|
User
Reviews 1
Approval 100%
Soundoffs 11
Album Ratings 232
Objectivity 77%
Last Active 08-28-11 4:31 am
Joined 01-09-11
Review Comments 290
| How To Start A Hipster Band
This is your guide, people. | | 1 |  | Florence + the machine
Lungs
Step 1. Your band name. it's becoming popular to choose a band name that sounds cool to trick people into buying your shit record (i'm looking at you, arcade fire) it is recommended that you pick the most pretencious name possible for maximum effect, and to top it off, add in some random punctuation. "it's florence plus the machine, not florence AND the machine. god, conjunctions are like, so mainstream." | | 1 | | Florence + the machine
Lungs
Step 1. Your band name. it's becoming popular to choose a band name that sounds cool to trick people into buying your shit record (i'm looking at you, arcade fire) it is recommended that you pick the most pretencious name possible for maximum effect, and to top it off, add in some random punctuation. "it's florence plus the machine, not florence AND the machine. god, conjunctions are like, so mainstream." | | 2 |  | The arcade fire
neon bible
2. your instruments: when picking instruments, it is important to avoid mainstream options such as guitar and bass. think outside the box, for kafka's sake! get a moog synthesizer, a didgeridoo, an electric triangle, hell even a mandolin with strings made from your grandmother's pubic hair will work and in fact get you mad hipster pussy. and for the sensitive douchebag on the go, there's the ukele. also, it won't hurt to brush up on your skinflute. | | 2 | | The arcade fire
neon bible
2. your instruments: when picking instruments, it is important to avoid mainstream options such as guitar and bass. think outside the box, for kafka's sake! get a moog synthesizer, a didgeridoo, an electric triangle, hell even a mandolin with strings made from your grandmother's pubic hair will work and in fact get you mad hipster pussy. and for the sensitive douchebag on the go, there's the ukele. also, it won't hurt to brush up on your skinflute. | | 3 | | Decemberists
The crane wife
3. your album: well, now that you've got a band name and some pubic hair-strung instruments to indie rock out on, it's time to actually record something. the standard format is vinyl of course, but that's too mainstream, right? a true artist would release his concept album about fingerbanging a tarantula on an NES cartridge. speaking of concept albums: write one. be sure to touch on deep subjects like love and break-ups, topics so innovative and mind-blowingly original that no musician has ever had the balls to write about them. | | 3 | | The Decemberists
The Crane Wife
3. your album: well, now that you've got a band name and some pubic hair-strung instruments to indie rock out on, it's time to actually record something. the standard format is vinyl of course, but that's too mainstream, right? a true artist would release his concept album about fingerbanging a tarantula on an NES cartridge. speaking of concept albums: write one. be sure to touch on deep subjects like love and break-ups, topics so innovative and mind-blowingly original that no musician has ever had the balls to write about them. | | 4 |  | MGMT
Congratulations
4. Grow some ironic facial hair: after the long and difficult tack of recording your debut onto mesopotamian clay pottery, you are ready to begin playing in front of a live audience. Before you hit the road however, it is important to cultivate the shittiest facial hair know to man. there is no right or wrong way to do this, just so long as it looks like you have an infestation of moldy pubes on your upper lip. | | 4 | | MGMT
Congratulations
4. Grow some ironic facial hair: after the long and difficult tack of recording your debut onto mesopotamian clay pottery, you are ready to begin playing in front of a live audience. Before you hit the road however, it is important to cultivate the most godawful facial hair know to man. there is no right or wrong way to do this, just so long as it looks like you have an infestation of moldy pubes on your upper lip. | | 5 | | Mumford and sons
Wincest 2.0, the bloodletting crotch of desire
5. time to celebrate: you've played your first gig to the resounding "meh" of some stoned neo-dadaists. time to celebrate with a drink! PBR is the booze of choice, however human urine is a heady mixture and a good choice as well. Go hire yourself a prostitute and then pay her to not have sex with you. IRONIC. | | 5 | | Mumford and sons
Sign no more
5. time to celebrate: you've played your first gig to the resounding "meh" of some stoned neo-dadaists. time to celebrate with a drink! PBR is the booze of choice, however human urine is a heady mixture and a good choice as well. Go hire yourself a prostitute and then pay her to not have sex with you. IRONIC. | |
jayfatha
06.19.11 | lol @ 5
I didn't know Bear Grylls was a hipster | psykonaut
06.19.11 | hurrr hurrr hipster jokes | tkxxx7
06.19.11 | this list wasn't very funny, except for 1
also, you have to play bass | foreverendeared
06.19.11 | lol great list. Should be featured. | RagingStorm
06.19.11 | not really that funny | Curse.
06.19.11 | this list was funny, except for both copies of 1-5 | FearThyEvil
06.19.11 | I shall name my band the Hipsters. | acorncheese
06.19.11 | you should be fucking embarrassed. this is the most retarded bullshit i've ever read. it actually makes me fucking mad. asshole. | Uranium
06.19.11 | creative list, but all bands do 1,4 and 5 | Uranium
06.19.11 | acornmad | DinoX
06.19.11 | lol list made my day. Record album on an NES cartridge. | North0House2
06.19.11 | Made me lol. | MoosechriS
06.19.11 | lol list made my day. Record album on an NES cartridge. [2]
i remember NES cartridges and the amount of years of my childhood they consumed, the legend of zelda anyone? | geezers1989
06.19.11 | "you should be fucking embarrassed. this is the most retarded bullshit i've ever read. it actually makes me fucking mad. asshole."
somebody call the waaambulance! | Soaringmuse
09.23.11 | MGMT's the shit son haters gonna hate 0:) | AlonsoHarris
09.23.11 | why isn't this shit featured? | Maniac!
09.23.11 | If anybody knows of your band, you aren't hipster anymore | Acrosstheshield13
09.23.11 | this list is great. ha ha. | trippinonthizz
01.23.12 | i love this list lol. especially the part about the nes cartridge hahahha | Trebor.
01.23.12 | 6. Facing the audience while performing is too mainstream. Turn around and stare at the drummer for christ's sake | ValeriusTheImmortal
01.23.12 | i haven't read it yet, but i can almost guarantee it's funny as hell by his previous lists | BMDrummer
08.16.14 | lol | MO
08.16.14 | yea i'm just gonna jam Gorguts since I have a wiener thanks tho! | sixdegrees
02.19.19 | LOL | ArsMoriendi
02.19.19 | You spelled pretentious incorrectly twice, OP
Wait, this list is super old |
|
