Reviews 117
Approval 96%

Soundoffs 56
Album Ratings 2789
Objectivity 75%

Last Active 07-29-15 2:11 pm
Joined 10-08-09

Forum Posts 33
Review Comments 28,549

09.13.17 The National "Moments" 08.09.17 Roadhouse Jams
05.25.16 Hans' Epic Concert Month03.05.14 Riffs Of Smash
02.25.14 Riffs Of F*cking Fist02.21.14 The Rad RUSH 57
02.17.14 Riff Goddamn City 02.13.14 Rush: Your Origins
02.13.14 25k. Spirit of Radio is the best song 01.24.14 Know Who Rules?
01.16.14 So, What Did I Miss?03.08.12 Sputnik Will And Testament
01.12.12 Hard Jams Inc - The Beginning12.28.11 Hans' 2011 Songs
12.27.11 10 Greatest Nfl Teams Of My Lifetime12.21.11 Pac Vs Biggie - Hans Breaks It Down
12.14.11 Hans' Grunge Throwdown (best List Ever)12.13.11 Stones Vs Beatles - Hans Breaks It Down
More »

Hans' Epic Circle Jerk

In Categories! If I forgot you, it doesn't mean I don't like you. I either don't know you that well or just flat out forgot. I did this quickly, I'm old, and have a horseshit memory.

TMF Founders/Old Bros: Inveigh, Pit. Duh. As if you expected something different?
2The Hold Steady
Boys and Girls in America

Minnesota Bros: Blindsided, Counterfeit. Almost as great as Minnesotans as me. Not easy to do. Also WhiteWallStargazers and BrahtheSunGod for being from the great state.
3Machine Head
Burn My Eyes

Ornery/Hilarious TMF Bros: Apollo, BrokenJewel/Consider Phlebas. Both of these guys don't like to take any shit and can give it out pretty well. Jewel is a phenominal writer, and Apollo is doing a good job himself. It was also extremely fun to troll the shit out of Apollo because he gets pissed so easily, but he is learning.
4King Crimson
In the Court of the Crimson King

My Classic Rock Comrades in Arms: Nagrarok, Jethro42. Nag is one of the first people I interacted with, and is a great writer. Jethro is a nice guy and has a fine appreciation for the 70's and 80's like myself, even though he faps just a little too much to prog.
Master of Puppets

Foreign Manly Metal Brothers in Arms: LepreCon, JamieTwort, Greg84, MetalStyles, Prolapse. As far as I know all of these bros reside outside the US, and all are huge MANLY metal enthusiasts. Lepre for Classic Metal, Greg for Stoner Metal, MStyles for Groove/Industrial, Prolapse for liking Down, and Jamie for being a hair metal comrade in arms.
6Frank Turner
Love, Ire & Song

Original Bros/Nice Guys. Evedder27/Satty. Probably my first two "friends" on the site besides Nag. Both are nice dudes who are well loved and have great music taste, although both need to start boning up on some FUCKIN METAL. EVed is one of the best writers on the site, staff or not.
7Nick Drake
Pink Moon

My Kind of/Sort of Nemesis' Who I Still Like but Love to Hate at Times and Live to Argue With: Progmaster, Maniac!, SeaAnenome, Academy, Jesuslaves. Luv u gaiz. Notice I said "gays?" Progmaster goes first because he has a massive man crush on me no matter how much he tries to argue with me and gets owned every time. Maniacs attempts at being tough are laughable, as in laughably hilarious. Sea fits better under my "elitist" category but gets lumped into this one for previous arguments, and Academy gets mentioned for trying, and failing to troll Metallica, the Beatles, and Radiohead, although he gets big ups for repping Skid Row. Jesuslaves fails when talking about Pantera but is cool with tha THRASH and all.
Close to a World Below

Black Metal Fag Consortium: Dryden, Fade, AngelofDeath, Spirit, KILL, Hawks, Scream. Well, KILL likes manly metal too unlike the rest here, but all of these guys are pretty fuckin hilarious. Angel is great for his recipes and shizz. Fade is one of the site's greatest trolls. Spirit is good peeps, and Dryden is well, Dryden. Scream gets added for insulting Maniac. Hawks is so metal he pisses ions.
9Bruce Springsteen
Darkness on the Edge of Town

Some Staff Guys I Like: Kirgasm, Redskyformiles, DaveyBoy. Kirgasm is arguably the best writer on the site, and a nice dude. Redsky is a great writer as well and has phenominal taste (Clutch, Hold Steady, Springsteen, GLA) and is cool when he doesn't get too douchey with staff elitism (in fairness, only happens once in a while). DaveyBoy is an overall nice dude and I am his #1 musical neighbor. Also the only other guy besides me who faps to Def Leppard.
10In Flames

Cool Guys That Don't Really Fit Together But Didn't Want to Leave Off: Josh D, BallsToTheWall, Chambered89, LG, Edwin, BigTuna, Aggrevated Yeti, fr33Convict, DoubtGin, Romulus, Weeping Banana. Josh D is a pop culture afficiando and knows almost as much about destroying vag as me. Balls is the ultimate bro and a good writer. Chambered is writing really well lately and is fun to give shit to cause he handles it well for the most part. LG gets added for liking Volbeat, aka arguably the most awesome band on the planet, and Edwin for upping the Irons and reviewing a Quiet Riot album. Yeti and Tuna for Hold Steady. Fr33Convict for having 3 Metallica albums 5'd. DoubtGin for being a member of the Manly Metal Militia. Rom for liking Nick Drake and Cold and being a pretty good writer. Weeping for sacking up and saying he was going to fist my mother when I was trolling him one day. I liked that.
11Pink Floyd
The Wall

Quasi Mainstream Bros: AnotherBrick, Gmork, JWT155. These guys all have big mainstream backgrounds and like me will often defend universally panned mainstream bands. All branch out pretty well too. Brick needs to start listening to some country and manly metal however.
12Alter Bridge

Tiesthatbind/Sowing: Cause they are two peas in a pod. Mainstream leaning, overall nice, good writers.
13Linkin Park
Hybrid Theory

Unrequited, Massive Bromance: Bloc, Deviant, Emim, Baphomet. These guys need to get together and have their own circle jerk already. All cool dudes.
14 Some Elitist Band
Album Nobody has Heard of

Quasi Asshole But Still Cool Total Elitists: Porch, Qwe, Slightly. Slightly is the nicest, although probably the biggest elitist. Qwe and Porch are hilarious and total dicks to new users, which can be awesome.
Blast Tyrant

Random. Because he's random.
Show/Add Comments (336)


Bands: A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z

Site Copyright 2005-2017
All Album Reviews Displayed With Permission of Authors | Terms of Use | Privacy Policy