hands and an egg."
123
I prefer watching American Football, though. |
FrankRedHot
11.28.11 | Put me at QB and you'll see the next Drew Brees. |
Aids
11.28.11 | lolololol (EDIT @hans) |
FrankRedHot
11.28.11 | Funny thing is that I was about to make a "Best Games of the Year" list in a little bit, so this goes right along with it. |
BigHans
11.28.11 | Pit I put you in at QB |
FrankRedHot
11.28.11 | Lol "Gino Terrota"
I'd prefer to be schooled by Bernie, anway. |
JWT155
11.28.11 | So, who's going to be the team's defensive coordinator/child predator? |
Sowing
11.28.11 | this is awesome hans, nice job |
FrankRedHot
11.28.11 | Give me the offense, Hans. With all the speed we've built this team around, the only logical offense to run would be a West Coast style offense. Spread the ball around to our speedy receivers on short routes and let them use their legs to get yards. We'd run a single back set, with the tight end moving in motion into the backfield, unless we stay straight single back. |
mallen-
11.28.11 | this is so awesome |
Aids
11.28.11 | "So, who's going to be the team's defensive coordinator/child predator?"
LOL |
BigHans
11.28.11 | Pit I like what youre saying and I know things are going the way of the spread offense but damn it I just love smashmouth football. As a left tackle I want to be pile driving people not backing up and pass blocking all the time. |
Scoot
11.28.11 | "So, who's going to be the team's defensive coordinator/child predator?"
me according to pit |
FrankRedHot
11.28.11 | "Pit I like what youre saying and I know things are going the way of the spread offense but damn it I just love smashmouth football. As a left tackle I want to be pile driving people not backing up and pass blocking all the time."
But you can't do that with all the speed we "supposedly" have. You can still run smash mouth football from a spread, anyway. The West Coast offense is a pro-spread offense, so it's not nearly as wide open as the college spread. |
BigHans
11.28.11 | yeah as long as Im getting down into a 3 point stance and mauling people. I hate it in college where the linemen are always standing up, even on running plays. |
Scoot
11.28.11 | i'm cam wake bitch |
FrankRedHot
11.28.11 | Cam Wake? The one who hasn't done shit all year? |
Scoot
11.28.11 | send him back to the friggin lions then
25 sacks a season |
BallsToTheWall
11.28.11 | WHERE'S THE GOD DAMN KOOL AID (THROWS WATER COOLER AT SOME KID IN A WHEELCHAIR)
Needs Southofheaven who plays for real is a beast. I rather enjoyed playing safety and runningback more than anything else though. |
BigHans
11.28.11 | I dont think Ive ever seen Southofheaven post since Ive joined. Obviously he's all over the old METAL threads |
BallsToTheWall
11.28.11 | Last time I played tackle football I weighed about 20 pounds less. Need to get back into that.
You've seen The League hans? |
lucasjcockcroft
11.28.11 | can i be the punter |
BigHans
11.28.11 | yeah Balls I DVR the fuck out of The League. And Blue Mountain State. |
BigHans
11.28.11 | can i be the punter
^ sure but we won't need to punt |
omnipanzer
11.28.11 | ^ Haha |
BallsToTheWall
11.28.11 | I miss showboating after touchdowns. NFL really fucked up by outlawing celebrations. But Stevie Johnson was great yesterday. |
lucasjcockcroft
11.28.11 | chad johnson and the cell phone was the best thing ever.
edit: god damnit, why do i remember being mr. ocho |
FrankRedHot
11.28.11 | Stevie Johnson crossed the line between "entertaining" and "tasteless" yesterday. I'm not nearly as mad about it, though, as Bob Costas.
And lucas, that was Joe Horn. |
BallsToTheWall
11.28.11 | The plane part was pretty fucked up but glad to see people keeping the tradition alive.
Bias aside, I loved Steve Smith's Minnesota sex boat boat row and Randy Moss's mooning. Still cant believe Moss isnt playing this year. |
FrankRedHot
11.28.11 | That's because Moss is past his prime. Of course he isn't playing. He doesn't have top end speed any more and that's what he relied on. |
FrankRedHot
11.28.11 | We'll never have to punt with me in control of the offense. |
BallsToTheWall
11.28.11 | Chad Johnson's putt was pretty fucking great. |
Ovrot
11.28.11 | I want in on this |
BallsToTheWall
11.28.11 | When are we going to destroy Dennys bra? That 6 egg, sausage, 4 pancake All Star feast is calling my name. |
FrankRedHot
11.28.11 | "When are we going to destroy Dennys bra? That 6 egg, sausage, 4 pancake All Star feast is calling my name."
