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Last Active 09-25-21 12:42 pm
Joined 09-19-10
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| HARDKUISS: DAY FIVE - PUSH POWER 🏋️♀️💪🏻
Ladies, gentlemen, gays and theys, we’re back for the fifth instalment of HARDKUISS. And when I say we’re back, I mean you’re back, because I never left. Aye, I’ve been mercilessly pumping iron the entire holiday period. I even did deadlifts on Christmas Day — not because I’m a weird grindset sigma male barber podcast guy, mind you; but because holidays are for the things you love the most, and what I love the most is the Iron. I refrained from posting about it while you were all on holidays though because I know how upset some of you would be finding out you missed HARDKUISS V. Worry not! It is here. | | 1 |  | Unsane
Scattered, Smothered & Covered
EXERCISE 1: BARBELL BENCH PRESS
Working up to a 3x5
That’s right; it’s the exercise all you gym rats have been waiting for. Did you really think I’d leave it out of HARDKUISS? In all honestly, I’m not really built for bench, so in spite of my 120 second, ultra-elaborate setup routine, my weights remain well within lifetime intermediate reach (work sets at 110kg). A more sensible lifter would probably trade this one out for something more optimal, but I just couldn’t bear the thought of forsaking so many years of tradition. Instead, I visualise the bar holding all the haters I know are trying to weigh me down, arch my back, push through my feet, and rep accordingly. | | 2 |  | Unbroken
Life. Love. Regret.
EXERCISE 2: INCLINE DUMBBELL PRESS
3x5
Now we’re nice and limber, we can work on getting a real chest pump. As a long haired brother, I think the friction and pulling that occurs when I press my head against the bench on push days has caused a noticeable case of traction alopecia, but I consider this unavoidable. What else am I going to do, not lift and be small(er than I already am)? Nay, I embrace the balding, and celebrate the way it in conjunction with my unseemly musculature gives people the impression I’m a recreational steroid abuser without me needing to risk my health or longevity. Anyway, incline dumbbell is cool, but requires a bit more balance and grip than bench. Do drop the weight a tad before proceeding! | | 3 |  | Integrity
Those Who Fear Tomorrow
EXERCISE 3: SEATED DUMBBELL SHOULDER PRESS
3x10-6
Somewhere in the deep, dark recesses of YouTube, there’s footage of me vagaling out with 75kg above my head during seated dumbbell shoulder press. One of the teenage receptionists took it upon himself to pull the security footage and add it to a gym fails compilation after the incident occurred. From my point of view, I woke up floor bound, slumped across my weights, with only a vague memory of trying to complete the first rep, but I’m told it was a pretty funny occurrence. Thankfully, the iron taught me proper respect for the exercise that day, so remember that the key to a good brace is ensuring you don’t tense so hard you cut off the blood flow. Happy pressing! | | 4 |  | Throwdown
Haymaker
EXERCISE 4: SKULLCRUSHER w/ CLOSE GRIP BENCH SUPERSET
3x12-8
A good EZ-bar is indispensable to a proper muscle farm, as it’s the only way to comfortably execute a proper set of heavy Skullcrushers. I find the internal rotation of the arms really helps offset the possibility of tendinitis in an exercise that can make your elbows ache like someone’s driving a Lego into them at the best of times. We’re pairing the Skullcrushers with a close grip bench superset for matched reps just to drive home the hurt. I like to finish my last set by throwing my 50+kg load forward, catching it on my thighs and using the momentum to propel me upright to really scare the casuals. | | 5 |  | (T-T)b
Slimy Quagmire
BONUS ROUND: CONTEMPLATE CAREER CHANGE
1x10 minute chat
One of the trainers at my gym is a former paratrooper in the Italian army. As if that wasn’t intimidating enough, he also has a massive tattoo of Quagmire from Family Guy across his right deltoid. Today, after watching me shout vaguely motivational slogans in an uncharacteristically stern baritone while I spotted a SARMgoblin benching 30kg, he asked me if I’d ever considered becoming a personal trainer. Bashfully, I decline, knowing that revealing my identity as Sputnik’s resident training guru could see the careful divide I’ve set up between my digital and physical identities come crumbling down. | | 6 |  | Irate
11:34
EXERCISE 5: DUMBBELL LATERAL RAISES
3x15-10
Our Nippard, who art in Canada, lateral be thy raise. Hypertrophy come, thy reps be done, in sets as they are in most gyms. Give us this day our daily gains, and forgive us our creatine, as we forgive those who tren-dose around us, and spot us not while intermediate, but deliver us from SARMSville. Gainsmen!
Do your laterals, kids. | | 7 |  | Ringworm
The Promise
EXERCISE 6: CABLE TRICEP PUSHDOWNS
3x12-6
Today we’re truly saving the best til last. Not only do cable pushdowns act as a killer finisher for the triceps, but Franco Columbu purportedly used to use them as his primary ab workout too, so profound is the ab pump you get from bracing on these. You can turn them more chest dominant too by leaning forward, but that seems kinda pointless to me, especially given how much work we’ve already given the chest today. Instead, do some isometric flexing between sets and the ensuing pump will be monstrous enough to bust out of all but the most indestructible compression top when you hit your side tri pose for your Insta story. | | 8 |  | Madonna
True Blue
WHAT I WORE: Madonna True Blue shirt, Foo Fighters socks | |
Butkuiss
02.02.25 | PENULTIMATE HARDKUISS LETS GOO | DadKungFu
02.02.25 | Add rows on this day (4x12), scream at the top of your lungs after each rep. Play Godflesh on your phone speakers | Colton
02.02.25 | very telling that you omit the weight from your incline db press | Butkuiss
02.02.25 | I do between 40 and 45kg each hand depending on how I’m feeling that day, Colton my boy |
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