As soon as I get a stomach implant that allows me to eat greasy food like that. |
BallsToTheWall
11.28.11 | The pepto bismol really bailed me out on the WH last night. Looks like I might need to use some tonight after this gargantuan feast of deliciousness. |
Recspecs
11.29.11 | How the hell can you call American football "real football" when the universal beautiful sport of football (known to us Americans as soccer) has existed and evolved for centuries. |
BallsToTheWall
11.29.11 | First off, im going to have to stop you right there. Calling a sport beautiful does not bode well for your future encounters on sputnik. |
Recspecs
11.29.11 | Hahaha good times. |
kris.
11.29.11 | seriously we need a name dammit |
Recspecs
11.29.11 | Sanduskiers? |
AngelofDeath
11.29.11 | The Astrosquids |
FrankRedHot
11.29.11 | Can't think of anything else other than THe Sputnik Elite. |
kris.
11.29.11 | "Can't think of anything else other than THe Sputnik Elite."
exactly what i was thinking, unfortunately |
theacademy
11.29.11 | lets be the Albuquerque Isotopes |
FrankRedHot
11.29.11 | Isn't that the Marlins' minor league team? |
theacademy
11.29.11 | dodgers |
theacademy
11.29.11 | (but it's named after a Simpsons episode) |
FrankRedHot
11.29.11 | Not a big Simpsons fan, so I wouldn't know. |
ShadowRemains
11.29.11 | i hate you hans |
UnnamedOcean
11.29.11 | This team would probably be better than the Colts are right now. |
Blackbelt54
11.29.11 | haha funny list |
iFghtffyrdmns
11.29.11 | Hans likes football? |
BallsToTheWall
11.29.11 | This team would probably be better than the Colts are right now.
(2) |
ShadowRemains
11.29.11 | (3) |
Hawks
11.29.11 | " Hawks at left guard because left guards have to pull alot and you have to be fast, nasty, and out of your mind (see Hawk's FB statuses)."
Hahahaha yessss! I mean, I was a wide receiver and linebacker in high school, but I can make the transition. |
tiesthatbind
11.29.11 | The Jom Bombs |
Josh D.
11.29.11 | You actually placed me perfectly. If there is anyone in the NFL that I am most like if I were to be an NFL player, it would be a Danny Woodhead type. |
Masochist
11.29.11 | Possible Team Names:
- The Sputnik Elite [2]
- The Sanduskies [2]
- The Jom Bombs [2]
- The Sputs
- The Cool Story Bros.
- The Mastodon Guitar Solos
- The Staff
- The Jane Does
...That's all I got. Also,
"put a helmet on Mas w/a beard and he'd look shockingly like Devin Hester. not even kidding"
Devin Hester ain't got shit on me. (Except speed, agility, general athleticism, an uncanny ability to read a defense...other than that, he ain't nothin' special) |
BallsToTheWall
11.29.11 | The Mastodon Guitar Solos (2) |
FrankRedHot
11.29.11 | The Mastodon Guitar Solos (3) |
Devastator
11.29.11 | Kinda hoped I would be on even though like no one knows me. Played #1 wideout and left outside LB and got mad sacks this year. |
Knott-
11.29.11 | team sucks because i'm not in it
but w/e REAL FOOTBALL IS BETTER ANYWAY |
KILL
11.29.11 | i aint being no mascot for hand egg but cool |
HeLiam
11.29.11 | what the fuck has become of this site |
KILL
11.29.11 | your dick |
someguest
11.29.11 | "Someguest will play mop up duty on the weakside, his real job will be to antagonize everyone and start fights, which shouldnt be a problem."
Dead on, brother. |
Ignimbrite
11.29.11 | i like "The Jom Bombs" |
KILL
11.29.11 | "How the hell can you call American football "real football" when the universal beautiful sport of football (known to us Americans as soccer) has existed and evolved for centuries."
bro shh hans will be pissed! |
KILL
11.29.11 | yea someguest would start fights and lose and will get gang raped by fat rednecks but will he enjoy it???????????????????????????????????????? |
someguest
11.29.11 | sounds like someone's been watching too much of geddy lee and the fister |
KILL
11.29.11 | have you even heard caress of steel? |
someguest
11.29.11 | i remember betty |
BigHans
11.29.11 | dude KILL you can shred metal riffs on the sidelines to pump us all up |
theacademy
11.29.11 | one time i got fucking obliterated and got "caress of steel" tatted on my stevie johnson but it's not that big so it reads 'cares o steel' |
BigHans
11.29.11 | lol at you silly Limey's calling football "hand-egg" |
BigHans
11.29.11 | one time i got fucking obliterated and got "caress of steel" tatted on my stevie johnson but it's not that big so it reads 'cares o steel'
^ haha |
KILL
11.29.11 | well you hold the oval balls with your hands, HAND EGG
in football (real football not fagged up rugby) you kick the round ball with your feet, FOOTBALL
sup hans |
BigHans
11.29.11 | KILL which game do you think is more METAL |
KILL
11.29.11 | rugby is the most metal, no faggy helmets or protection, just pure men on men rubbing their dicks on eachother |
MO
11.29.11 | lol |
BigHans
11.29.11 | dude, jam this right now m/
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nZUysqemMmg |
KILL
11.29.11 | bro jamming motorbreath right now but soon m/ |
BigHans
11.29.11 | dude this album rules gonna have to review it soon. |
JamieTwort
11.29.11 | Whoa that song rules hard m/ |
BigHans
11.29.11 | fuckin right m/. Sounds like something off Painkiller. |
JamieTwort
11.29.11 | Yeah it's awesome. |
BigHans
11.29.11 | Just reviewed the fuck out of it |
random
11.29.11 | What position would I be? |
BigHans
11.29.11 | spy |
Inveigh
11.30.11 | ^lol
this is the best list ever. of all time. |
FromDaHood
11.30.11 | This is bullshit Sea isn't even on the site anymore |
porch
11.30.11 | m/
|
BigHans
11.30.11 | Sea's posting again, plus he's an athlete. |
Gilgamahesh
11.30.11 | Hahahaha I got a laugh from what little I know of these people. Thank you hans for that. |
BigHans
12.02.11 | Bump for the best list ever |
KILL
12.02.11 | blowin ur trumpet all day m/ |
BigHans
12.02.11 | saw Satty was on and he hadn't commented yet |
KILL
12.02.11 | who |
MO
12.02.11 | list of the year |
BigHans
12.02.11 | m/ Opeth
Kill talking about Satelitte duh |
intotheshit
02.13.14 | Ahhh the memories |
theacademy
02.13.14 | haha thought this was a new list and came here to comment that i'd be a tight end who earns his place with elite blocking
then i ctrl+f acad |
BigHans
02.13.14 | damn, list ruled. So long ago. |
StallionMang
02.13.14 | "whichever 4 Sputnik female users have the biggest racks."
I don't think Sputnik even has 4 female users |
BigHans
02.13.14 | RIP Proggy the waterboy |
SeaAnemone
02.13.14 | *me in the huddle* GODDAMIT QWE I'VE BEEN WIDE OPEN THE PAST THREE ROUTES THROW ME THE FUCKING BALL *goes back to running fly's* |
NordicMindset
02.13.14 | Jom is our tailback |
theacademy
02.13.14 | u actually say "throw me the ball and watch what i do wit it" |
SeaAnemone
02.13.14 | put me in coach
I'm ready to play
today |
DominionMM1
02.14.14 | damn just noticed this got bumped. just another sweet hans list. |
Inveigh
02.14.14 | haha hell yeah hans was the best lister ever |
DominionMM1
02.14.14 | although I must say that my potential is being wasted as a utility player |
Keyblade
02.14.14 | Hans used to make the best lists, shit |
Cygnatti
02.14.14 | this is hilarious. too bad I don't know jack shit about football. |
Masochist
02.14.14 | "I don't think Sputnik even has 4 female users"
Maybe not anymore, but when this list was made, we had a harem or two. |
Trebor.
02.14.14 | yes |
